great night with great music at zouk. *smiles* many thanks to sebastian who dropped me back in hall. thanks to allan for picking me up too. feeling really tired now but juz wanna blog. my legs are aching from the non-stop dancing from 11 till 3 plus. not exactly non-stop but almost. *grins* only got to say hi and bye to jerry. that was how good the music was. kinda packed tonight but the crowd was not bad (minus the few irritating ones). wonder why but everyone in the clique seem to not be in their usual self or to put it simply ---> crazy. the podium was crowded. was running around the small area for the earlier part of the night to get a spot where i wouldn't be squeezed. found a nice place to settle myself in for the rest of the night eventually (not gonna tell you where *laughs*). HE was one of the reason that made my night. HE always does i guess. it's hard but i'm slowly forcing myself out of this dream that HE'll one day come back to me. reality hurts. HIM aside. the guys were really crazy. did all sorts of funny things. but still i enjoyed their company. great entertainment provided by sebastian. *winks* been a long time since everyone is present. well, maybe i was the one who has been isolating myself. wonder what will happen after next week. looking forward to the next mambo already. it's weird but kinda started talking to someone. felt guilty after last week's sms i guess. wonder if it's juz me or the feeling's mutual. there was this awkwardness. uhm.. juz take things as they come. anyway, thanks guys for the happy night. it wouldn't have been so enjoyable without your presence.

i called and HE actually answered! *smiles* what a pleasant surprise! for the past hour or so, i was on the phone with HIM ---> 58 minutes and 14 seconds to be exact. feeling a little better but not much. muz give HIM the credit, otherwise HE's not gonna be my uncle agony the next time round. *laughs* guess i'm juz happy to hear HIS voice and to be able to have a proper conversation with HIM once again. maybe HE's right about me being too stressed up by everything that's on going. the semester juz started but i need a break. what exactly is bothering me? family? school? HIM? or izzit everything? when HE asked what's wrong, i couldn't say. not that i don't want to but i dunno how and where to start. glad i found some comfort after the talk though i'm still at a loss. thanks for spending the time on me! i'm probably gonna have the sweetest dreams in a long while tonight.

my heart's been bugged since the girls talk on thursday night. was trying to help a poor girl out of a situation that seems so familiar. sharing my experience was kinda painful. memories are all that i've left. wonder why it still hurts everytime i think of the past. dear dear's probably the one that i could rely upon for the rest of my life, he'll probably make the best person to walk through the rest of my life with. he may not seem to have what it takes to others but to me, he's juz what i'm looking for. it took me a year to come to realisation that it's impossible for us to be together coz things are juz not gonna work out. i'm happy to have him as a good friend and it's good enough for me to know that he'll always be there for me. in case you're wondering, he wasn't the main cause of my troubles over the weekend till now. it was HIM. the small incident on friday night sparked it off. to be honest, it was nothing serious, kinda trivial rather, but i juz can't seem to put it down. was playing mahjong at adrian's place when JJ told me the news. he'd spotted HIM with the girlfriend at JP earlier in the evening when we dropped by to get some snacks. what a coincidence. i never had such luck though and i wonder if it's a good or bad thing that it wasn't me who bumped into them. maybe we're juz not fated. *shrug* since that night, i juz feel terrible. HE's all that i can think of and i can't seem to concentrate on other stuff. it's really time i move on. it seems like i have but have i? if i have, why am i so affected by little things about HIM? if i haven't, why am i still holding on? i really have no idea. confused little cat is really confused! it's kinda obvious that things are over between us. what am i waiting in vain for? i'd been through this. it was difficult then and it's not any easier now. i have the sudden urge to juz pick up the phone and give HIM a ring. HE'll probably not pick up the call anyway. should i? or should i not?

*groans* my legs are aching from clubbing. wonder if my heels are the main culprits. music was not bad but summer rain came early and i had nothing to look forward to for the rest of the night. i'm juz simply hard to please. the crowd was made up of mostly NTU people as expected and that's probably one of the factors that contributed to my boredom. maybe i'm juz thinking too much and letting my thoughts run wild. or is it the time of the year when i get too much stuff on hand that i become a little emotionally unstable. *shrug* sometimes i wouldn't blame certain people for finding me a nuisance coz my words and actions irritate myself at times. i'm letting my heart rule over my head once again and making things difficult for everyone. i wish i can control my feelings better and be more rational. but can i? *sigh* the night seemed short. was out of zouk at 4 and headed to shell. wasn't paying attention to what was going on. though i was physically there, my mind had drifted off elsewhere. was messaging HIM but stopped when i realised it's not getting anywhere. i'm really at a loss. what should i do? or rather what can i do? *sigh* highlight of the night was teasing sebastian. shall limit the details to those who were present before he starts hating me. hope you wouldn't take it to heart. we were juz kidding. or are we? *grins* hanged out till 6 plus and reached back hall at 7. surprised to receive someone's sms while on the cab. makes me wonder if i was being over petty. *wonders* feeling real tired now and i can't believe i hafta go all the way to joo chiat for my rehearsal later. the weather's freaking hot and i juz don't feel like moving. don't seem to have a choice though. good luck to me!

*All out of love*

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone

Thinking of you till it hurts

I know you hurt too but what else can we do

Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile and my heart

For times when my life feels so low

It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring

When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you

I know you were right believing for so long

I 'm all out of love, what am I without you

I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home

Away from this long lonely nights

I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too

Does the feeling seem oh so right

And what would you say if I called on you now

And said that I can't hold on

There's no easy way, it gets harder each day

Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

FOC :: Freshmen Orientation Camp

finally over. or is it? it's the 5th FOC i've been through, 4th as a senior. years passed since i was a freshie. though memories are not fresh in my mind anymore, but they're still there, well-kept by me. if i can ever turn back time, i promise i'll be a better freshie. have to admit that i was one of the problem kids. refusing to get out of bed in the morning, finding all sorts of excuses to skip stupid games, running off in the middle of the programme to go clubbing. yes, that was me years ago. can't really blame freshies when they disappear for no reason coz i really can understand how they feel. *grins* realised i was quite a bit to handle back then. a very big thank you to all my GLs and seniors, FOC will never be the same without you. oh yes.. thanks for giving me the chance to be in the pageant. guess it was the highlight of year one. been quite an experience. really wish i have another chance to start all over again, to revive all that was lost. have been a programmer for every hall FOC since my senior year. to be part of the planning was fun. though it gets really tiring at times, the satisfaction derived at the end of it all is enough to make up for all the sleepless nights. this is the 1st FOC that i get to slack, really slack. felt outta place and juz couldn't fit in anywhere. felt i was an extra. maybe i'm juz getting old. *sigh* it was through this FOC that i saw through certain things. be it good or bad, i'm glad to have kinda come to terms with everything.

Hall

it's the time of the year again. new people are gonna take over from the old ones. stepping down and going into the retiring mode is what i'm going through. *shrug* though i wasn't in Hall 13 from day one, i've developed feelings for everyone and everything here. it's kinda sad to not be involved anymore, but i'm glad new blood is injected. at least there'll be continuation. 64 is getting really dead and boring. miss the old times when the pioneer batch was still around. this is the worst semester ever. feel detached coz most of the familiar faces are gone. feel intruded coz there're so many unknown figures and long queue for the toilet. never felt worse. not when the pioneer batch graduated, not when susan went for attachment last semester. wonder if i'll ever get used to the change. many things are different now. say i'm traditional or i'm juz a stick in the mud, but i prefer the past.

School

start of a new semester and i'm not looking forward to it at all. was it the mindset that was wrong? overslept and missed the 1st lecture, skipped the 2nd one to go for lunch with susan at canteen A. *sigh* the pressure's killing me. the past four years in NTU have been really torturous in terms of studies. blamed it on the wrong course and lousy system but at the end of the day, i only have myself to blame. wrong priorities and all kinds of distractions. have i grown dumber or is it the lack of discipline? i wonder... trust me, it's a dread. doesn't feel good to see all my peers convocating and i'm still stuck in here. tried talking to my parents on a few occassions about withdrawing but they're insistent on me completing the course and getting the cert. but can i? i have no idea. as the 6 years limit draws nearer, i'm juz getting more and more worried. juz so afraid of facing my parents. the sense of guilt and shame is devouring me. life still hafta go on. need full concentration on my books this semester. it's my one and only chance.

Relationship

been almost a year since HE broke up with me. it's pretty obvious that i'm still not over HIM. though we were not together for long, what i have for HIM went back a long way (even before we got to know each other). i treasure all the sweet memories of the short relationship coz they're all i have that we shared. little things about HIM can drive me crazy. i know it's silly of me to behave this way but i juz can't help it. HE was the major factor in helping me to let go of a past relationship which took a year. that's probably one of the reasons why HE's so special. things can never be the same again. can it be? till now, i'm still wondering if HE was serious about me, about the relationship. things that happened and the reasons HE gave, were they true? put all my trust in HIM at the beginning but things somehow went the wrong way. was afraid of history repeating and hence all the questions start setting in. if given a chance, i will do everything to make up for whatever's lost. it's easy for me to have a crush on someone, to like someone. but it's not easy for me to fall in love with a person and when i do, it's even more difficult to make me fall out of love.

it's been a wonderful night, juz like a dream come true. something that i've been secretly wishing for has finally happened. HE invited me for a dance! wonder if it was the effect of the alcohol and would he have done the same if he was more sober. *shrug* guess it doesn't really matter to me now as long as i had the chance. no words can describe my happiness, and i'm not exaggerating. but i'm a little confused by my own feelings. felt kinda upset coz i know this is not gonna last. it's juz a one time thingy. how i wish time would stop at that moment and the song would never end. being a little dramatic but that's how i felt. i know it's silly of me. did try to put the past behind me but guess it's not gonna be that easy. in any case, wanna thank him for lighting up my otherwise dull night. =)

catherine's a happy girl! *smiles* was woken up by weixing and gang in the late morning of tuesday. the phone call kind of cheered me up a little from the previous day's gloominess. wanted to get me to play mahjong but i was stuck in hall. ended up being teased by them as usual but at least it brought the long gone smile back to my face. was supposed to help out with the JCRC preparation for FOC but decided to give it a miss and go gai-gai with susan. *grins* the heavy rain ruined our original plan to visit ikea to get new stuff for my room. headed down to city hall instead. did a bit of shopping from citi-link to suntec and guess what?!? my charles and keith heels finally gave up on me! *laughs* the strap snapped and i bought a pair of slippers from OP which happens to be my only buy of the day. we went on to explore the newly opened marina square. nice place with lots of cafes and restaurants though it was a little empty. we were attracted to the ambience and settings of sakae at 1st sight. it's probably the best meal i ever had at sakae. the quality of the food is better and with the great atmosphere, i enjoyed my dinner much better. wanted to take pictures but we didn't have the best seats. guess i'll save that for our next trip which is planned to be in the near future. *winks* wednesday afternoon was spent snuggling in bed. haven't had a good rest since monday when i came back to hall. met up with gracie, shirleen and hazel to celebrate gracie's birthday. had dinner at miao yi vegetarian restaurant in coronation plaza and headed to 'island creamery' at serene centre for dessert. the mudpie was fantastic and their reversO icecream was yummy! the girls were amazed by my orders which i shan't reveal. *bleah* i'll definitely frequent the place in future. thanks to gracie and marvin for dropping me off at zouk later in the evening. wonder if it was the effect of the icecream that made me kinda high. *smiles* the music was not too bad but i was kinda tired to dance through the night. broke yet another record - drank half a jug of long island! but it only further confirmed my hatred for the drink. received a few persons' smses: limay, carol and janice lao gong. thanks for your concern. i'm feeling better le. no worries. got up at 1pm on thursday and headed to finish the last bit of preparation at Seminar Room. can't believe we actually spent the whole day and night (to be exact 12 hours) to set up everything, excluding the time spent for the past few days. the place looks really pretty and so does my newly decorated notice boards. *grins* shall go take pictures tomorrow and post them up. be patient and wait ya. now, i'm chatting over msn with susan though she's only 3 doors away. guess what's our conversation about? of coz it has to be food! *laughs* the crazy girl is coming up with a wishlist for food. i'm so gonna put on weight as we have plans to go lots of places to satisfy all our cravings. as a matter of fact, i've already gained 1kg! *sigh* in any case, i'm still looking forward to our eating spree. *drools*

PISSED! that's what i'm feeling right now. for the past few days, i've been trying to get over everything that has happened. juz wanna put everything behind me. well, if that's the case, why on earth did i bother to read his blog? serves me right! in any case, this is specially dedicated to mr tay.

1. i'm sorry to have not seen or appreciated your efforts to prevent things from happening. but it seems to me that you'd juz stood there and did nothing that fateful night.

2. why the hell in the 1st place would those persons who have judged you be interested to find out the story if you have deemed them to be 'important'? they have their own lifes to much care about yours mind you! (that's from me)

3. it's really up to you what you wanna do. no one can ask you to do what you don't want to. i suppose you believe that you have done what you could have done in your context.

4. roger the point that she's not your girlfriend. but look at my post, i used the word 'supposed'. if you can't control her life, what makes you think you can control mine? didn't wanna drag more people into the picture but it seems like i have no choice but to say this now. your close buddy ken had told me that you messaged him to get me go for a drink in order to avoid any ugly situations. both him and sebastian did try and i'm sorry for not listening. i have my point to prove. if she has her right to be there, don't i have my right to be where i want to be too? what makes you think you have a say in asking me to leave? see how contradicting and biased you are?

5. i understand that it's in no one's control to say who's to be in a club or not. seriously, i don't remember saying i don't wanna see her there again. it's not up to me to decide who's to enter or not. i'll take the line back if i'd made such a childish statement.

6. we're juz out to have fun and enjoy ourselves at clubs. but sometimes, such things happen and when it does who can we blame? no one. coz no one wants the night to be spoiled. i'm not saying that she can't be there on the dancefloor. i don't own the club much less the dancefloor. all i asked for from you was to stop her from doing what she was doing.

7. 'fear of the consequences you will face from her if you interfered' was quoted from ken. verify with him all you want. frankly, i don't care whose side you'll be on if a fight starts. reason? coz i wouldn't wanna get into a sprawl with her in the very 1st place. too ugly a thing to do. do get the facts right but correct me if i'm wrong. you know very well who was looking for whose trouble that night. i did NOTHING! nothing at all. i did not lay a finger on her nor hurl any abuse at her. the only people whom i shouted at was those who tried to pull me away. you know me, i juz wanna have my fun and HATE to be disturbed. let me make it clear now: i'm not one who will START a fight but no guarantees if i'm challenged AGAIN.

8. who doesn't make mistakes? i admit i was rude to roll my eyes away, and if it makes you happier in any way, i apologise. friends who had been with me long enough will know. i'm not the kind who puts on a false front. though i deny it at times, my expression is a true reflection of my emotions. why should i bother to be nice to someone whom i don't have a good impression of? i see no point in befriending someone when i know nothing good will come out of it.

9. it doesn't make much difference to continue dancing or stand there and do nothing except sending messages to others to get me to leave. i never did say it's your fault. right from the start, i never did not point fingers at anyone. if caring for myself deems me to be a selfish girl, i'll take the name.

10. i know the basic courtesy. thanks for reminding though. i juz find it hypocritical to smile at someone i dislike. detest is too strong a word to be used. what's the point of forcing a smile on the surface when i'm cursing at the bottom of my heart? it was in my intention to exaggerate the point about her trying to befriend me if you hadn't read the sarcasm between my lines.

at the end of it all, who are you and ken to decide what's going to happen? assurances? let me assure you one thing. even if she ever initiates a fight, i wouldn't return any blows much less start one with her. this i promise. for those friends who tried to stand up for me in one way or another, i believe it was all out of concern and i thank all of them for that. you are in no position to judge them, please don't. it wasn't in my agenda to get innocent parties involved and i'm sorry for all the problems i've directly or indirectly created. last of all, who really knows the full situation? has any of them, joanne, allan or even sebastian talked to me over this issue? i believe not. till last wednesday, i've always thought the conflict was only between the two of us. what i've discussed with a few of my friends was never directed at her. after the incident, i've not spoken to any of those that you have mentioned. what do they know then? your side of the situation or rather her side of the story.

i'm sick and tired of this. much as i want to not let it affect my life, it has. i'm trying very hard to get out of all these nonsense. i'm juz a simple girl who wants to lead a simple life. have fun and be happy. is it that difficult? even the 8 rounds of mahjong in 18 hours on friday can't make up for what i'm feeling right now.

never imagined there could be a worse mambo compared to last wednesday but it happened. my night was totally wrecked by a crazy girl. guess i was wrong to think that everything with him had been solved and settled. let's refer to him as mr tay (getting kinda messed up with the multiple him(s)). there's a saying that goes "don't go looking for trouble and trouble won't come looking for you". totally disagree with this statement. didn't do anything that could have sparked off the incident last night and it juz happened. shall leave out the details on what exactly went on on the podium. interested parties can look me up. warning: be prepared for my never ending ranting. i believe i had done my part as a friend of mr tay. learnt that his girl did not have a good impression of me (no worries, the feeling is mutual). for that reason, i steered clear of their paths. even went to the extent of not hanging out with my regular group of friends whenever the couple's around. juz wanted to stay out of trouble and don't wanna make things difficult for anyone. things were getting on pretty fine to me and i wonder what got into her head last night. why is she making herself angry over the fact that i'm ignoring her and claims that i was giving her 'the looks' since we both don't have a good impression of each other? seriously, i have not figure out why is she so interested in befriending me. look, i wouldn't want to make friends with people that i don't have a liking for. so what is it about me that's so appealing to her? why does she need the attention from me? *shrug* i have no idea. one reason could be, i WAS mr tay's friend and therefore she wanted to make peace. good effort but hey! if that's the case, show me the basic respect a friend should have for one another. i've given face by not returning any of her actions and words. didn't want to create a scene in zouk either. took a step back and she took two steps forward, stepping all over me. don't take advantage of my kindness and push me off my limit. if there's gonna be a next time, i swear i won't give in anymore. for mr tay, if you had treated me as a friend, you wouldn't have allowed your supposed girlfriend do such a thing to your friend. would you? please take your mrs tay in hand. that's all i ask for. heard you did not interfere for fear of the consequences you would face from her. and for that, i lost all the trust and faith i had in this so called friendship we had. all that you have said doesn't match your actions. and if i hafta put up with such nonsense by being your friend, sad to say i would rather give this privilege up. it's too much for me to handle. last night had been embarrassing and i don't wish for a repetition. but what's done can't be undone and i won't be able to forget what happened. no apologies would help the situation. there's no point in saying sorry after slapping a person real hard. i have slight knowledge of what you are going through from the guys and i'm really puzzled. but i respect your choice. sorry for not being understanding and for coming to such a decision. i know i'm being unfair but what's fairness? i'm not getting my fair share either. what upset me further was when friends around asked me to leave when it happened. know it was out of concern and for good of everybody. but why do i hafta be the one to leave? *sigh* she was the one who came to provoke me when i did nothing at all. juz felt unjustified to why i hafta be the one to go. in any case, thanks to all those who were there to help, especially daniel, jayce and sebastian. i apologise for being rude but was really pissed at that point in time and words juz came out of my mouth without going through the brain. *shrug* i'm contradicting myself on the apologising part but that's the least i can offer.

well, i treasure all my friends out there. no matter how we've met and what we had gone through before. i can't do without any one of you. i'm not one who gives up on my friends unless it's absolute necessary. different groups of friends had accompanied me through different stages of my life, from yangzheng to cedar to AJ and finally NTU. i'm thankful for your presence. you added colours to my life. kinda inspired after reading daniel's blog and decided to mention a few names. *smiles* not gonna give any award though coz it's gonna be a tough decision.

(not in order of merit)

Gracie: someone who will always be there for me. no matter where i am or what hour it is, she'll always be there when i need a shoulder to lean on or a listening ear. what we've gone through together for the past ten years have made our friendship stronger. saw me through my most down periods and shared my happiest moments.

Shirleen: a girl who never fails to offer me comfort and who is a great listener. though we seldom get to meet, we still remain as close as ever. since day one in cedar, we've been through lots of ups and downs and made our friendship to be what it is today. will never forget our pineapple tarts making and brownies baking days.

Janice: my dearest lao gong who's been a great team-mate and soul-mate. went through lots of hard training and tough competition from cedar to AJ. shared tears and joy. training camps will never be the same without her. i'll always be her dear princess.

Quanrong: my ex-boyfriend who treats me better now than when we were together. always offering good advices and can trust him on giving frank answers. buys me my favourite donuts in times of need. in case of emergency, he's always the first help line on the list.

Susan: best friend in hall. guess the only common interest we have is food. does the craziest things when we're together. can be trusted upon to take care of me when i'm drunk.

for those who are not mentioned above, don't feel sad. *grins* you're all dear to me, especially my team-mate cum classmate for four years (bibiana), my boi (peiling), my regular mahjong kakis (adrian, jeffery, jj) and my clubbing friends (allan, daniel, jayce, sebastian etc).

events that brightened up the past week:
- dad bought twelve durians home on friday and we had a durian feast! *yum yum*
- played mahjong on monday, tuesday and wednesday coz adrian's back! (gonna have another session this coming friday. *grins*)
- today's the 2nd anniversary of getting my driving licence! 7th JULY! *yay*

my blink blink has yet to be found. *pouts* i've not gone back to hall since last friday. there weren't any other reasons for me to make a trip back except to find my ring. don't want to do so as the disappointment would have been greater if i can't find it. now, i'm juz hoping that i will recover my precious blink blink the next time i'm back in hall. *sigh* the last few days has been quite monotonous. no mahjong on friday makes catherine a dull girl. *laughs* adrian has flown to america for holiday. jeffery and jj seem to be busy with their business project. susan has to rest at home after the accident on wednesday. guess the next mahjong session with them is probably gonna be when adrian returns. went double o on saturday and met the usual group of people. both the music and the crowd was normal though many of the favourites were spinned. was a pretty peaceful night. probably too peaceful that things hafta turn out a little bad nearing the end. received a message from him (my clubbing buddy) after i got home. *shrug* till now, i've yet to figure out what exactly is he trying to imply. nevertheless, i appreciate the effort that he's put in to mend the broken friendship and i suppose this episode has come to an end(finally). glad that we're still friends but i'll leave it to fate to decide whether or not we can be as good as before. wednesday is here again. hoping for tonight's mambo to be as good as (if not better than) last week. apparently, there's a jcrc 'bonding session' at zouk after our formal meeting in town. *laughs* it's one of the oldest trick to get people to club. wonder if it'll work. *winks* by the way, it wasn't my idea.

my blink blink went missing! it's so upsetting! had it for less than a month and it's a birthday pressie from my parents. *sobs* swept every corner of the floor and searched every inch of the table. still no sign of it. my room isn't exactly very big and my ring isn't that small to be missed. there's no reason to why i can't find it. this is juz very very weird. maybe it'll appear if i stop looking for it? this was what i thought of last night. but it still hasn't reappear till now. wanted to juz go home and forget about it. but i'm sore about losing the ring like that. it's so unbelievable. really wish to find it. it's too precious to me. *sigh* i want my blink blink back!

how should i start? it's been an "eventful" day. gave the day's program a miss. kinda disappointed at the planning of the current seniors camp. still hope FOC will be a success though i've lost the passion for it. my FOC as a freshie left a deep impression on me. kinda marked the start of my uni life. i believe it would be for any other freshies too. hence it better be good enough to leave an impact. now it seems hafta get a little more involved in the execution of the actual camp. headed to town for production meeting in the evening. was a little upset over the fact that i wasn't one of the main cast. came to terms with it and i'm gonna do my best for the little role i have. bet the preparation and rehearsals would be as enjoyable as the previous production if not more. looking forward to 23rd and 24th september. was shocked by a piece of terrible news after the meeting. susan, joselyn, chunky and tuang met with an accident on the lorry while on a recee for beach games at changi. messaged susan immediately and the situation didn't look good. went to zouk as planned though i was worried. for the 1st half of the night, was constantly smsing susan juz to make sure that things are alright. was kinda relieved to know that she juz needed 2 stitches. found out by chance that jerry was transferred to another bar. guess i've got a new hangout. *smiles* it was a mistake to meet up with weixing and the guys. can't really remember how much i drank. but guess it's not the quantity but more of what i had ---> e33 (my most hated alcoholic drink). told you i'm lousy at 5-10. *bleah* spent the remaining of the night on the podium. wonder why but i got it once again. joanne pushed some guy off and i was hit by the guy. lost my grip and pushed HIM off the podium by accident. he got really pissed (not at me as he claims) but i still felt bad even till now. *frown* anyway, did i mention that last night's music was fantastic? sonny was good. had loads of fun and enjoyed myself. the only comparable mambo that i can think of was the last one of 2004. things between "former good friend" and me took a change for the better i hope. had a few words and hanged out at shell with him, sebastian, allan and friends plus ken. felt kinda awkward but hafta start somewhere i suppose. shared a cab back with sebastian and he told me some stuff which i never knew. maybe it's been a case of miscommunication? shrug. reached back hall around 5 plus, checked on susan and chatted with her till now. she seems to be in a real bad shape. hope she'll get well soon.

Taken at shell after mambo.
Top: Model's own
Watch: Model's own
Earrings: From Me

time to update. it's been quite a while since i last posted. shrug. not in the mood to actually. things have been quite bad. not only that they're not going my way, plus i din expect the situation to turn out this way. juz to follow up on my previous post. i still have not talk to him yet, not to mention make peace. anyway, i believe it doesn't really make a difference to him. like i said, he's been in a lousy mood not coz of me. guess i owe him one for last wednesday at zouk. he wanted to trash things out while we were on the podium but i really din wanna discuss the issue then. made clear to him my stand but he was pretty insistent. in the end, i juz walked off. sorry for the lousy attitude. the incident kinda spoilt the evening. was a more than crowded night. saw a couple of friends. was really glad to have joo there. had my favourite drink with her. spent most of the night on the dancefloor alone. sometimes really miss those clubbing days with susan and meiling. wonder when can have the chance again. highlight of the night was my sms exchange with HIM. juz the few messages from him made me felt better. guess i'm not that hard to please. was kinda surprised that he knew about the cold war i'm having with my "former good friend" and that he knew of certain content of my blog. thanks for the concern anyway. thursday was spent playing mahjong and i realised the frequency of mahjong sessions seems to have increased. thanks to weixing. *grins* friday's session was cancelled coz almost everyone on my list had a date. spent the night out with daniel who juz came back from malaysia and friends. was quite a night at double o on saturday. tension between me and him grew more intense. i practically ignored everyone whenever he's around. i'm beginning to think i'm quite a bitch. *laughs* what's new? the night ended with me sending him a sms. can't recall the full content but i suppose it wasn't too friendly a message coz i remember being really pissed when i left. guess it's about time to settle this matter. people around me seem to be having a rough time too, especially daniel. know it's an old line but i still hafta say, dun worry so much ya. things will be fine in no time. had lunch with gracie in town at sakae on monday. lucky ger's on long leave till mid july. as usual, we walked around a little and went cartel for a 2nd round. *grins* i'm such a glutton. headed home after the early dinner to pack up for seniors camp. i'm beginning to lose interest in FOC as it's the 4th time i'm going through this. but i don't really have a choice regarding attendance. shrug. it's amazing how i spent the night in hall. stayed up to revamp my blog. it's a brand new look for a brand new me. proud of myself. din catch a wink and went straight for the morning's program. as i wasn't holding any major post this year, i kinda slacked throughout the day. was in my room after lunch to touch up the last bit of my blog. had a hard time getting the background midi to work. had canadian pizza for dinner with susan, joselyn, jeffery and paul. plain lazy and too tired to travel. was struggling to keep my eyes open while watching "tong xin yuan" on channel 8. so glad when the show ended coz i could finally hit my bed. couldn't hold out any longer. but guess what?!? i woke up an hour plus later thinking it was past mid-night already only to be shocked to find out that i slept so little. wasn't the least bit tired tho. had a boring meeting with the JCRC at 11 plus till now. how uninteresting. tomorrow's wednesday le. hope it's gonna be fun. need some excitement in my life.

guess i've been a little too harsh and i apologise for that. feeling kinda guilty and wanna clear things up a bit. he's not as mean as i made him out to be in the previous post. been a good friend i suppose. being there for me when i was drunk, didn't mind me tagging along during the nights out with the guys, fetching me home and sometimes back to hall after clubbing and most of all he's been a great clubbing buddy. appreciate all that he has done. maybe i've been over-demanding and took all the attention for granted. *laughs* tend to overlook people's good once they 'ill-treat' me a little. it's not that i've forgotten all that he has done for me but it's juz in me to react this way i guess. call me a spoilt brat or whatever, but i'm still feeling lousy over what happened. *sigh*

i have no choice but to believe that when you gain something, you lose something. that's life. hazel and dawei seem to be slowly moving back into my life. though we aren't as close as before, at least we are on talking terms now. as i'm regaining my 2 lost friendships, i've lost yet another friend. it's juz me i guess. might have been oversensitive regarding this issue, but i believe that my feelings are not completely groundless. feel like i've been taken for granted by a friend, if he ever consider me as one in the 1st place. this has happened before, and i'm silly enough to let it happen a 2nd time. not gonna let it happen a 3rd time and make myself seem like a complete fool. it's petty and childish of me to wanna cut contact with him coz of this but i really don't wanna get hurt anymore. much as i hate to admit, i'm pretty affected by everything that's happened. anyway, i'm not the only one who doesn't want to resolve the differences. he admitted in a sms to daniel that he's ignoring me. can't really blame me for not wanting to talk to him right? many of you have told me that i'm feeling so pissed coz i'm carrying a torch for him. i suppose i do feel something for him (adrian and daniel must be overjoyed that i'm finally agreeing to their statement) but that's besides the point. probably my expectations of him as a friend are way too high. guess the only explanation for that is i treatED him as a good friend. shrug. i'm not the kind of person who can't share platonic friendships with guys i've taken an interest in. but look, my point is, i feel that i'm not even being treated as a friend in this case. how else do you expect me to react? i understand that the truth hurts, but i'm the kind who would rather be hurt than to be kept in the dark. maybe there's some misunderstanding somewhere. but that's what i feel. wonder if this spells the end of our friendship or if anything worse is gonna come my way. for now, i'm sticking to my decision. to my friends who are constantly hearing my complains and suffering from my mood swings, thanks! especially daniel who's kinda caught in between on saturday. sorry if i've made things difficult for you.

it was supposed to be a happy night. met quanrong earlier in the evening to collect my pressies. he got me a mickey and minnie plus pooh! *smiles* i've always got a soft spot for soft toys remember? really love them alot. *hugs* headed down to zouk and to my surprise, it was pretty crowded. wonder why. *grins* bumped into a senior whom i had a huge crush on back in AJ. he's actually one year my junior in CE. shrug. never had the chance to get to know him till last night. what made my day was the fact that he was the one who tried to make conversation. *winks* saw him a couple of times in school and if i remember correctly, i was in the same class as him for HRM. *laughs* that probably made him think that we belong to the same batch. it never did occur to him that i was his junior in JC. who would anyway? stayed low profile throughout the 2 years. not gonna reveal who he is, so keep guessing people. got a little cranky last night that i decided to dance with HIM. saw him alone on the dance floor and seized the opportunity. been contemplating to do so for a long time. well, it was a short one but was enough to make me smile. as promised, i'm not gonna post what made me crazy last night. i've told no one about it and i guess i'm juz gonna let it pass. for good. summer rain is still my favourite mambo song and it's gonna stay that way.

a very big THANK YOU to all my friends who remembered my birthday. thanks for the smses, cards, pressies, drinks, hugs and kisses. love ya all! you made my 23rd birthday a memorable one. could for once ignore the fact that i've actually aged on this day.

3rd June(birthday eve):
spent the night playing mahjong at adrian's house. had a hard time finding kakis. glad daniel was available. should play with us more often and you'll be more trained le. *grins* received lots of birthday wishes at midnight. sorry if i didn't reply, my poor phone has got zero reception at adrian's house. was quite disappointed as i scrolled through the messages cause none was from HIM. *sigh* probably bore too high hopes that he will actually bother to wish me and hence the unhappiness. well, it's my birthday and i wasn't prepared to let him ruin this special day.

4th June:
stayed home with my parents for the day. cut cake and took pictures. though we do this every year, i still look forward to this annual little celebration at home. my parents are really sweet people. *smiles* bought me a yummy chocolate cake, pretty pink and white poodle pillow and nice nice diamond ring. so sweet right? *big big smile* met up with gracie in the evening for dinner. sorry that i was late. had a hard time deciding what to wear. *grins* dinner was settled at PS swensens. i had omelette with double cheese filling, deep fried mushrooms as side and a fire house happy birthday for dessert. time to lose weight. *laughs* for a start, we decided to walk to double o to meet up with the rest. *grins* was a rather crowded night at the club. spent the whole night dancing till 2 plus before i reluctantly left. it was the start of my nightmare. most of the regulars had left by then. less for me to drink. *big grins* shan't list down what i drank but i believe the amount of beer i had last night was more than what i had drunk for the past 23 years. i'm serious. in any case, thank you guys for all the drinks. glad i could walk out of the place with grace. *smiles* but was kinda light headed already. it was a feat that i managed to not puke before i got home. anyway, i concussed once i got home with my phone on silent mode. got a shock when i wakey to see 56 missed calls and a few unread messages. apologies to everyone. know you were pretty worried for my safety when i didn't answer the calls.

to Gracie, Shirleen: thanks for the big big pooh! (thanks to hazel too) love it! good to have another sleeping partner. *grins* great to have ya company at double o. i'm sorry if i neglected you gals but i really couldn't help it as it's retro night. *grins* know you were there juz for me. *muacks*

to Susan: thanks for coming down to double o to watch over me. *grins* though i didn't use the life line but was really glad you were there. enjoyed dancing with ya. but muz admit that i'm old le. legs starting to ache after a bit of dancing.

to Ziwei: thanks for the company, the drinks, the hug, the ride home and sending me all the way to my door step. *grins* it was quite a successful attempt at making me drunk. *bleah* it's pay back time on 4th july ya. *winks*

learnt a lesson the hard way. due to clubbing, lack of sleep and being stuck in the freezing NTU Library 1 for 6 hours, my condition worsened. got home and took my temperature. 39 degrees. gosh! felt like dying. was aching all over and had no appetite. wat could be worse? don't feel like eating? that's so unlike of me. sorry for the lagging replies at sms or the missed calls. dozed off here and there while watching tv. supposed to meet jason and min to do up the room allocation. but was too sick to drag myself out of bed. many apologies for that. anyway, i'm feeling better already. temperature has gone down though my back is still aching. throat feels a little sore and getting a slight cough. but no worries for me, i'll be fine in no time.

looking for mahjong kakis for tonight. seems like an eventful night. everyone is occupied. *sigh* praying hard that i can find the last leg. ziwei asked how i'm gonna spend my birthday eve. well, i'm probably gonna follow my routine to play mahjong or stay home. not gonna go on a date with anyone unless it's sumone special to me. *smiles* anyway, as the years go by, i'm beginning to dread celebrating my birthday. getting old and i've not accomplished anything. feel kinda useless. nevertheless, i'm still looking forward to tomorrow. gonna have the usual cake cutting at home with my parents and meet up with gracie and shirleen in the evening. thanks for all the early wishes and for remembering.

poor me has fallen sick. got nagged at for wanting to go mambo after being 'bedridden' the whole of yesterday. down with fever, flu and sorethroat plus a splitting headache. well, come to think of it, it's a little crazy. in any case, i know i'll feel uneasy if i didn't go. the night was really bad due to my condition. forced myself to smile at times but it's really hard. forgive me for the black face. was feeling terrible physically, that's all. felt so uncomfortable that i gave my favourite summer rain a miss, decided to stay at the bar instead. guess the air at the dance floor wasn't too good. the only moment that made me smile from within was when HE held my hand. *grins* was pushed off the platform and sumone held onto me. when i looked up and realised that it was him, i almost melted. the incident became an excuse for me to sms him later in the night. *smiles* it was a long night. chatted with ziwei, sebastian, daniel and jayce at shell till 5 plus. got home at 6. took a 1 hour nap, showered and now i'm back in school trying to register for my modules. think system screwed up again. i can't log in to STARS! *sigh*

gosh! it's so crowded in town. seems like a weekend to me. must be the great singapore sale and the school holidays. susan's on 2 days mc. unfit for work but fit enough to go town. *grins* met her for late lunch and walked around a bit but didn't manage to get anything. been an interesting day though. strolling down orchard and i had a feeling. still wondering if it's good or bad. to further confirm my doubt, i saw him. *laughs* the guy i always see at prudential road shows. guess what?!? found out that he's actually mingwei, mpe graduate, friend of susan. heard of this name before but didn't realise that it's him. what a coincidence. saw another familiar face at the road show --- jimmy teo. we chatted a for a while. was kinda bewildered by a piece of information (or gossip) and i'm gonna find out the truth. met shanas on the train back home. he knew about me being the chauffeur on saturday. apparently, ziwei must have complained about my lousy driving skills. *grins* anyone wants a ride?

*sigh* got my results last evening. it was bad. at a loss of what to do. need some time to sit down and think of what i really want. thanks to all those who offered help of any kind. really appreciate them. don't worry, i'll come up with something as soon as possible (i hope). think i might have a slight change in original plan. shrug. went ahead with mahjong with adrian, jeffery and JJ later in the night. had to divert my attention for a while. wonder if it's a good or bad thing that i actually felt better after the session. *grins* juz came back from a vegetarian buffet at quality hotel with gracie, shirleen and boyfriend (fabian) plus hazel. it's kind of like my birthday celebration (part 1). *smiles* surprised and happy that hazel actually turned up. been a long time since the four of us got together like this. no awkward silences and everything seems like nothing had happened. hope things will get better. glad she's slowly coming back into my life. it's a good start for now. looking forward to next saturday.

Tuesday:
made a trip back to hall early in the morning to settle a few pending issues. was supposed to meet the gers (gracie and shirleen) in town at 12. got delayed in campus and only managed to reach at 1 plus. caught them by surprise when they found out that i took a train down. *grins* had lunch at marche before we went around to shop for shirleen's working necessities. hate to admit but age is catching up fast on us. our legs were tired after a short while. as soon as shirleen got what she wanted, a pair of working shoes, we decided to go for coffee. well, it ended up to be my dinner. wonder when will we have another chance to come out to shop and have coffee after gracie's leave ends and shirleen starts working. so gonna miss hanging out with you gers.

Wednesday:
well, no one's gonna believe where i went in the day. was at the library with gracie! *laughs* been bumming around too much and decided to do something constructive. brought home 2 novels (hope i'll have the determination to finish reading them). even my mum was amazed when i went home with the books. finally, the long awaited mambo has arrived but it turned out to be a lousy night. music sux. crowd sux. the attention HE had from this particular group of gers probably made it a little worse. he calls me silly for being jealous but i think it's pretty normal. i have to say this, though we only communicate through smses, i really appreciate the effort to make me feel better. whatever the reason of the sudden change might be. thanks! another upset of the night was the liverpool match. at one point of time, i wonder if i was really the jinx. glad the game ended in a penalty shoot-out. anyway, besides HIM, sumone else's sms ended my night on a better note. not gonna say who it is, but if you're reading my blog and know i'm referring to you (i really hope you know who you are), *hugs*.

Thursday:
supper night in hall! level 7 yummy kitchen reopens! been a long time since we had such a crowd at level 7. for those who missed the session, it's your loss! *laughs* we had sumone new who joined us for the 1st time (bet there are many more to come) - joselyn. people come and go. supper kakis in hall has been changing. miss the old times when the fatties were still around, when the theory of 'not asking if you are hungry, juz asking you to eat' was implanted. *grins* how not to put on weight?!?
Supper Menu:
- Pasta in Cream of Mushroom (or was it wild mushroom?)
- Mushroom & Cheese Omelettes
- Hashbrowns (with cheese)
- Vegetarian Dumplings

*sigh* the verdict's gonna be out in a few hours. really dread this but i hafta face up to reality sooner or later. should i check my results after saturday? at least i'll get to enjoy for 2 more days. escapist! yes, that's what i wanna be now. wonder how i'm gonna do. wish me luck ya. gonna sleep my fears away. good night!

it was definitely a night to rememeber. was at chinablack for the retro party. the last time i visited the place was probably 2 years ago with gracie and shirleen. *laughs* why am i not surprised to see a handful of mambo regulars. *grins* kinda enjoyed myself. fun people to hang out with. anyway, that's not the main reason for me being so unusually happy. sumone's presence made it special. i shant mention any names. *smiles* was juz trying my luck when i sent him the sms. surprised but was really happy at the same time to get his reply. when he told me he's considering coming down, it made my night! wasn't really expecting that he would really appear and when ziwei spotted him, i was over the moon. we didn't have any contact through the night. seeing him was enough for me, at least for now (sounds a little crazy but that's how i feel). what made it better was the smses we exchanged after we left the place. it was kinda weird that he had a sudden change of attitude. but it was a change for the better for me. at a certain point, i actually had the idea that it wasn't him that was replying. but shrug, don't really care, i'm gonna take it as it is. hope things will get better for him and me. looking forward to seeing him on wednesday. =)

last night's mambo was great. was kinda expecting a crowd due to hall 2's bash. it turned out to be not that bad after all. maybe it was the alcohol. shan't list down what i drank last night. guess i was still a little upset by what happened over the weekend. surprised that i manage to dance for the whole night. apart from alcohol, think i gulped down a few glasses of ice water plus cherries. felt super bloated. but think the water kinda cleared my head a little. *grins* it was probably HIM that kept me on the dancefloor. and it was him that made me feel better. come to think of it, last night seems to be the 1st time he talked to me in zouk after we broke up. well, did i ever mention that geminis are fickle minded? uhm.. shrug. he's juz sumone whom i hope to be friends with all over again. as for the other, don't even wanna think about it. getting a little confused by myself.

juz hung up the phone. had an interesting conversation with daniel. couldn't stop laughing throughout tho it's kinda mean to build my happiness on his sadness. thought some laughter would cheer me up, but it doesn't seem to work that way. shrug. what's wrong with guys around me? or izzit juz me? one has decided to reply my messages and another starts to ignore. decided not to take initiative to contact him, but due to unforeseen circumstances, i had to drop him a message. it was a pretty normal sms, no signs of me wanting to start a cold war. he didn't reply anyway. wonder why i'm so affected but the fact is i am. going crazy le. he seems to always be in my conversation with anyone. shrug. *sigh* no good. looking for kakis to go shopping. help! gracie is stuck at home, susan hafta rush report. poor me! need to find sumthing for saturday's dinner. *sulks* what a lousy way to start the week. can sumone juz tell me what to do?

life's been pretty great for the past week till last night i guess. rushed back to hall on monday to submit the slashing of eca points to hall office only to realise that there's only one such case. what a waste of my time and effort. met up with jan and boi for lunch in town. been a long time since i last saw boi. she changed, for the better i would say, really happy for her =). for the 1st time, i see her in a bright pink top, sumthing which i wouldn't imagine her in in the past. went around town to look for a skirt for jan. wonder if it's us or her, can't seem to find sumthing that looks ok on her. *grins* probably we're juz not used to her looking so demure. wednesday's mambo was good. nothing special about the night but i had fun. hanged out at shell with the guys till late. met sumone there and he seemed to have gotten into sum kind of trouble. decided to drop him a sms to ask if he's alrite. *smiles* i actually had a reply! it's a bonus for me i guess. never expected him to reply. the message really perked up my spirits for the week. planned to go tanning at sentosa on thursday but was cancelled due to the weather. *sigh* stayed home the whole day in the end. visited gracie on friday morning with shirleen and hazel (surprised?). she seemed to be happier as compared to the last time we met up, i mean hazel. can't remember when the four of us last had a gathering. sumtimes, i juz wish things hadn't turn out this way. we were such good frens back then. *sigh* had lunch with shirleen at sakae before she dropped me off at paradiz. hafta agree that i'm an attitude ger. *laughs* wasn't on purpose. don't like to wait and the rest gonna be late. plus mahjong is juz too tempting. so i decided to give up ktv for mahjong. wonder if it was a mistake coz i'm still on the losing streak. had 5 rounds of mahjong that night. anyway, a very big sorry to all those who tried looking for me on friday. my phone doesn't have any reception at adrian's place so i couldn't be reached. got home at 5 in the morning and sent my parents off before i went to bed. tho it's gonna be a short trip, i know i will miss them. lazed around at home till dinner time on saturday. met daniel for dinner at marche. gosh! we spent half an hour at suntec trying to look for a parking lot. and as usual, he blames it on my bad luck at work. headed down to double o after dinner. was in a pretty good mood when i got there. however, sumthing happened that affected me quite a bit for the whole night, even till now. shrug. those who know me well should have known by now what was bugging me. anyway, i'll be fine. kinda made a decision, keeping my fingers crossed that i can keep to it. *grins*

Wednesday:
lousy and disappointing night at zouk. guess it's juz me. been a long time since mambo was so crowded (crowded seems like an understatement tho). stoned for the whole evening. the only people who caught my attention were yin and girlfriend plus my ntu number 2! *laughs* was told that he wasn't around, so seeing him there was a bonus. *smiles* hanged out at shell with ziwei, sebastian, jo and jayce till 5 plus. there's gonna be a great show next week. looking forward to it. *grins* hope there wun be anymore disappointment.

Thursday:
tho it feels good that exams have ended, life seems really aimless. got up at 11 not knowing what to do. no plans at all. spent the whole day staying home watching tv and meddling with my pc. so glad when daniel smsed me in the evening saying that he was heading to town to run some errands and asked if i was interested in catching a show. watched "House of Wax". no doubt the show was quite good, it's more of a gruesome movie rather than a horror movie to me.

Friday:
wanted to head back hall to settle the eca points for hall office. got a call from idol and decided to play mahjong instead. *grins* had 3 rounds of mahjong with xuanru, weixing and zusheng. still on the losing streak. guess it's juz coincidence, but i choose to believe otherwise. my luck changed for the better when i received a call from someone. *smiles* feel happy tho i still lost 16 in the end. headed down to amk for 2nd round of mahjong with adrian, jeffery and jj. planned to start early coz adrian had to work the next day. in the end, we played till 4 in the morning. my goodness. 7 rounds of mahjong in one day. that's a record for me.

Saturday:
dragged myself out of bed early coz hafta meet grace for lunch in town. lucky ger's going batam for a spa holiday. *envious* everytime after meeting up with grace, it makes me more certain that she's probably the only one who understands me - knows what i really want and what i'm thinking. went double o in the night as usual. getting quite sick of the hot and crowded place. but shrug, nothing to do anyway, and din wanna stay home. went for supper with ziwei, daniel and frens. was blamed for daniel's recent bad luck. *laughs* wonder if it's really related to me.

yay! so happy! survived the 3 weeks of torture. *laughs* went clubbing and had mahjong sessions but the feeling is juz different. guess i can party all i want tonight without feeling guilty. *grins* it's wednesday again! time for mambo! nothing much to update about my life tho, pretty much the same. is that good or bad? seems dull. oh.. i did meet up with my aj team last friday. dinner at esplanade. caught up a little with them. had fun gossiping. *smiles* miss them so much, especially my Janice lao-gong. made plans to go buffet, sun-tan and mahjong after exams. can't wait to go out have fun. not forgetting my dearest gracie and shir ---> when are we gonna meet? haven seen you girls for ages! sms me ya?

2005 April - Esplanade Janice & Me

*grins* im back! reason why i've not been blogging: mugging hard at home. *laughs* got bugged by a few people to update. so here i am. life's been pretty much of the same routine: clubbing on wednesday and saturday, all other days you can find me at 2 places - airport or home. guess i din go anywhere else. oh! i did! met ziwei and company late last friday to catch a show, 2 shows rather, after a sumptous dinner with susan at jp. had swensens tis time. anyway, caught "The Pacifier" and "Infection". the former is a great comedy. had a good laugh. as for the latter, can sumone please go watch it and decipher the story for me? got kinda lost during the movie. wednesday's mambo was kinda different. sonny was on mc and aldrin was spinning. they finally played my favourite SUMMER RAIN! that song made my nite. *smiles* had a good time dancing and laughing with SEBASTIAN and ziwei. every week, i seem to get to know more regulars tho i hafta admit that i dunno all of their names. uhm... and i guess my efforts are not paid off, at least for now. my 1st paper ended 1 plus hour ago. im so gonna fail. killer paper! *sigh* i've done wateva i can i guess. it's all up to fate now. not gonna brood over it. looking for people to hang out with tonite. wanted to stay home to prepare for my next paper but guess im not in the mood anymore.

been quite "emotionally unstable" for the past 2 weeks. i noe i'm juz being silly. *shrug* feel much better now that things are kinda cleared up. guess i'm the kind who prefers to be upset than confused. tho i'm still kinda confused. *sigh* it's not the time for such stuff coz exams really round the corner le. in order to still go clubbing, i hafta make full use of the rest of my time. the coming 24 days gonna be a real long and torturous. wat a dread! but sometimes juz can't help but think of him. times like now.

*laughs* juz back from another eating session with susan. went sakae this evening. we came to a conclusion that thur is probably a meeting day for us. to meet up for updates and gossips and food! *grins* din plan to meet her today. but wanted to collect my shoes from town and susan forgot her keys, so decided to help her fetch her keys and meet up. was wondering if this will continue after we start working. but that's still a sum time away i guess. =<

feels pretty good to club alone once in a while. *grins* do feel that something seems to be missing. *shrug* can't take things (attention) for granted. guess wat's the most frequently asked question for the nite? "Where's your boyfriend?" *laughs* it was a crowded nite and the music wasn't really nice. spinned my favourite "summer rain" tho. *smiles* i'm easily satisfied. looking forward to wednesday already. i'm supposed to be mugging. but still need to destress. that's the excuse i'm giving myself.

someone asked susan this question: why do you and cat clique so well when your personalities are so different? susan's answer: FOOD! *laughs* i finally understand why my weight always seem to be increasing whenever i'm in hall. the supper sessions plus non-stop eating of junk. thot this would stop for some time since susan and me are seldom in hall nowadays. but NO! met susan in town for the evening. i realise that when the both of us are together, we'll always think of food. *grins* walking along the streets of orchard, we were thinking of what to have for dinner at 6pm. decided to make our way to wheellock. sakae had a long queue (i wonder why so on a thur) so we made our way to nydc.
Dinner:
- Porky's Salad (Dressing: Thousand Island) *Ham by the side*
- Iced Hazelnut Elephanchinno (for susan)
- Iced Peach Elephanchinno (for me!)
- Priscilla's Favourite (Dessert)
to digest our dinner, we walked to dohby ghaut so that we can catch the NEL home. but only we know, we have an evil plan hatching. *grins* when we reached PS, i swear our legs brought us to swensens. we've got nothing to do with it.
Dinner Round 2:
- Fries and Dip
- Banana Crumble
was feeling real full and we made our way home. realised i'm suppose to go supper with ben. *laughs* promise i'll make up for the supper. i'm juz too tired and bloated.

back from mambo. it's the worst nite i ever have. reason? dun ask. not gonna say. and i dun tik the person that have made it so bad will ever noe and never would have guessed it's him. okie. it's HIM. everything juz went wrong. now, i'm juz sulking and sulking and more sulking. i juz wonder when i'll feel better. after i sleep? or when i wake up tmr? or i'm never gonna feel better? at least not in the near future i guess. pardon me for all these nonsense. i juz dunno why i'm feeling so sour. or maybe bitter is a better description.

finally got to meet up with grace. the last time we met was before cny. my goodness! that's so long ago. anyway, had dinner with her and caught up a bit. she's oso collecting the hello kitty magnets from 7 eleven and she's left with only 3 to completing! how amazing! she made a comment that sumone seems more like my boyfriend than all my ex. *laughs* come to think of it, she has a point. went double o later in the night with ziwei and we have a guest appearance - susan! retro started earlier than usual and lasted longer than usual. felt so exhausted. din really enjoy the night. dunno why. juz feeling distracted and affected. *shrug*

realised there're quite a bit of stuff to do for my lab. *sigh* plus points appeal, i tik i've got thousand and one things to do this weekend. met susan for lunch at canteen A then headed to town in hope of collecting my new shoes. as expected, my shoes were not ready but the consolation is i got myself another pair! *grins* decided to pamper myself and go shopping. happy happy day! bought a new top and skirt from mango. *smiles* stayed home for the rest of the night while waiting for confirmation of plans from ziwei. went PS to meet up with the guys. never had a more exciting time getting the tickets. wanted to catch "The Eye 10", both 110am and 150am tickets were already sold out. our only chance is to get the uncollected bookings. so we waited. no luck for the 110am show. almost settled for "Ms Congenality 2". but ziwei was bent on watching the former. so we waited again. at last, we got the tickets we wanted but had to split 3-2 separated by a row. all of us were expecting to watch a horror movie and i have no idea why there were constant laughters. the show was a disappointment. sumhow the scary parts seemed funny. to think i was so looking forward to the show.

the night started off pretty badly. *shrug* probably due to the not-so-great music. lots of regulars were around and it's become sort of like a gathering. sometimes i wonder if seeing dawei every week is the cause of me not getting over him. but one thing for sure, i'll not stop going to mambo juz to avoid him. anyway, was dancing on the platform as usual and guess wat?!? i found myself landing on the dance floor. was in a state of shock for a few seconds. a regular tried to push sumone else off the top and guess i was pushed off as well. decided to take a break to go for a drink. went to the bar and asked for a labo. jerry looked at his watch and said that it's too late for such a strong drink. *laughs* he then passed me a glass of ice water. after chatting with him for a while, i asked to have a cherry. *grins* he took a glass and filled it up with lots of cherries! that really made my day or rather night. went back to the dance floor and shared my lovely cherries with sum of the guys. i wonder if it's the magic of the cherries or did the music get better, the rest of the night went pretty well. headed to shell with ziwei to get a drink. as his car was in the workshop, i took a cab back to hall. oh.. realised i din have enough cash with me. *laughs* called up nice nice susan to save me. thanks alot!

i wonder if the mood swing has got anything to do with my tiredness, or im simply sick of people's double standards. juz got back to hall from kbox. supposed to be a great night but ruined. should have stuck to my original plan: stay in hall and play mahjong with the 62 gang. it would probably have started my weekend with a better note.

*tired* it was one of the best mambo i had for some time. sonny played every song that i could think of. great night. my legs are aching tho. but it's worth it. *grins* a couple of "missing" regulars turned up too. bet most of the people who were around had fun too. thanks ziwei! know you are really exhausted from the speed you drove at. glad you got home safely. now i can go to bed without any worries. nite nite!

juz watched "Poohs Heffalump" with susan at jp. all disney characters lovers out there: this is a movie that you muz catch! it's a wonderful production. *smiles* tho it's only 70 mins long, you'll love the show. and guess wat?!? i've plans to catch it again with my "lao gong" and boi. *grins* yes, im crazy! i juz simply love pooh and his frens!

another week has passed and i'm behind time for my revision! when was i on time anyway? had mahjong at adrian's house with susan and daniel on saturday evening. not really concentrating the whole evening and i have no idea why. routine says i hafta go dbl o but wasn't in the mood to club. so when ziwei said the guys and him are gonna catch a show, i decided to join them for a more toned down night. wanted to leave after 2 rounds of mahjong, but adrian wanted to continue. as his most reliable kaki, i stayed on. received lots of smses asking if i was at dbl o, mostly from zouk regulars, including melvin! *laughs* guess i'm juz not fated to see melvin. the only saturday that i decided to give dbl o a miss, he's there. was juz in time for the 130am movie "Boogeyman". we then had a more interesting show coming up. *grins* shall not reveal too much. went to chill out with the guys till 6am before going home. dragged myself out of bed at 11 plus on sunday morning. gonna be late for the gathering with the auditors. seldom get to meet up with them, so i'll make the extra effort. took a cab down to suntec. to make things worse, there was a jam and i was half an hour late, but i wasn't the latest. chin jin and agnes were on their way from office. hafta work even on sunday?!? had lunch at marche and gossiped abit. caught bangkok university team at cheerobics and headed home. spent most of the time at home watching tv and reading notes. the start of another week. hope everything will be good.

it was a lousy night at zouk. i got there earlier than usual. it juz din feel right. well, they changed the deco a little and the music was a little soft. the crowd looked different too. kinda young. anyway, very few regulars were around. ziwei called up sebastian and managed to get that guy down. at least gonna have one more familiar face around. ziwei and me then went outside zouk to "people watch". *grins* when we went back in at 11, mambo already started. the music was really good. had a quick drink and joined the rest at the dance floor. the night was pretty alrite at the beginning. after a while it was packed in there. had groups of people forcing their way onto the platform. i dun mind people coming up and dance, but not when it's already full up there and they simply come up to chat. got kinda irritated and stepped down to the dance floor instead. oh yes, saw dawei as usual and it was kind of a close contact. close enough to say hi. but i din. neither did he. not even a smile. shrug. not that i care. but it juz makes me wonder why.

thanks for all those who went down to give me moral support! was quite fun "singing along" with yanzi the 1st time. *grins* never expect to have a chance to re-do my song. it was plain luck to have gotten 1st runner up. went for dinner at ah fang with marvin and yvonne after the competition. was starving when i was singing. *yawnz* im falling asleep on my notes already. dead tired. guess shall try to finish up juz a little more. *sigh* my pc is showing signs of crashing again.

i juz dun understand why everyone doubted me when i said im studying right at this very moment. well, at least i was 100% devoted to my notes when i 1st started reading. then it became 80% reading and 20% neopets. as more people came online, it changed to 60% msn, 20% icq, 15% neopets and 5% reading. *laughs* now, it's 50% msn, 40% blogging and 10% reading. juz wanted to blog. probably to mark my 1st official day of mugging. *grins* and im contemplating to go town tomorrow. in the mood to shop tho allowance not in yet. oh yes, tomorrow's my "big" day - hall's talent-time finals. decided on the song juz this afternoon - yanzi's "kai shi dong le". shall try find time to practise a little. got professional judges wor. wish me luck! better get back to at least 50% reading. *winks*

*sigh* another week has passed. played 4 rounds of mahjong at adrian's house with jeffery and susan on friday night. went jalan kayu for supper at 5 plus am. had prata and chatted abit. reached home at 7am. showered and concussed. got up at 1230pm to catch my favourite taiwanese drama at the moment - lavendar. been a tiring week. not enough sleep i supposed. decided to stay home and nua. fell aslp in front of the tv after dinner. had a quick wash up at 10pm, got changed and headed down to double o. met up with ziwei and company. it was an unusually quiet night. music wasn't too good due to the new dj i suppose. oh.. wat caught me by surprise is seeing jackson there. said "hi" and that was about it. went for a drink with ziwei at the bar at 1 plus. no worries. had a bottle of bacardi and that's all. *grins* uhm.. it was a weird night. retro music came on again and we went to the dance floor. ziwei's eyes were on this ger that caught his eye before we took the break. pestered him to get to know her but he simply refused. tsk tsk. another surprise for the night. met my niece's ex-boyfriend. din recognise him at 1st. thought that his pick-up line was pretty lame. *laughs* came up to me and asked if i had a cousin called janice. well, i din have a cousin named janice. so i assumed he got the wrong person. when the lights came on, it hit me that he was referring to my niece whom i know only by her chinese name. he seems like he haven got over her. shrug. anyway, ziwei went to pick his sis and her fren at cine and we headed to newton for supper. was happily listening to them gossip about their frens. it was almost daybreak when we left for home. spent almost the entire sunday in bed. wat a luxury. it was a dread when i had to come back to hall after dinner. the beginning of another boring week. kinda stressed up by the nearing of exams. muz start studying hard. but muz destress at times too. *grins* like wednesdays, fridays and saturdays. *winks*

so the story continues. ziwei did not reply my sms - busy in camp or busy sleeping i suppose. quanrong gonna study for his 30% quiz for tomorrow. so i got susan to accompany me to town. grabbed sum light snacks (mochi and sum biscuits) from susan's room before leaving. while waiting for 199, ziwei called. he had plans with his frens to catch a show. susan and i decided to tag along. took the bus out to JP and felt kinda sick on the journey so i suggest that we take a cab down to zouk. guess wat event they had for the nite? CHIJ bash! how interesting. *grins* so i collected my bag (finally!) and headed to town. had dinner at marche - wild mushroom soup, rosti, mushroom & cheese crepe, bread butter pudding =) anyway, had a complimentary ham & cheese crepe for susan coz the guy gave me the wrong order at first. got my mushroom & cheese and got to keep the ham & cheese. but well, susan's appetite shrinking. din eat the ham and cheese in the end. wat a waste. walked over to cineleisure to meet up with ziwei and frens. he was at the arcade and the show was like in an hour plus time. susan and i then went for a bit of shopping. saw sum cute tops and nice skirts but i resisted the temptation. shall wait for next allowance to come in. and you wun believe wat i did. bought 5 tubes of mentos at 7 eleven so that i can collect my hello kitty magnet. yes yes. crazy ger. it's my latest craze now. *laughs* caught the movie "Hitch". it was a funny yet touching show. nice! after the show sum of the guys left and the rest of us went to chill out at coffee club. learnt more about wat happened at zouk. filled in the blanks that was on my mind. ziwei told me that jayce was there most of the time with me. thanks alot. =) but it wasn't juz about the fateful nite. gossiped a bit with the guys about a particular ger. got them quite interested. had an evil plan planned. *winks* hope can execute. talked about supernatural forces. reminded me of my fright nite as freshie at old changi. *shivers* and the nite ended with ziwei's experience. it's kinda amazing how much he had gone through before. on the way to get the car, he asked me a question which i was not surprised by it at all.

ziwei: answer me honestly. did you see dawei last nite?

me: no. i was drunk before i saw him.

frens out there who are suspecting that i was drunk coz of him, drop the idea! it was unplanned for. i juz drank a little too fast. to date, i had only got drunk on 3 occassions. 1st time was in hall after foc at hall 12 with ah long and gang plus gracie. 2nd was at double o with my lao gong, boi and aj juniors. 3rd was like the night before. i admit the 2nd time was kinda coz of sumone that i got drunk and you know who you are. *bleah* and he's probably the only one whom i'll ever be so affected by ever again. dawei's not worth it. came to my senses. juz wanna get over him. enough blogging for the day. need to sleep. (susan: i'll update my blog again about my unlucky moments. too lazy now. be patient ya. "good things" are worth waiting for!)

argh. feeling super nauseous now. superb hangover. very hungry but dun think my stomach can take any food. millions of thanks to those who helped me at zouk or in hall last night, especially ziwei, susan, jeffery. ziwei: hope i din spoil your night. it was unplanned for me to get drunk. now i'm juz wondering how to get my stuff back from zouk. feeling lazy and dun feel like moving. all i have with me now is my IC, debit card and 2 bucks. *laughs* so not gonna survive.

had sakae buffet with susan in the evening at raffles place. we were too full by the end of an hour and we decided to take a walk. 9pm. most of the shops were closed already. so shopping is out. so we juz started walking from raffles place all the way to town. how amazing. took around an hour. been a long time since i walked so much. finally we reached somerset and decided to take the train back. bought haagen daz rum & raisin from 7 eleven on my way back *smiles* i'm a happy ger. it's raining outside. it's gonna be nice to sleep in. *smiles* juz got back from yet another mahjong session with ryan and gang. was on my own tonite. glad that i was kinda lucky. anyway, i've decided to get over my old neopet account being frozen some time back and created a new account. *grins* gonna be playing neopets once again. *laughs* good luck to me. gonna go rest for tonite's mambo. nite nite.

finally can take a break from keying points. really not in the best of mood since sunday coz of all the things i hafta do. apologies to all those who tried to get to me and you either get ignored or snapped at. was so glad that the system shut me out at 12 midnight sharp. *grins* went to play mahjong with ryan and gang again. it's always a good idea to share with ryan. coz he'll always win. basically i was the free rider for the night. *winks* and thanks to the late night mahjong session, i missed my tutorial and lab. trust me, i din plan for this. i had seriously wanted to go for class but when i woke up, it was already 3pm. took a shower, went to medical centre and headed to sao to submit the merit points. really dread going sao. the journey is torturous. can't imagine how i survived going there at least once every week when i was the fin sec. anyway, i'm feeling really bored now. wondering what i should do for the rest of the evening.

clubbed at double o with ziwei. he's become my permanent clubbing kaki. *grins* met sebastian in the club too. time passed real fast. have a feeling that not many songs were spinned. really glad to hear summer rain at last tho. *smiles* it was the 1st time i danced on the centre platform at double o. unusually warm night. saw seniors and friends from hall 8, and there was an unpleasant surprise too. dawei and girlfriend (the same one since we broke up). know it's stupid of me to get upset but i have no idea why i'm so affected. till now, while writing the blog, i'm still thinking about him. i'm simply useless. *sigh* went supper with ziwei and he spent some time telling me about his secondary school life and ex-girlfriends. got to know more about this pretty boy. guess i wasn't the only one who did silly things before. glad that you have moved on, i'm sure you'll find your happiness one day.

had buffet dinner with mum and dad at quality hotel and i ate like a glutton. felt so full. the food there is not bad and lots of variety. next time shall bring gracie and shir there. we can grow fat together. *evil grin* kinda upset that i couldn't make it in time to meet up with the gers. been such a long time since we last met. miss you gers. went play mahjong at adrian's house after dinner. it's amazing how i still managed to win when i "bao" ziwei a five folds (i din want to do so actually). *bleah*

met up with ziwei and his frens to go ktv in the evening. it's amazing how i managed to survive among the whole group of guys. they make good ktv kakis tho. sing all kinds of songs and i had fun laughing at their comments. enjoyed myself. oh yes! for once, i actually din feel cold in the room, to be exact, felt kinda warm. there were just too many of us in there. fortunately, it got better as time passed. sang till 3am and went for supper at hougang superbowl. looking forward to next ktv session already. *laughs*

went clubbing at zouk with ziwei. it was an exciting night. lots of strange happenings. *laughs* a gay couple started frenching on the platform and made all our jaws dropped. the gays at zouk are getting real open. *tsk tsk* weird night. a couple of mambo songs were not played. in particular, my favourite summer rain! realised that a few of the zouk regulars visit double o on saturdays too. i was shocked that they recognise me. *grins* more clubbing kakis from now.

started mahjong at 4am. tsk tsk. contemplating to go home now but kinda lazy. it was a happy but busy tuesday. dropped by ntuc before coming back to hall. decided to buy a pint of icecream to pamper myself after such a long journey. haagen daz on sale! 9.85 per tub! hurry grab! but wait. rum & raisin or strawberry cheesecake? cant decide. both shall be it! haha. reached back hall at 4 plus. started on my small icecream fiest while consolidating some documents and updating the points. 2 tubs are really not enough. *sigh* supposed to meet jason at 8pm. but he only got back at 9 plus. good for me coz i haven finish the stuff either. meeting starting at 10 plus instead. lasted till 1am. came back to my room and do more work (was updating blog at the same time tho). received ryan's call and off i went to 62. a huge crowd was there: ryan, benny, fung chuan, anton, kelvin ho and quanrong?!? watching soccer and playing mahjong. supposed to share with ryan. heh. it's never a bad idea to do so. coz ryan seldom lose. *grins* in the end, we won 9 bucks. not too bad eh. anyway, i've decided to catch some sleep before going home. nite nite!

Sunday, February 20, 2005
got up at 11am to have breakfast. well, going out to play mahjong. so muz be good ger and wakey earlier. planned this mahjong session to make up for yesterday. but gonna play at susan's house for a change. adrian's gonna be late, so i took my own sweet time. wanted to take train but weather's too hot. took a cab instead. *grins* was the 1st person to get there. realised that marvin did not msg any of us, that sounds really bad. dropped him a msg and thank god! he's up already. adrian arrived not long after but we still couldn't start. ended up watching "you are the one" on vcr. marvin finally appeared after like 2 episodes of the drama and we could finally start. by then, i had already finished a bottle of cashew nuts (my favourite). so we started playing and eating (the latter applies to me only *laughs*). had "mua chi" and more cashew nuts. lady luck was smiling at me. cards were beautiful. and i won 30 plus after 2 rounds. adrian had to leave so susan and me had to find the last leg. got rejected by yvonne coz she "zhong se qing you", dunno go out with which guy. jeffrey had a date with his books already. ziwei already had enough rounds with his uncles. many many others couldn't make it. finally, found daniel the saviour but he could only reach in an hour. so we decided to have dinner 1st. steamboat. yes. dear susan ma prepared some cat food for her pet. after dinner, was my main course. carrefour's tiramisu icecream! hee. so daniel arrived and we continued our mahjong session. before we knew it, it's already 12am and i finished a bottle of candies (i was juz clearing stock for susan *winks*). packed up and headed home. *yawns* muz have a good sleep.

Saturday, February 19, 2005
got home at 7am after 2 rounds of mahjong with daniel and friends (eileen and regina if i din remember wrongly). *tired* jcrc meeting ended at 1am and i juz could not resist the temptation. guess im wrong about my luck changing for the better. lost 17 bucks and it's after dividing by 2. should have lost 35. maybe im not cut out to play 30-60. *laughs* excuses excuses excuses! but i dun care! *bleah* showered and went straight to bed. set my alarm at 1130am to be in time for "xun yi cao". must have missed my bed too much. slept through the alarm and got up at 1 plus instead. saw adrian's sms to play mahjong. really sorry that i had to turn him down coz got visiting to do (saturday's supposed to be reserved for mahjong with adrian). started to "nua" in the living room, watching tv, waiting for time to pass. dad finally came back and hafta drag myself out of the comfy position to get changed. as usual, i was the last to be ready and we headed to my cousin's condo at bukit batok. it's been a long time since i last saw my nephew. we never had the chance to meet up every time he comes back from england (at last!). chatted with my cousins and had a very heavy dinner. program after dinner? BLACKJACK! that's the tradition of the family. cleared the dining table and almost everyone sat around the table to play. well, i opted out coz was leaving for double o soon.

1st cousin: so you going to your boyfriend's place?

me: no boyfriend... how to go?

1st cousin: how can that be?

me: really dun have...

1st cousin: your expectations too high.

me: not me, it's the guys. *laughs*

typical conversation every cny gathering. anyway, it was time for me to go. took 5 mins to say tata to everyone and took a cab down to ms. and yes, long queue again! called david and managed to get in on guest list. *winks* glad i met kevin on the way up. if not, i'll be alone again. *sigh* retro's starting real late on saturday nites nowadays. time check: 1130pm. finally! the night started off well, nice songs. ziwei and his "colleagues" came after a while. he was all dressed up and my 1st thought: wat would jayce's comments be if he was here? *grins* it was an extremely warm night. got out of the dance floor at 2am. couldn't take the heat anymore. hanged around with the boys at double o till 3am and went to "lau pa sat" to get supper. interesting frens he's got. fun to hang out with i guess. ziwei sent us back at around 5am. sometimes feel really bad to make him drive so much, especially when he's tired and i had to go back hall. thanks pretty boy!

can't believe this. woke up at 2 this afternoon and im feeling sleepy already. miss my bed at home. *sobs* its a friday night and im stuck in hall coz of jcrc meeting. how no life! *sulks* went to catch dancetitude juz now. good dancers, nice figures, striking outfits but the choreography was a little off. anyway, really wish i can dance like them. so cool! well well, gotta go, someone's rushing. *pouts*

*grins* juz came back from a mahjong session again! thanks ryan for finding players for me and putting us up in your room. =) know you have a quiz later on, all the best! oh yes! we have a guest appearance! guess who??!!?? Mr Tan Chuan Yang! everyone was so surprised that he was one of the players. anyway, wanna play coz it was a super boring night and in hope of a change in luck. my effort finally paid off. ended my losing streak since the eve of cny! luck wasn't too good at the beginning but started to change towards the end, to be precise, after "someone" left. *laughs* shan't mention any names. i actually "zi mo" thirteen wonders! but my winnings were used to pay off my previous debts. alrite, gotta go catch my beauty sleep already, people are asking about the dark rings.

oh my! juz came back from zouk as usual. feeling a little light headed. drank quite abit tonite. hope i wun break out in rashes again tmr. dun wanna take jab. =( well, saw him again and i realised that i still find him attractive. yes yes.. especially when he dances with jayce. think i'm a little crazy here, but who cares?!? i was really tempted to strike a conversation with him tonite, but guess the worry of being ignored by him overcame all temptations. seriously, if i can turn back time, i will still wanna know him. seeing him being approached by other gers juz remind me of myself. how silly. shrug, i wonder if i'll be better off if i can let him go.*sigh*

*yawn* so sleepy. juz finished 2 rounds of mahjong with ryan and gang. wonder if it's coz i'm too greedy or i'm really down on my luck or ryan is juz too good for my standard? *grins* have been on a losing streak since the beginning of cny. well, maybe i should stop playing? *laughs* don't think i'll be able to resist the temptations. maybe i should pray hard for my luck to change for the better? i seriously hope it does.

Valentines Day is over. finally. i simply don't understand why everyone thinks i have a date this year. been asked countless times how i'll be celebrating. *laughs* waited in vain for the right one to ask me out on this special day. in the end, i gave up on the eve of valentines day and decided to date my "lesbian partner", susan. as expected, she already had a date with her "boyfriend" *winks* and i asked to tag along (how thick-skinned, but i can't be bothered). it was a pleasant surprise tho to get a stalk of rose from someone (you know who you are *smiles*). thanks dear dear. *hugs*

Monday, February 14, 2005
was snuggling in bed with baby minnie till 11 plus and decided to make my way to medical centre. *grins* came back to hall and continued to nua till 3 plus. went jp with my dates where we watched "Constantine". quite a crap show, not as good as i thought it would be. got to know that susan actually likes sweet popcorn and yvonne likes salted. it's been a long time since i ate popcorn, prefer nachos actually. anyway, we proceed to have our dinner at the foodcourt. wow! guess it's one of the rare times when we actually don't have much trouble in finding seats. it's really amazing that every single resturant at jp actually had a considerably long queue. went walk walk after dinner for the food to digest. our last stop was andersens ice cream where we waited for like 15 mins to get a table (that was another record). all of us had a sundae each. ate rum, cookies & cream and macadamia caramel. no haagen daz, andersens oso not bad. made our way back to hall and i began my routine of checking mails and keying points. *sigh*

it would be a lie if i said i din think of him. and yes, silly me couldn't resist and dropped him a sms at 10 plus wishing him a happy st valentines. as usual, no replies.

it's been a real busy cny and i wonder why. supposed to be a happy new year but it doesn't feel that way and i wonder why. *sigh* seriously, i have no idea what i really want now, priorities not set, nothing is done. i juz can't seem to be serious about life, about work. i juz can't seem to get over him. seeing him at zouk again make me realised that i do still feel for him, much as i hate him for ignoring me. if only he'll lemme know why he's giving me such treatment. izzit gonna take another guy that mean alot to me to forget him? why does history like to repeat? yes, i agree i'm silly, but what to do, that's me, wonder when i'll ever learn. wonder if the increase in frequency of clubbing gotta do with him? *laughs* but i'm enjoying all the clubbing while i can. this issue is gonna be never ending, at least for now. for people out there who's getting my mood swings, i'm sorry. oh yes! Happy Valentines' Day to me!

Our final pyramid!

the cheerleaders!

guess this post should have been up 2 weeks back. been rather busy lately that i din haf time to blog. well well, never expect myself to be in cheerleading at all, not to even say enjoy my days as a cheerleader. it was quite an experience indeed. got to know a bunch of friends whom i know will be there when i fall and i mean literally fall. *grins* for the 2-3 weeks of training, we shared joy and tears: gossip sessions, failure of stunts, enduring pain, overcoming fears... no doubt it was tough and disappointing at times, we've pulled through as a team and gave our best shot on the 13th January. who would have thot a pyramid that we've never succeed in forming during our training actually went up and held there for at least 5 secs! the satisfaction and elation cant be put down in words. happiness shot through all of us. though we did not win anything for the night, but well, we did our best and that's enough. what matters is the process and not the end results. to me, we're all champions! great job cheerleaders!

The feeling really sux! Big time! Never in my life have I been so unlucky. Can't believe there could be so many 'coincidenceS' in one night. While dancing on the platform on Saturday night at Double O, saw a familiar figure. Realised that it was the guy I've been longing to forget upon closer look. Did not expect to see him there at all. He never did frequent the place. Took out my handphone and dropped him a msg. No reply as expected. However, not long after, he appeared on the dance floor with his new found ger fren. *sigh* Surprisingly, it did not hit me that hard seeing him dancing so intimately with her. My night was further spoilt by the technical fault which lasted for almost 15 mins! After the music resumed, I was in no mood to dance at all. Who would have expect me to bump into him while leaving the dance floor. He was juz there! Right beside me! I quickened my pace and almost broke into a run. Juz as I thot I will not see him anymore, he came out of the door with her again while I was deciding where to go next with Grace. I could not believe my luck! Or rather, the lack of it. It was the last straw when he walked past me a 2nd time in the opposite direction. After this fateful night, I thought that all my feelings for him were gone. But guess I was wrong, seeing him again at mambo tonight was kinda upsetting. I dunno why, but I juz cant help but feel the heartache. I'm so useless. I actually msged him to tell him that I miss him. Wonder why I did that. He would not be bothered anyway. I'm such a big fool. *sigh*

*sigh* feel like a total idiot! got played out by sumone whom i trusted so much. i really thot he was serious, he was so nice to me, it was really like a dream cum true. after quanrong, i nv felt this way before. shrug, if he had been honest and tell me it was a fling he was looking for, i would haf played along, but he din. that's wat pissed me off the most i guess. it's really a lousy feeling to be put ur feelings into a relationship and get nothing in the end. shd really nv trust a clubber. and im beginning to believe in retribution. prob i shd juz stop being so mean to other guys? i mite get good return? i've learnt a lesson, the hard way.

Why is everything getting so complicated? I HATE politics!!! Maybe it's time I retire and start mugging. I really see no point in getting myself so involved in hall and in the end, I dun get appreciated at all. I dun trust anyone anymore. I should have seen it coming. The both of them are juz too self centred. Even if I get into the com, I will not be happy. *sigh*

*sigh* I'm really confused. Dunno what's wrong with me. Am I serious about this new guy? Or izzit that he's interesting in a different way that I'm attracted to him? I feel very bad. I can feel history repeating itself. I know it's unfair to the ger, but I just can't help it. I dunno how to make the choice, it's just too tough a decision.

It's been a month or so since I last posted something here.  A lot of things have changed. People came into my life and left. Guess it's been quite an experience. But for such experience, once is more than enough. I'm seriously wondering if I had committed to the relationship out of impulse. Am I back to what I was in secondary school days? Oh dear! I'm not that young anymore. Maybe I'm regretting this a little. But well, I would never have proved myself right if I hadn't taken that step back then. Now, I can't be more sure that age does matters a lot in a relationship. *sigh* Wish I had been more convinced.