叶子的离去是风的追求还是树的不挽留？这句话对我而言可说是刻骨铭心。那时的我曾想过。我已尽全力去留住他，但他始终决定离开。这也就是所谓风的追求吧。现在回想起过去，觉得自己还真的很傻。但是，我从没后悔曾经所付出的一切。他说以我的个性来判断，我并不像是那种会眷恋一段过去的感情的女生。但我就是这样。记得在去年的演出里，我有一句台词：如果真相等于受伤害，我宁愿一辈子被隐瞒。这是我在现实生活中常挂在嘴边的话。当时，我真的恨他对我承认事情的真相，证实我的猜测是正确的。经过了这些日子，我终于明白时间真的能冲淡一切。现在的我想起他或是见了面，心已不会痛了。虽然还是不能以平常心来面对，但也没有那种感觉了。不可否认的是他在我生命中留下了一段美好的回忆。

你是否在猜测他是谁？或许这一切对你根本不重要。已经一个多月没见了。你是否也跟我有同样的想念？很抱歉。对你的态度非常差。我知道我的决定令你感到很失望。但我想不出更好的对策。如果唯有离开才能够让我们在一起，我会这么做。或许你会因我的选择而放弃这段感情。若是如此，我也只好认命。我知道这个时期对你很重要。你没有多余的时间去处理其他无关紧要的事。但有时候我真的不知道自己是否在空等，好没安全感。你能告诉我该怎么做吗？

since young, i've always been a very family girl. many of you out there are probably laughing your hearts out. believe it or not. but i am pretty attached to my parents. i have my fair share of rebellious stage, running away from home, doing things that broke my parents heart. but deep down, i do care for this family. *shrug* it always feel good to be home, especially when i'm down. well, i wouldn't deny that at times, i rather stay out. reason being i don't wanna make my parents worry for me. being the only child has made me to be what i am today. yes! i'm finally admitting this officially. i'm pampered, spoilt in one way or another. i never hafta worry about anything and most of the time i'll get what i want. started swimming lessons since the age of 5. stopped going for lessons at the age of 7 coz i couldn't perfect the butterfly stroke. i'm a perfectionist remember? my mum wanted to enrol me for art class, but i juz didn't have the interest and talent that artists ought to have and i'm spared from the course. wonder where i got the idea from and opted to go for music class instead. picked up organ at the age of 9 if i remember correctly. did pretty alright for practical but guess what? i flung my theory grade 2. well, that spelled the end of my passion for the instrument, using PSLE as an excuse. went against my mum's wishes and took up basketball as my cca in cedar. she's always wanted me to join badminton but i really can't do racket games till today! guess i'm pretty lucky. hafta thank my parents for giving me good genes. i never really did hafta worry about studies. everything went pretty smoothly for me till NTU. my parents never did put any pressure on me, from the choice of schools to courses, i was in full control. mum wanted me to go NYJC but i chose AJC coz i really hated NY's uniform. *laughs* wonder if i juz went with the flow and didn't realise a point. juz recently, mum told me that they never did expect me to wanna get a degree. they wouldn't mind if i settled for juz a diploma. i've always thought they wanted me to have the degree, to do them proud. i never knew i had the choice of going to poly. i know i broke their hearts when i chose to withdraw from the course, but that was probably the best way out rather than to stay on and waste the family's resources. things are getting better at home, relations wise. but sometimes i juz wonder why my parents are juz so different. it kinda stresses me out. had a mini birthday celebration for dad. something which we'll never miss every year.


a friend asked: "How have you been? always wished you are happier and better." honestly, i have no answer to his question. life's definitely better now that i'm outta school. don't hafta worry about assignments, projects, lab reports and examinations. *cheers* school aside, i'm missing hall life badly. was looking at some old pictures taken in hall. miss all the fun i had, especially my old neighbours. late night suppers and mahjong sessions, sitting on the ledge, be it looking silly doing mambo moves or juz simply chatting (aka gossiping), clubbing together, inter-hall games, freshmen orientation, dinner & dance, production. *sigh* work is pretty simple and routined. juz that i'm beginning to hate the politics that's beginning to surface. plus some of the lousy customers that i hafta face. received 2 complains in 3 days. i'm probably gonna get into trouble soon. maybe i'm not gonna get pass the probation period. *shrug* i like my job but sometimes i juz wonder if i'm suitable for it. i really prefer to be 'tai-tai'. any takers? at this juncture, some of you may ask: "thought you're attached?" it's stated in my friendster profile, 'it's complicated'! i myself have no idea. my status is too profound for me to decipher. have no wish to think about it anymore. i'm tired. tired of trying to solve a problem that's got no solution. to some others, you may say: "you're juz finding excuses for yourself to play the field." all i can say is let time tell. my heart is closed and only one person has the key to it. but whether or not it's gonna be unlocked, it's hard to say.