izzit the lack of sleep? my swollen eye? or pms? maybe it's a mixture of everything. i've been really easily irritated and it's kinda affected my work. attitude towards certain customers was bad, especially when they had no intentions of purchase. i know this shouldn't be the case, but i juz can't help it. adding on to my frustration is the fact that i can never knock off at 830. the crowd at parkway always choose to come in at this time. maybe it's true that customers have already arranged to come in juz as i was about to leave. seriously, i wouldn't mind staying back to help out if they're really shorthanded. what i don't understand is why handle so many customers on your own when there're other colleauges around? is that one or two more commission so important? in the end, you might juz end up with nothing at all. should have utilised my mc on monday. perhaps my eye wouldn't be in the state it's in right now. can hardly open my eye. decided to give up my weekend off again to rest at home. realised that it doesn't really pay to be good at times.

a regular customer walked in on monday to purchase a handset with a 1000 note. as it was the 1st deal of the day, we didn't have enough change for him. he left with the phone and said he'll come back for his change later. he came back on tuesday saying that he wanna exchange the phone he bought for a even higher end one claiming that the lady with him didn't like the design. it wasn't our policy to do exchange and he got a new handset without the exchange without a word of complain! i've been wondering which line he's in. *grins* was telling my colleagues that i wouldn't mind being his mistress and all of them had the same reaction. told me to stop dreaming. maybe he would mind? i wouldn't even stand a chance. can't you guys be more confident of me? *hmph* can't blame them though. guess the odds are against me with how i look with my swollen eye now. *pouts*

been more than a week since i met you. miss you lots. busy period again with lots of meetings. sorry but i'm beginning to lose faith. i'm starting to question if it's the truth you were speaking when you said you're attached though you claimed it to be a joke. it's not about trust but more of self-confidence. this was one of the reason why i chose to 'disappear' back then. i really wouldn't know what to do if that's the case now. perhaps i wouldn't even have the choice. wonder why but each time i fall in love with someone, the person juz seems to be less nice to me. others around juz seem to care more for me in comparison. probably it's me. higher expectations i suppose. don't blame you for being busy. i know how important the business is to you and i know the consequences. maybe it's juz not meant to be. *shrug* you know how i hate it when you say that i've got other choices? it hurts. but you juz keep doing it. wonder how can i let you know how i feel.

have you ever wished to go back to the past? i do. i often hope that i could turn back time. reason? probably to make up for all the regrets i have. *sigh* it's been 2 weeks. not that i didn't have the time nor was it due to tiredness. i juz didn't wanna make blogging a habit, especially when i'm feeling down. reading through my entries, it appears that majority of the posts reflect unhappiness. i'm a selfish person i realised. much as i'm a frank and straightforward person, i do find it hard at times to reveal how i really feel. i've always taken for granted that others would be able to read my mind. but that's not always the case. i'm back in my comfort zone i admit. i'm no longer the independant and determined person i used to be. many times, i would choose to take the easy way out. being the only child has made me grown used to doing things on my own. though i enjoy being in the company of good friends, i have no problems shopping in town alone, dining on my own or simply spend time by myself. wonder when did i start to crave for the company of someone else. it's scary. i have my doubts but i put in 100 percent trust. izzit worth it? *shrug* received a sms from quanrong on wednesday. wonder why but it's always the case that he's in some kind of trouble whenever he looks for me (it's a mutual thing i suppose). was looking at the past email exchange we had and the little notes he wrote for me. strange but i could still remember how it felt. 2 years plus and it seems juz like yesterday. don't get the wrong idea. i've long put down the relationship. what's between me and him is pure friendship. can't remember when was the last time before wednesday that i clubbed. decided to head down to mambo since i was on training for the week. "feels like i'm back home" is probably what best describes how i felt. miss those days when i could club with the group every week, dancing to our favourite music. the session made me felt better. a group of us then went spize for supper. it's been a long time since i hanged out with the group like this. thanks to roger for sending me back and to adrian who drove me to zouk. i'm really pampered. aren't i? at the end of it all, i've still not come to the point yet. i really wanna turn back time, to where it all started. wanna be at the beginning when we 1st met, year 1 NTU.

to be continued...

斷點
作詞：張敬軒　作曲：張敬軒

靜靜地陪你走了好遠好遠
連眼睛紅了都沒有發現
聽著你說你現在的改變
看著我依然最愛你的笑臉
連這條舊路依然沒有改變
以往的每次路過都是晴天
想起我們有過的從前
淚水就一點一點開始蔓延

我轉過我的臉　不讓你看見
深藏的暗湧已經越來越明顯
過完了今天　就不要再見面
我害怕每天醒來想你好幾遍

我吻過你的臉　你雙手曾在我的雙肩
感覺有那麼甜　我那麼依戀
每當我閉上眼　我總是可以看見
失信的諾言全部都會實現
我吻過你的臉　你已經不在我的身邊
我還是祝福你過得好一點
短開的感情線　我不要做斷點
只想在睡前　再聽見你的　蜜語甜言

我真的受傷了
作詞：王菀之　作曲：王菀之　編曲：江建民

窗外陰天了　音樂低聲了　我的心開始想你了
燈光也暗了　音樂低聲了　口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外陰天了　人是無聊了　我的心開始想你了
電話響起了　你要說話了　還以為你心裡對我又想念了
怎麼你聲音變得冷淡了　是你變了　是你變了
燈光熄滅了　音樂靜止了　滴下的眼淚已停不住了
天下起雨了　人是不快樂　我的心真的受傷了

祗想一生跟你走
曲：巫啟賢 / 陳佳明 詞：劉卓輝 編：Aubrey Suwito

共你有過最美的邂逅
共你有過一些風雨憂愁
共你醉過痛過的最後
但我發覺想你不能沒有

在你每次抱怨的眼眸
像我永遠不懂給你溫柔
別再訴說我倆早已分手
像你教我傷心依然未夠

但你沒帶走 夢裡的所有
讓你走 為何讓你看不透

但求你未淡忘 往日舊情
我願默然帶著淚流 很想一生跟你走
就算天邊海角 多少改變
一生只有 風中追究 不想孤單的逗留
但求你未淡忘 往日舊情
我願默然帶著淚流 很想一生跟你走
在我心中的你 思海的你 今生不可不能沒有

愛的路上只有我和你
詞/曲：阿弟

不知道什麼時候　開始喜歡這裡　每個夜裡都會來這裡看你
你長得這麼美麗　叫我不能不看你　看不到你　我就迷失了自己
有時候你很調皮　總是讓我著急　一顆心　總是為你跳不停
只要一閉上眼睛　總有千百萬個你　你的影子裝滿我的腦海裡
不能夠不想你　也不能夠忘記你　總是在夢裡一直看到你
多想對你說句　我是真的愛你　對我的心不要再懷疑
好想牽你的手　走過風風雨雨　有什麼困難我都陪著你
直到天長地久　直到天荒地老　愛的路上只有我和你

it's been a really lousy week and that's part of the reason why i haven't been blogging. izzit pms or izzit juz me? *shrug* guess work at nokia has driven me crazy. my life is juz too routined. honestly, i miss those clubbing and mahjong days. not having to worry about any other things. i know that's an irresponsible thought but i juz wish life would be more interesting. juz a passing thought. no worries. there're more things i hafta put into consideration apart from my own happiness. my dreams and all others around me. much more than i can imagine. i can't juz give up as i wish. had too much faith in myself. thought i would be able to face everything. but deep inside, i'm breaking down. hafta admit that i'm not as strong as people think and i'm not as independent as i seem to be. it hurts and that makes me feel like putting down everything and run away. would rather choose to be the woman behind the successful man than to be a successful woman. but i realised that the former may not be easier than the latter. *sigh* why is life so complex? sometimes i juz wish to settle for a simple life. probably that would make living less complicated. but can i?