It's been a while since I last posted. *sigh* I really dunno why he's ignoring me. Not replying to my icq msges nor my sms. I dun remember doing anything that would haf angered him. Well, maybe he's juz upset over other stuff. It's really bothering me tho. Gonna take my 2nd paper of the sem tmr, cant seem to concentrate on my notes. I really wonder wat's wrong. Hope he will gif me a reply soon. I noe he's not obliged to answer to me or anything, but I'm juz so affected. I'm trying my best to put everything out of my head except for my exams. Wish me luck!

Feeling superb morbid again, wonder if it's one of the effects of the exams. Really sick of the nv ending revision i hafta do and to add on to my misery, I haf a lab report due ltr. Wat can be worse?!? Suddenly, it juz struck me tt i haf very few frens in tis world. To be exact, frens whom i can tok to or share my innermost thoughts with. *indulges in self-pity* Maybe I shd be glad tt at least I haf those few who are always there for me when I need them. Thank you darlings(you noe who you are)! Eva since i stepped into NTU, I've been kinda lost. No long term goal nor do I noe wat I really want in life. It sux eh.. Things juz nv seem to go the right way for me. Sumtimes, I wish I can turn back time. I miss those days in Cedar: competing to finish our maths homework, drooling over cute guys at times square in taka b4 our physics extra lessons on sat afternoons, counselling sessions together with "si lak tong" n ms goh, Bball training with my wonderful teammates, Bball competition, dumping of guys and getting dumped.. woah.. the list will nv end. JC days are unforgettable too! Not the sch, a bit of the teachers, but mostly, my classmates and of coz! my dearest Bball team. A lot of regrets in life. How I wish I haf another chance to do all the things I could not do or did not do. Guess it's all too late...

*sigh* tik I'm falling sick already. Feeling lethargic and breaking out in cold sweat. What a bad timing! It's gonna be an unproductive nite. How I wish he's around now, kinda miss him. I really dunno if it's a good or bad thing tt the time i spend tiking of him is getting longer and longer. *shrug* it's the 7th of the month again and he actually rem tt it's supposed our one year and four months anni. *grins* well, things are not the same anymore tho much as i wan them to be.

yOu dOn't need a perfect reasOn tO break up with sumOne, yOu need Only One reasOn

If yOu ever lie tO me, lie tO me fOreva, dOn't ever let me find Out the truth.

Juz had a long conversation with my ex bf. There're lots of issues on my mind now, finding it hard to put all of them down into words. I nv did imagine myself discussing with him abt his relationship with his current gf, till tonite. After he told me tt I actually noe who his gf is, I pestered him to tell me her identity which he nv did coz he promised her not to. I admit tt I do feel kinda upset hearing him speak abt her. Why? From the way he speaks and describes abt wat he does for her and feels abt her, I noe he does love her alot. I dunno if wat I'm doing is rite, but I'm juz doing wat I wanna do, be there for him when he needs me. To be there listening to his innermost thoughts, to share his burden, tt's enough for me, at least for now. I feel happy to spend the small amount of time with him, doing little things for him. I guess tt's how u feel when u really love sumone. He'll always haf a special place in my heart which no one can replace and no one can eva break the strong bond tt we both share. I really hope to be back together with him, but I noe, it's not the rite time yet. The day when I'm confident tt we are able to not quarrel all the time will be the day when I can call him Dear Dear again...

It's been a long time, a long time since I wish i could say all these to sumone. Never did haf the courage to do so. I'm tired, tired of pretending to be happy, tired of telling myself to go on, making myself believe that I'll survive. I realised the meaning of "you'll nv learn to treasure sumone/sumthing till you lose it". When things are over, they'll always remain as memories.