Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium.In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high.You've loved, lost, and loved again.You have had a wide range of love experiences.And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium.You tend to be the one with more power.You aren't a total control freak in relationships..But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is low.You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low.This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships..It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have low agreeableness.Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism.It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is low.You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable.You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea.While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

came across the quiz from susan's blog. seems interesting. though i know such quizzes aren't 100% reliable, i still can't help but believe there's certain truth in them. been a few days since i blogged. nothing special nor exciting. life's been pretty monotonous. work, work and more work. my legs and back are aching from the long hours of standing. though it's nice to know that customers are happy with my recommendation and service, it's still not enough to make up for my tiredness. to make things worse, i feel that i'm pretty unappreciated. hafta agree that all that i'm doing is part of my job scope but it seems like people are taking it all for granted. *sulks* weekend was real crazy, especially saturday. the crowd in store seems never ending. but well, at least sales was good. argh! i wanna stop thinking about work. stresses me out totally. missing someone real badly. not only now but for the past few days. does he know? *shrug* wonder when he's not gonna be busy. not in the near future i believe. juz wanna shelf all my insecurities aside. it's not easy. been having frequent sleepless nights though i'm physically tired. my mind juz can't stop thinking. gonna try migrate to dreamland now. can't afford to fall sick. good night!

*tired* but wanna leave a post here in case you checked out the blog after work and wanna read something. didn't wanna disappoint you. felt kinda happy but i know it's only the beginning. got lots more work to do. motivated but yet am stressed yet again coz i really wanna see results. thanks for all the help and encouragement. most importantly, for not giving up on me all these while. juz a little secret (not anymore after i declare *bleah*) that i wanna share. was so reluctant to let go of your hand juz now (if you remember when). juz so tempted to keep holding on. *sigh* the very reason why i hesitated when you held out your hand. i knew i would melt. this is juz too scary coz i know i'm so gonna get hurt if anything goes wrong. is this juz an illusion? *shrug* to all those in mambo. sorry that i haven't been going but i've got important stuff to do. till i've got more time ya. promise i'll be there. it's another working day tomorrow. how upsetting. every single day at work, i juz pray for time to pass faster not that i hate my job. but juz for the very fact that i can see him after work. i'm juz so silly aren't i? guess my reason's becoming stronger. is that good or bad? i've absolutely no idea.

feeling excited that it's wednesday. reason? it's definitely not mambo that's making me feel this way. my 1st off day after i started full time with nokia. spent a week at parkway and seriously, i'm beginning to regret a little. the feeling is juz so different though my job scope is almost the same. i like my job but somehow, i'm juz not enjoying as much as when i did road shows and events. like i mentioned, there's no turning back. i can only make the best out of the situation. whatever it is, i'll give my best shot at whatever i do. i only wanna be the best and nothing less. the only comfort now is that i'm getting more comfy with my colleagues and i guess it'll be better in time to come. thanks gracie for taking the effort to visit me at my workplace on saturday. seeing you made me feel better though it's juz a short meeting. missed mambo for 2 consecutive weeks. wonder if anyone's missing me. *grins* honestly, i had my share of fun and attention at zouk, guess those memories are enough. nevertheless, i'm glad to have friends like jayce, sebastian, daniel, joanne, huiqing, mitchelle and the list goes on... for now, nothing else is more important than achieving my goals. nothing else except him maybe. *shrug* correct me if i'm wrong but i believe certain events tonight may have made you feel insecure. but trust me, no one else have the ability to close me except you. when i set my mind on something, i'll not give up till the end. geminis are fickle minded but they're stubborn too. for this matter, i know i'll hang on coz i know what i really want.

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it's not that i have nothing to say but i guess actions speak louder than words. *smiles* thanks for everything. i love you. *muacks*

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heeded someone's advice to stay home and rest. work is really tiring me out. no doubt this is much easier than shaw's road show in december, i'm still drained by the 8 hours of non-stop smiling everyday. it gets real tiring when i hafta put on that false front even when i'm dead tired or unhappy. guess that's the reason why people may think i'm feeling down. juz feel like taking off the mask once i knock off. perhaps i'm juz tired, very tired in fact. more of mentally drained than physically exhausted. i'm sorry if i sounded hostile last night. but i needed to voice out how i feel before i go crazy. seriously, i do see your point and all. however, you can't deny the truth in my statements. i understand that you've not only got your own future to handle, but a lot more others are in your care as well. certain things have more priority over others and i can't help but wonder where i stand. time is not a good excuse. like i said if you can't spare the time now, it's gonna be even more difficult to have the time in future. you asked me to put my trust in you and i did. somehow my confidence has been badly shaken. many of you out there muz be thinking i'm juz wasting my time yet again. but i decided to take the risk. i'm scared. but this is the best way out at this moment. i have no other choice but to believe him.

Valentines' Day
wonder how i should start. turned down all dates this year for ME. my family dinner came in as a good excuse to push away all invitations and a good answer to all the queries. i finally felt the burden on me. it all happened too fast. till now, i'm still wondering what's the next step i should take. should i press on to confirm my doubts or should i juz let nature takes its course? fear of the results. really dunno if i can handle everything if something should go wrong. i'm truly worried. guess you're the only one who probably knows what's going on. *sigh* juz praying hard for the best. today also marked the beginning of my career with nokia. as i was telling my bosses, sold myself to nokia and there's no turning back. pretty excited and yet worried. it's gonna be tiring. real tiring. wonder if i'm gonna be able to cope both mentally and physically. but i know ME and my family would keep me motivated. despite being stressed by the shocking news, i went on with my plan 'B'. what does 'B' stands for? uhm... think hard. you should be able to guess. bet you're laughing at me yet again while reading this. well, my 1st attempt at it solely for you. *bleah* should be honoured. a pity plan 'B' was only half executed. *pouts* dinner was ok. not only coz the someone didn't turn up but also due to the fact that someone really close didn't make it as well. guess i don't really fancy steamboat in the 1st place. went party world with a group of friends much later in the evening and i enjoyed myself. been a long time since i sang and the company was great. session ended at 3 and we headed to este. my 2nd visit and i found it to be quite a nice place though not many people would appreciate. went home at 6 and hafta start work at 1230. how interesting!

1st Day of Work
still remember the 1st day as a part time promoter for nokia. was at wisma's nokia shop. felt pretty lost but i know since then that i'm so gonna love this job or rather the nature of it. today, i felt like i'm back to square one. my job scope is pretty much the same and i can't help but feel upset when i commit silly mistakes. guess switching to full time means more responsibility and higher expectations. yes! i'm stressing myself yet again. tomorrow will be a better day i hope.

Lost in Emotions
been bugged by something which i happened to chance upon a few days ago. sadness, disappointment or izzit jealousy that i'm feeling? somehow, i juz feel insecure. it doesn't make the situation better when nothing is done about it even though i mentioned. know i'm juz being silly and childish. but that's truly how i feel. you said you are afraid of being closed and i know the reason why. trying to convince you bit by bit but it doesn't seem to be helping. *sigh* can someone please tell me how to build trust?

stayed home the whole of today. thoughts are in a mess. it's juz me. hate things to be in a mess and when that happens i'll either sort them out or run away from it totally. most of the time, i'll choose the latter. but not this time. i tried to see my problem. but the more i analyse, the more confusing it becomes. my fears are slowly devouring me as they start to increase exponentially. i've found reasons to keep me going. but the very reason that's moving me on is the worst fear i'm facing. with my current situation, this is the best way out for me. however, like i've mentioned, my confidence level is at a life-time low. i'm lost. have no idea where i can be found. and i know for a fact that if i don't regain my composure, i'll never succeed. as i was saying, i'm facing the worst fear i ever had. i know i've been closed. not that i've got no confidence of others. but more of myself. juz so afraid that at the end of it all, you'll find that i'm not the one. also, all the family problems you are facing are gonna place a bigger obstacle. i know what i want ---> the best for my parents (shan't go into details), FF line and most important of all, the two-letter word. you've done what you can to reassure me and i know for a fact that the biggest enemy i'm facing now is myself. i don't want to give up but i really dunno how long i can hold out.

juz got home from a mahjong session at adrian's house. guess it's really not my year. been losing money at all gambling attempts. wonder if the saying "qing chang de yi du chang shi yi" is true. can't i be greedy and have the best of both worlds? besides, my love life isn't that smooth either. *bleah* nevertheless, it was an enjoyable night. credits to xuanru. *grins* special thanks for the "ba wan" u hit to me during the last round. know you can't wait to get home to be on the phone with your wife. in a pretty confused state right now. been like this since last night in fact. kept asking myself what exactly do i want to achieve in life? my dreams were pretty materialistic prior to last night and i suppose i need to do some readjustment. *sigh* till now, i've still got no answer to my question. valentines' day is juz 3 days away. plans? yes i do. family dinner. no one believes but it's true. reserved a table for 10. wanted to ask that someone if he's interested to join me but i haven't got a chance to and recent events make it seems like i'm gonna get turned down. really sick of facing rejections. and i don't want to face another, especially a rejection like this. it's so gonna kill me. got reprimanded for foretelling the chances but i'm pretty sure of my intuition. *shrug* what should i do? many other questions which i wanna ask but when will i have the chance to?

surprised that i'm actually blogging at this hour on a wednesday night? so am i. *grins* this is the 1st mambo i'm missing for the past year or so. amazed? so am i. 1stly, i've got an interview at nokia headquarters at 10am tomorrow. don't wanna screw it up. 2ndly, it was a happy night out with gracie, shirleen and hazel. guess i wanna keep it that way. 3rdly, the past 2 mambos were pretty bad. don't wanna add another bad experience. there's a fourth reason to this which i'm not gonna disclose it here. *smiles* it's been a close to beautiful night. dinner at tonkichi (japanese restuarant in takashimaya) followed by drinks at Meze Bar (mandarin hotel). found another great place to chill out. good quality drinks with nice ambience. not forgetting hazel's got 50% off despite the fact that prices are considered reasonable. a pity that it closes pretty early though. a good alternative to new asia bar. been a while since i hanged out with the girls. it's only with them that i feel most at ease. *laughs* and i'm truly convinced that singapore is really small. topics revolved around relationships, work and common friends. cant deny the fact that we've really grown up. environment changes, people change but our friendship doesn't. really glad that things are back to what they were, at least close to what they were. if you'd noticed, i mentioned that tonight was close to beautiful. why so? *shrug* someone would be able to make it perfect. and you know who you are.

much as i don't feel like blogging, i'm still here right now. like my msn nick, i feel like i've gone back to the past. which past you would ask. *shrug* it's pains to see your love one being troubled but it hurts more when he doesn't share his unhappiness. you said you don't wanna affect me. but have it ever come across to you that i'm already affected seeing you so down yet i have no idea why. you asked if i had anything to say. i do. in fact, there're lots of questions i wanna ask. but i know it's only gonna add to your burden so i chose to keep quiet. sorry if i made you stressed. guess i wasn't feeling too good either. reason? i dunno. been feeling down since saturday night. missing you. *sigh* wonder if i should let you know i've blogged. should i?

sorry that i didn't blog last night. it's kinda upsetting that i could only talk to my blog most of the time. but it really warms my heart to know that you actually spare the time to read it everyday. if this is the only means of communication, i wouldn't mind putting every single thought i have up here. career is your priority, so is mine. but i guess it's in me that i'm more emotional. i understand what you are going through and i don't wanna be a hindrance to your promotion. juz wish i can share your problems. i may not be able to lighten your load, but i'll be there to give you the support. feel that i'm being kept out of your life. it hurts me to see you troubled but yet i have no clue to what's on your mind. i'm willing to wait but at least let me know i'm not waiting in vain. don't wanna be a passer-by in your life. i'm really scared. scared of losing you. if you're back for revenge, you've succeeded. not that i don't trust you. juz that i'm not confident of myself. i may be confident in other aspects, but when it comes to this, i have to admit that i'm vulnerable. but i've already taken the 1st step and i wouldn't want to give up. will you perservere on?

the road ahead isn't gonna be easy. many challenges and obstacles awaits us. i understand the fears you have. trust me, i'm scared too. it seems that time is going against us. never ending work to be done. i'm beginning to feel the stress, especially after i go full time with nokia. but like i told you, my working hours at nokia is pretty fixed, it's not gonna be too difficult to make time for other things. you said you wanna find someone who can go through the next 4 years with you. guess you have found her. it's juz a matter of whether you wanna give it a shot. "Failed relationships do not increase the number of monks and nuns in the world." i've found the reason to stay. have you? maybe you were a passer-by, but not anymore. i dunno how to reassure you, but time will tell. i wouldn't want to put our dreams and careers at stake if i'm not sure. wonder when you gonna have time and be able to read this. *shrug* another busy weekend i believe. have fun ya. gonna miss you.

*sulks* the reason why i'm blogging at this hour? very simple. someone juz told me that my update came too late. *pouts* what's the meaning of too late? i always believe that it's better to be late than never. what matters is the sincerity ya? anyway, i'm pretty bored right now. guess it's the 1st night since new year's eve that i'm home so early. feels good to be home at times. *sigh* will be better if i have someone's company. guess he's too busy to have time for me though. i believe his workload is gonna be heavier the next 2 days. wouldn't be hearing much from him i suppose. it's mambo night again later. sometimes i juz wonder what can make me stop going to zouk on wednesdays. like what i've been telling everyone, it's more of a meet-up-old-friends kind of thing for me. hafta say that alot has changed during the past year. people come and go. miss my good old mambo chummies. wonder when we can have a close to full gathering at zouk. *grins* that nosey susan juz asked me who's the someone i'm referring to. well, i'm gonna keep it a secret (for me to know and for no one to find out *laughs*) no point in revealing who he is now. guess he doesn't want to be name either. right?