2009年12月20日 没有王仕捷的第三十九天

从台湾回来之后，心总觉得有点不踏实。
虽然再过两天就是我所期待已久的香港之旅，但我开始有点迟疑。
担心我们之间有所改变，担心我们不能像从前一样。
或许是我多疑，但我真的无法平服我的心情。

2009年12月8日 没有王仕捷的第二十七天

people change, and so do relationships. i juz wish ours wouldn't.

2009年12月7日 没有王仕捷的第二十六天

好想知道他的近况。
好想拨通电话，听听他的声音。
好想能马上飞到他的身边。
好想知道他是否也有想念我。

mum and dad came home with them on saturday. the red one is called 红龟果 and the yellow one is called 金钱龟. i chose to keep 金钱龟 as it matches my wall colour. they brighten up the dark room with moon and stars in the night, really lovely. it's a pity i couldn't get an image of it to upload.

2009年12月2日 没有王仕捷的第二十一天

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还想你
我很不服气也开始怀疑
眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气
暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

2009年11月28日 没有王仕捷的第十七天

The Girls

The Thorn

it's been a while since we had a gathering and i finally met up with my JC team-mates cum gossip-mates. janice, PP plus hubby and i mahjong-ed one and three quarter rounds at the couple's house before heading to timbre as planned. did not finish the game as we were running late for our reservation. tho it's a pity that many could not join us, we had our utmost fun throughout the day and night. as usual, janice and boon tong are forever squabbling for no reason and provided much entertainment for the rest. delicious pizza and yummy tapas plus good company, what more can i ask for? the night ended with supper at geylang G7. *beams*

在过去的一年里，你似乎已成为我生命的一部分。
没了你的陪伴，生活仿佛缺少了些什么。
就算只是经过我们常去的地方，你就会出现在我脑海。
或许我已戒不掉你这个习惯。。。

p.s. wednesday's mambo was fantastic!

2009年11月23日 没有王仕捷的第十二天

was watching mediacorp drama serial on channel 8. coincidentally, one of the guys in the show is named jay. decided to drop him a text on his prepaid number. really hope i've not been a bother the past week. though he doesn't reply most of the time, i juz want him to know that i'm here thinking of him.

2009年11月19日 没有王仕捷的第八天

using competitors' products

for once, i have to agree with the management. it isn't right to use competitors' products during working hours. however, below are debatable points regarding this issue.

1. if the company doesn't carry a certain product, it would be fine to use competitors'?
2. promoters are not issued with the latest products to use as demo devices, carrying outdated handsets doesn't serve much purpose, does it? if promoters have to buy their own handsets for personal use, i don't see why they can't get competitors'.
3. it would be good to hands-on rather than just going through training after training (ie. brainwashing) how good our own products are as compared to competitors'. it is easier to convince consumers that our products are more superior if you had used competitors' and made a comparison. using competitors' products doesn't deminish our confidence we have for our own! if i sell fish soup and i try out other stalls, it doesn't mean that i think my fish soup is not good, it simply means i want to try how others' fish soup taste.

dedicated to my SCs...

无论再多的节目，无论再忙，我还是无法不想他。
时间仿佛慢了下来， 使我终于明白度日如年的感觉。

2009年11月15日 没有王仕捷的第四天

心情好比天气一样，是阴霾的。
很努力把每天的时间表排得满满的，一心不让自己有多余的时间胡思乱想。
时间一天一天地过，我对他的想念一天一天地加深。

2009年11月12日 没有王仕捷的第一天

我最不期待的今天终于到了。
他，在一个小时前乘搭飞机离开了。

内心挣扎了好久。
但因为害怕，我始终没到机场去。
害怕会不经意地落泪，更害怕会碰到不想知道的真相。

虽然朋友都说，六个星期的时间一眨眼就会过去，我还是无法说服自己。
真希望时间能够快一些， 真希望因分开的想念能够少一些。

Yager Bomb

last night's music was superb! tony and byden spinned many of the regulars' favourites which haven't been heard for a long time. it's probably one of the mambos which the percentage of time spent on the dance floor compared to at wine bar is the highest. *grins* despite the fact that i totally enjoyed dancing to the songs and had fun through the night, i was pretty upset as it was his farewell.

him: so i'll see you in hong kong.
me: *pushes away from his hug in shock* don't want!
him: you don't wanna go anymore?
me: that's like so far away. i'm gonna miss you.
him: it's only a month.

how is 22nd december a month away from now?! *speechless*

What is the real purpose of a team building trip? I'm under the impression that it is to foster stronger bonds through activities.
1. I do not think that wasting time travelling by coach would in any way achieve the goal. Not as if people are gonna communicate much during the journey. Not as if there're gonna be any interactive games (only games people play would be on their psp, ds lite or iTouch) carried out on the coach. Majority would be engaged in the activity callled sleeping. Why can't we be more time efficient and travel by flight? Time = money isn't it?
2. After travelling for 6 hours (ONE way), the activities we gonna do can be carried out on siloso beach, or even east coast park at that. How not interesting? If the so-called team building activities are bound to the location, it gives one less reason for this argument.
3. This is personal. I don't want to go KL! There's nothing worth to shop, no scenic views! What's left is only a lousy, run-down and under-maintained theme park! What's the catch?

the clock is ticking and my heart is sinking. the day is approaching too soon. never thought it would be this fast. too many farewell lunches and dinners to have time for me. guess i've been too busy to have taken notice of the time that was slipping through. i'm not sure of the road ahead. the future is uncertain, at least mine is. this process is juz too painful, too much for me to bear.

Happy Birthday Shirleen dear!
juz wanna let you know that you're badly missed. have a great time wherever you are! glad you managed to solve the issue. enjoy!

Like a Prayer

I should be so Lucky

Teaching Segment

Co-instructor, Jay

The Mambo Regulars

it was a wonderful performance on wednesday. thanks to all who came down to support. i truly enjoyed the whole show despite being physically and mentally drained. the response we got from everyone made up for it. all the time and effort put in over the past 5 months have paid off. based on esplanade's count, there were over 1000 in the audience with 800 engaged. i'm really proud of the whole team. been a great experience working with all of you. the show would not have been possible (not to mention a success *beams*) if not for each and every of your commitment. for the benefit of those who missed the performance, here is the link to our finale item. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtxNEpGLfBc

this is what i've been burning my weekends for over the past 4 months. *beams* i'm glad everything is falling in place as planned and the show will be up and running on the 28 October at the Esplanade Forecourt.

it's been a great experience for me. from forming the team, getting everyone together, fitting into each others' schedule, choosing the performance songs, standardising and even coming up with our very own creation for the moves, choreographing our own mixes and to the costumes selection. each and every single one of us had contributed to the above to have made this show possible. nothing comes easy. we went through bad times but i'm sure all of us learnt something from them.

apologies for my multiple tantrums (most of the time, if not all) and thank you for putting up with it. i believe the team has built a bond amongst us unknowingly and we have definitely grown closer together. all the fun, laughter and sweat we had at smu (sometimes nus and once sph) will always be remembered.

thank you chock for mixing our sets. thank you ben who is always sourcing for our practice venue in smu. thank you kes for always being there to give us your advice and support. thank you everyone for taking time off from your busy schedule to make it for training. it's the final lap, 10 days to actual performance and 3 more practice sessions. you have made it possible and you will make it a success!

there is always two sides to a coin. we cannot change how others think, we can only prove them wrong.

facebook is a gauge of work efficiency. the more time you have for it, the more efficient you are. seriously, i do not see any issues with logging on to facebook during working hours. condition is, deadline met. so long as work is done on time, why can't people facebook in office? honestly, who is more appreciated? staff who can't even complete simple tasks and act busy in office or staff who are competent but on facebook all the time? if people can be surfing non-work related websites in office, why is facebook the exception? it's a pointless debate.

it's exactly a year since you left. you're still deeply missed.

<我恨我爱你>

面带微笑离开你怀里
我听天由命
最后一张王牌在手里
二选一的机率
不能放纵爱你
就放过自己

爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而以
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可怜兮兮

都怪我太不争气
我恨我爱你
oh... 我爱你
只是因为你是你
oh... 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的...

新恋情

birthday pressie for my beloved =)

25 September 2009

it was an excuse for me to take a day off from boring work. the pressie was completed juz before noon and i headed to plaza singapura to run some errands before picking him up from his office. drove down to shaw centre for the massage session that i had booked at the ultimate. the reception area was nicely done up and the service was good. however, i must add that the rooms and the skills of the masseurs are not as fantastic. as he needed to settle urgent matters back in office, i went home to take a short rest before meeting him again at clarke quay for dinner. as expected, he arrived an hour late and i'm surprised by myself that i wasn't the least bit irritated. i really like the place not only for the ambience but also the food. it must have been the best steak i've ever had. the beef was juicy and done to my liking. the steakhouse by esmirada is highly recommended.

Obsessive-compulsive Disorder

Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce anxiety, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety, or by combinations of such thoughts and behaviors. The symptoms of this anxiety disorder range from repetitive hand-washing and extensive hoarding to preoccupation with sexual, religious, or aggressive impulses. These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional and economic loss. Although the acts of those who have OCD may appear paranoid and come across to others as psychotic, OCD sufferers often recognize their thoughts and subsequent actions as irrational, and they may become further distressed by this realization.

OCD is the fourth most common mental disorder and is diagnosed nearly as often as asthma and diabetes mellitus. The phrase "obsessive-compulsive" has become part of the English lexicon, and is often used in an informal or caricatured manner to describe someone who is meticulous, perfectionistic, absorbed in a cause, or otherwise fixated on something or someone. Although these signs are often present in OCD, a person who exhibits them does not necessarily have OCD, and may instead have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), an autism spectrum disorder or some other condition.

judging from the above description and image, i seriously do not think i have OCD. Neat freak is a more suitable term. *bleah* honestly, this is pretty messy by my standards. i've recently refurbished my room and got a three-door wardrobe, still a little far from my dream walk-in but i'm happy. *smiles*

ice skating escapade in April 2009

this girl plays a prominent role in my life. she's always so full of surprises and ideas that i can never keep up with. glad that she's enjoying her trip with her muffin.


my dear dear who's always there for me. i always believe that things never worked out between us coz i know him too well for his own good. *bleah*

are insecurities and low-confidence co-related? they probably are. i hate to admit this but i'm so tempted to pick up the phone to drop him a text. no reason to do so, but need there be a reason to do so? *sigh* emo monster is creeping up on me once again. missing him...

definition of a girl's boy

honestly, there is no fixed definition of a girl's boy. i suppose it varies from girl to girl what each of them want and what would satisfy them. besides, most girls are fickle minded and hence their demands probably change from time to time. i'm beginning to sound like the other species here. but hey, at times, i do feel that there's certain truth to the former (juz like how i would agree that majority of the female drivers are road hazards, including myself *bleah*).

over the past week, there was not juz once, but a few times when people around me comment that i would make a very nice guy or statements along the same line. it makes me wonder if i really do have the characteristics of a good boyfriend. seriously, being a lesbian once, it did occur to me if i could really sway to the other side. i love doing things for the one i like, doing things which others deem to be out of the way or sweet. to me, it's juz my way of showing care and concern. *shrug* i guess i'll never want to be the boyfriend as there're times when i need to be pampered, need to be showered with TLC (tender loving care). i'm better off being the girlfriend who's like the boyfriend. =)

The Team of Three - 大姐, me and Best Friend

those were the happy days. things are juz not gonna be the same, never will be. changes for the past 3 months have exceeded the changes for the past 3 years and this is not the end (note that the numbers are not exaggerated). however, the situation may not be as bad as it seems, especially for those who left. i'm so missing having 大姐around to give me advice and to 挡风遮雨. i'm so gonna miss best friend who's always so supportive of me and always there to lend me a listening ear to bitch. reporting to office will become a real dread after next week. *sigh*

shouldn't i be sleeping?

can't hold back my temper any longer. prejudiced or not? i don't care. i simply don't like the way how one can back up for another for no good or apparent reason. evil and selfish? yes, that's me! i'm sure i can do much better than her but you juz want to help her keep her job. you said she cannot commit 100% because of her other job scope. since she can't cope, i offered to take over. it would ease communication, reduce lag time and minimize loss in information. why should i bother myself with this in the 1st place? i'm not getting a pay rise nor promotion for doing additional work. i juz simply don't understand what is so difficult about clicking the 'forward' button of outlook. it's not as simple as it seems and i agree! but that's what she has been doing! i know i was at fault for raising my voice at you and i'm sorry for being rude. please do reflect if you had been over-protective of her as well. if i'm the only one feeling this way, it might be my problem. but if 10 others feel the same way, i believe the process needs to be reviewed. it's time for me to move on. counting down...

steamboat at bugis with serena, joshua, agnes, john and dear princess nina. seems to be our favourite meeting place for dinner. *grins* really miss the times working together. i wonder why working with them is so much happier and easier? i guess there're no conflict of interest and that's why. i suppose we had build up a strong bond over the years that is hard to break.

atmosphere at home is still a little tense. mum seems to have gotten better but i've yet to figure out the truth behind her weird behaviour. i'm on the verge of giving up and i'm escaping from it. staying out later than usual everyday so that i do not have to face her without dad and minimise contact is my strategy. her long note had a huge impact on me. i know i have to stay strong but i don't know how much longer i can hold out.

there're juz too much things on my mind which i wanna throw out. i only want to fill my mind with happy memories. i realise i'm becoming more dependant on him and that's not a good sign. i'm missing him more and more. couldn't believe i would do this much for him. i do not expect anything in return. think i'm falling, falling deep...

iPhone Craze

i know i'm slow but i received my 3GS yesterday! it's been a long wait. can't decide what to do with it now that i've laid my hands on one. excited as i can be, i've yet to take it out of the package. i'm not in need of a phone considering the numerous handsets i carry with me. it's the IN thing which everyone has, so i must own it as well (even if it's just for a day *laughs*). must have been an overdose of reading bimbotic blogs that caused this silliness. much as i wanna keep it, it's hard to resist the temptations of making a profit of more than 100%. i'm loving my iPhone 3GS!

Shirleen

took leave yesterday for shirleen's 'farewell'. she's flying off early next friday morning with kee for their 4 months backpacking trip. i'm so gonna miss her. went cycling at east coast park in the late morning. it was a great 2 hours ride though we got caught in drizzle twice. headed down to de coder's cafe at balmoral plaza for another 3 hours of board games session. we were introduced to 2 new games and i was the all-time loser! grr.. it was all in the name of fun! as expected, hazel and grace couldn't join us for dinner last minute and hence we went ahead with our wine and cheese plan after our light dinner packed from gardens market. chilled out at shirleen's till late with jay and jerald joining us past midnight.

他回来了，但我却还是那么苦恼。心情总有些忐忑不安，似乎就快面临崩溃。夜深人静时，总是不经意地想起他。这一切即将结束。或许那时不应该放纵，让自己深深地爱上他，又一次一次地舍不得放手。我真的很想他。

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味
你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

曾经我以为我自己会后悔
不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪
为你做任何改变
也唤不回你对我的坚决

It was my mistake to have not made it clear. Like i said, i was amused by your inability to read between lines. My foul mood was triggered by things far more important than this. Do not overestimate yourself. It does not matter what you think of me as your opinion is worthless to me. I'm confident of myself and of what i am and how i look. Oh.. By the way, i don't need to forgo louis vuitton even if i have to go for plastic surgery. You probably can't afford and that's why you need to give up the bags. I admit i did like ziwei at some point or should i put it as blindly in love? In any case, i'm more upset about losing a friend than not gaining his interest in me.

BITCH! Yes, you! Can you visualise my index finger pointing at you? Oh, or do i need to enlighten you on which finger is called the index? The post you blogged yesterday brightened up my morning. Was pretty amused by your ignorance in missing out the sarcasm between my lines. By the way, please do quote my full sentence in future as it's rude to misquote others. For your information, the last point of THE sentence is the most important. Did not want to kick up a big fuss on this. Blame it on the lack of your lucky stars that i'm in the foulest mood ever. Honestly, i know you can't get over the fact that your hubby was once in a way or another related to me. In addition, you can't change the fact that he's your hubby and my options for the better or best are still open. Tsk tsk.. Stop being a prick and a sour grape, it's not gonna get you anywhere. Get up and move on! The only reason why i'm at times upset at your hubby is coz i don't understand how he could have become 5 years younger and stopped talking to me altogether like how a kid always says 'don't friend you anymore'. Ridiculous! In any case, you should be honoured that i've dedicated one whole paragraph for you. This is probably too overwhelming for your pathetic ego.

to be continued...

the past week's been full of guessing and gossiping, guessing what the rest of the world have up their sleeves and gossiping about the changes. It's not gonna be easy to adapt, especially for those who've been around since the beginning. Too much speculations and competition. People are starting to behave weirdly, beyond normality. I suppose it's time to build up defence. Things and words are what you perceived of them. It will be good to take things positively.

Sometimes, i juz wonder what wrong i did, to make her hate me. It doesn't bother me that much, but it juz pisses me off when she comes round stepping on my toes. If being taller, prettier and higher paid, owning more louis vuitton or getting to work early on thursdays even though i club on wednesday nights irks her, i'm really speechless.

He's been away since wednesday. I'm juz so missing him, miss spending time with him, miss his hugs and miss him being around.

he's gonna be back later this evening. not sure when exactly he'll be touching down, but i'm happy. kept my whole week occupied in order for me to not miss him. did not work out that well though. bet this will be much more difficult when november comes. *sigh* if only he missed me the same.