can't let go of the past? maybe. was reading through past entries of someone's blog. *laughs* i've got loads of things to complete at work but i juz can't be bothered. it's a thursday! whoever works on a thursday?! *grins* back to the blog that i was reading. realised at some point of time, i seemed to be the most frequently mentioned person. yes, it doesn't mean anything but i juz can't believe how 2 supposedly good friends can end up not talking at all, especially at this age. i do treasure the friendship and in fact, i was pretty upset at how things turned out. i guess there can never be 100% platonic friendship between a guy and a ger. honestly, there must be some level of interests or attractions somehow. at this point, i juz feel i've lost a good friend.

juz can't believe how i time and again land myself in such situations. i always doubt his words but yet it seems convincing at times. there's definitely the trust issue between us which i believe can never be resolved. he says its juz him and i say i juz dun mean enough to him. i wanted to stop talking to him and stop seeing him at all in order to get out of this shit. yes, it is a childish decision and it's almost impossible to do so. i do treasure him and our friendship much more after the "fateful" incident. he means more to me than i thought. i definitely do not wish for history to repeat. at least, i want us to be able to sit down for coffee 5 or 10 years down the road just like any other friends. i wish...

i've got so much to blog but no time for it. life has pretty much got back onto the right track (if there's even a right one in the 1st place). i'm still confused as usual but it's getting more complicated, more things to be confused about. been bogged down by work for the past month. knocking off much later than usual. *sigh* i suppose if i've got a better and valid reason for me to slog so hard, i would feel more balanced. wonder if its the stress at work that's causing me to be more cranky than usual. many apologies to those who hafta put up with my nonsense, especially the one who called me sweetheart. *bleah* really think i'm juz being stubborn and hard on myself. always wanting things that i can never have or can never be mine. it's always been the case. wish i can be less demanding and it could have been much better. i juz wish things would not turn out to be like before. dun understand why some people juz do not grow up. it's been so many years, time to let go of the past? guess it's easy for me to say and if i were in her shoes, i would probably react in the same way. so gonna miss shirleen dear. she'll be heading to hong kong for work tomorrow morning. no more wine bar on wednesdays, no more chilling out at dempsey, no more crazy clubbing, no more bitching sessions. oh no.. i'm getting emo emo already. the good thing is, i'll be in hong kong with her in one month's time! spending white white christmas together in hong kong. will definitely be fun. sorry gracie for not being able to spend more time with you during your confinement. but i promise to be back with cutie stuff for godson matt and to make it up when i'm back. can't wait for december to arrive...