my blink blink has yet to be found. *pouts* i've not gone back to hall since last friday. there weren't any other reasons for me to make a trip back except to find my ring. don't want to do so as the disappointment would have been greater if i can't find it. now, i'm juz hoping that i will recover my precious blink blink the next time i'm back in hall. *sigh* the last few days has been quite monotonous. no mahjong on friday makes catherine a dull girl. *laughs* adrian has flown to america for holiday. jeffery and jj seem to be busy with their business project. susan has to rest at home after the accident on wednesday. guess the next mahjong session with them is probably gonna be when adrian returns. went double o on saturday and met the usual group of people. both the music and the crowd was normal though many of the favourites were spinned. was a pretty peaceful night. probably too peaceful that things hafta turn out a little bad nearing the end. received a message from him (my clubbing buddy) after i got home. *shrug* till now, i've yet to figure out what exactly is he trying to imply. nevertheless, i appreciate the effort that he's put in to mend the broken friendship and i suppose this episode has come to an end(finally). glad that we're still friends but i'll leave it to fate to decide whether or not we can be as good as before. wednesday is here again. hoping for tonight's mambo to be as good as (if not better than) last week. apparently, there's a jcrc 'bonding session' at zouk after our formal meeting in town. *laughs* it's one of the oldest trick to get people to club. wonder if it'll work. *winks* by the way, it wasn't my idea.

my blink blink went missing! it's so upsetting! had it for less than a month and it's a birthday pressie from my parents. *sobs* swept every corner of the floor and searched every inch of the table. still no sign of it. my room isn't exactly very big and my ring isn't that small to be missed. there's no reason to why i can't find it. this is juz very very weird. maybe it'll appear if i stop looking for it? this was what i thought of last night. but it still hasn't reappear till now. wanted to juz go home and forget about it. but i'm sore about losing the ring like that. it's so unbelievable. really wish to find it. it's too precious to me. *sigh* i want my blink blink back!

how should i start? it's been an "eventful" day. gave the day's program a miss. kinda disappointed at the planning of the current seniors camp. still hope FOC will be a success though i've lost the passion for it. my FOC as a freshie left a deep impression on me. kinda marked the start of my uni life. i believe it would be for any other freshies too. hence it better be good enough to leave an impact. now it seems hafta get a little more involved in the execution of the actual camp. headed to town for production meeting in the evening. was a little upset over the fact that i wasn't one of the main cast. came to terms with it and i'm gonna do my best for the little role i have. bet the preparation and rehearsals would be as enjoyable as the previous production if not more. looking forward to 23rd and 24th september. was shocked by a piece of terrible news after the meeting. susan, joselyn, chunky and tuang met with an accident on the lorry while on a recee for beach games at changi. messaged susan immediately and the situation didn't look good. went to zouk as planned though i was worried. for the 1st half of the night, was constantly smsing susan juz to make sure that things are alright. was kinda relieved to know that she juz needed 2 stitches. found out by chance that jerry was transferred to another bar. guess i've got a new hangout. *smiles* it was a mistake to meet up with weixing and the guys. can't really remember how much i drank. but guess it's not the quantity but more of what i had ---> e33 (my most hated alcoholic drink). told you i'm lousy at 5-10. *bleah* spent the remaining of the night on the podium. wonder why but i got it once again. joanne pushed some guy off and i was hit by the guy. lost my grip and pushed HIM off the podium by accident. he got really pissed (not at me as he claims) but i still felt bad even till now. *frown* anyway, did i mention that last night's music was fantastic? sonny was good. had loads of fun and enjoyed myself. the only comparable mambo that i can think of was the last one of 2004. things between "former good friend" and me took a change for the better i hope. had a few words and hanged out at shell with him, sebastian, allan and friends plus ken. felt kinda awkward but hafta start somewhere i suppose. shared a cab back with sebastian and he told me some stuff which i never knew. maybe it's been a case of miscommunication? shrug. reached back hall around 5 plus, checked on susan and chatted with her till now. she seems to be in a real bad shape. hope she'll get well soon.

Taken at shell after mambo.
Top: Model's own
Watch: Model's own
Earrings: From Me

time to update. it's been quite a while since i last posted. shrug. not in the mood to actually. things have been quite bad. not only that they're not going my way, plus i din expect the situation to turn out this way. juz to follow up on my previous post. i still have not talk to him yet, not to mention make peace. anyway, i believe it doesn't really make a difference to him. like i said, he's been in a lousy mood not coz of me. guess i owe him one for last wednesday at zouk. he wanted to trash things out while we were on the podium but i really din wanna discuss the issue then. made clear to him my stand but he was pretty insistent. in the end, i juz walked off. sorry for the lousy attitude. the incident kinda spoilt the evening. was a more than crowded night. saw a couple of friends. was really glad to have joo there. had my favourite drink with her. spent most of the night on the dancefloor alone. sometimes really miss those clubbing days with susan and meiling. wonder when can have the chance again. highlight of the night was my sms exchange with HIM. juz the few messages from him made me felt better. guess i'm not that hard to please. was kinda surprised that he knew about the cold war i'm having with my "former good friend" and that he knew of certain content of my blog. thanks for the concern anyway. thursday was spent playing mahjong and i realised the frequency of mahjong sessions seems to have increased. thanks to weixing. *grins* friday's session was cancelled coz almost everyone on my list had a date. spent the night out with daniel who juz came back from malaysia and friends. was quite a night at double o on saturday. tension between me and him grew more intense. i practically ignored everyone whenever he's around. i'm beginning to think i'm quite a bitch. *laughs* what's new? the night ended with me sending him a sms. can't recall the full content but i suppose it wasn't too friendly a message coz i remember being really pissed when i left. guess it's about time to settle this matter. people around me seem to be having a rough time too, especially daniel. know it's an old line but i still hafta say, dun worry so much ya. things will be fine in no time. had lunch with gracie in town at sakae on monday. lucky ger's on long leave till mid july. as usual, we walked around a little and went cartel for a 2nd round. *grins* i'm such a glutton. headed home after the early dinner to pack up for seniors camp. i'm beginning to lose interest in FOC as it's the 4th time i'm going through this. but i don't really have a choice regarding attendance. shrug. it's amazing how i spent the night in hall. stayed up to revamp my blog. it's a brand new look for a brand new me. proud of myself. din catch a wink and went straight for the morning's program. as i wasn't holding any major post this year, i kinda slacked throughout the day. was in my room after lunch to touch up the last bit of my blog. had a hard time getting the background midi to work. had canadian pizza for dinner with susan, joselyn, jeffery and paul. plain lazy and too tired to travel. was struggling to keep my eyes open while watching "tong xin yuan" on channel 8. so glad when the show ended coz i could finally hit my bed. couldn't hold out any longer. but guess what?!? i woke up an hour plus later thinking it was past mid-night already only to be shocked to find out that i slept so little. wasn't the least bit tired tho. had a boring meeting with the JCRC at 11 plus till now. how uninteresting. tomorrow's wednesday le. hope it's gonna be fun. need some excitement in my life.

guess i've been a little too harsh and i apologise for that. feeling kinda guilty and wanna clear things up a bit. he's not as mean as i made him out to be in the previous post. been a good friend i suppose. being there for me when i was drunk, didn't mind me tagging along during the nights out with the guys, fetching me home and sometimes back to hall after clubbing and most of all he's been a great clubbing buddy. appreciate all that he has done. maybe i've been over-demanding and took all the attention for granted. *laughs* tend to overlook people's good once they 'ill-treat' me a little. it's not that i've forgotten all that he has done for me but it's juz in me to react this way i guess. call me a spoilt brat or whatever, but i'm still feeling lousy over what happened. *sigh*

i have no choice but to believe that when you gain something, you lose something. that's life. hazel and dawei seem to be slowly moving back into my life. though we aren't as close as before, at least we are on talking terms now. as i'm regaining my 2 lost friendships, i've lost yet another friend. it's juz me i guess. might have been oversensitive regarding this issue, but i believe that my feelings are not completely groundless. feel like i've been taken for granted by a friend, if he ever consider me as one in the 1st place. this has happened before, and i'm silly enough to let it happen a 2nd time. not gonna let it happen a 3rd time and make myself seem like a complete fool. it's petty and childish of me to wanna cut contact with him coz of this but i really don't wanna get hurt anymore. much as i hate to admit, i'm pretty affected by everything that's happened. anyway, i'm not the only one who doesn't want to resolve the differences. he admitted in a sms to daniel that he's ignoring me. can't really blame me for not wanting to talk to him right? many of you have told me that i'm feeling so pissed coz i'm carrying a torch for him. i suppose i do feel something for him (adrian and daniel must be overjoyed that i'm finally agreeing to their statement) but that's besides the point. probably my expectations of him as a friend are way too high. guess the only explanation for that is i treatED him as a good friend. shrug. i'm not the kind of person who can't share platonic friendships with guys i've taken an interest in. but look, my point is, i feel that i'm not even being treated as a friend in this case. how else do you expect me to react? i understand that the truth hurts, but i'm the kind who would rather be hurt than to be kept in the dark. maybe there's some misunderstanding somewhere. but that's what i feel. wonder if this spells the end of our friendship or if anything worse is gonna come my way. for now, i'm sticking to my decision. to my friends who are constantly hearing my complains and suffering from my mood swings, thanks! especially daniel who's kinda caught in between on saturday. sorry if i've made things difficult for you.

it was supposed to be a happy night. met quanrong earlier in the evening to collect my pressies. he got me a mickey and minnie plus pooh! *smiles* i've always got a soft spot for soft toys remember? really love them alot. *hugs* headed down to zouk and to my surprise, it was pretty crowded. wonder why. *grins* bumped into a senior whom i had a huge crush on back in AJ. he's actually one year my junior in CE. shrug. never had the chance to get to know him till last night. what made my day was the fact that he was the one who tried to make conversation. *winks* saw him a couple of times in school and if i remember correctly, i was in the same class as him for HRM. *laughs* that probably made him think that we belong to the same batch. it never did occur to him that i was his junior in JC. who would anyway? stayed low profile throughout the 2 years. not gonna reveal who he is, so keep guessing people. got a little cranky last night that i decided to dance with HIM. saw him alone on the dance floor and seized the opportunity. been contemplating to do so for a long time. well, it was a short one but was enough to make me smile. as promised, i'm not gonna post what made me crazy last night. i've told no one about it and i guess i'm juz gonna let it pass. for good. summer rain is still my favourite mambo song and it's gonna stay that way.

a very big THANK YOU to all my friends who remembered my birthday. thanks for the smses, cards, pressies, drinks, hugs and kisses. love ya all! you made my 23rd birthday a memorable one. could for once ignore the fact that i've actually aged on this day.

3rd June(birthday eve):
spent the night playing mahjong at adrian's house. had a hard time finding kakis. glad daniel was available. should play with us more often and you'll be more trained le. *grins* received lots of birthday wishes at midnight. sorry if i didn't reply, my poor phone has got zero reception at adrian's house. was quite disappointed as i scrolled through the messages cause none was from HIM. *sigh* probably bore too high hopes that he will actually bother to wish me and hence the unhappiness. well, it's my birthday and i wasn't prepared to let him ruin this special day.

4th June:
stayed home with my parents for the day. cut cake and took pictures. though we do this every year, i still look forward to this annual little celebration at home. my parents are really sweet people. *smiles* bought me a yummy chocolate cake, pretty pink and white poodle pillow and nice nice diamond ring. so sweet right? *big big smile* met up with gracie in the evening for dinner. sorry that i was late. had a hard time deciding what to wear. *grins* dinner was settled at PS swensens. i had omelette with double cheese filling, deep fried mushrooms as side and a fire house happy birthday for dessert. time to lose weight. *laughs* for a start, we decided to walk to double o to meet up with the rest. *grins* was a rather crowded night at the club. spent the whole night dancing till 2 plus before i reluctantly left. it was the start of my nightmare. most of the regulars had left by then. less for me to drink. *big grins* shan't list down what i drank but i believe the amount of beer i had last night was more than what i had drunk for the past 23 years. i'm serious. in any case, thank you guys for all the drinks. glad i could walk out of the place with grace. *smiles* but was kinda light headed already. it was a feat that i managed to not puke before i got home. anyway, i concussed once i got home with my phone on silent mode. got a shock when i wakey to see 56 missed calls and a few unread messages. apologies to everyone. know you were pretty worried for my safety when i didn't answer the calls.

to Gracie, Shirleen: thanks for the big big pooh! (thanks to hazel too) love it! good to have another sleeping partner. *grins* great to have ya company at double o. i'm sorry if i neglected you gals but i really couldn't help it as it's retro night. *grins* know you were there juz for me. *muacks*

to Susan: thanks for coming down to double o to watch over me. *grins* though i didn't use the life line but was really glad you were there. enjoyed dancing with ya. but muz admit that i'm old le. legs starting to ache after a bit of dancing.

to Ziwei: thanks for the company, the drinks, the hug, the ride home and sending me all the way to my door step. *grins* it was quite a successful attempt at making me drunk. *bleah* it's pay back time on 4th july ya. *winks*

learnt a lesson the hard way. due to clubbing, lack of sleep and being stuck in the freezing NTU Library 1 for 6 hours, my condition worsened. got home and took my temperature. 39 degrees. gosh! felt like dying. was aching all over and had no appetite. wat could be worse? don't feel like eating? that's so unlike of me. sorry for the lagging replies at sms or the missed calls. dozed off here and there while watching tv. supposed to meet jason and min to do up the room allocation. but was too sick to drag myself out of bed. many apologies for that. anyway, i'm feeling better already. temperature has gone down though my back is still aching. throat feels a little sore and getting a slight cough. but no worries for me, i'll be fine in no time.

looking for mahjong kakis for tonight. seems like an eventful night. everyone is occupied. *sigh* praying hard that i can find the last leg. ziwei asked how i'm gonna spend my birthday eve. well, i'm probably gonna follow my routine to play mahjong or stay home. not gonna go on a date with anyone unless it's sumone special to me. *smiles* anyway, as the years go by, i'm beginning to dread celebrating my birthday. getting old and i've not accomplished anything. feel kinda useless. nevertheless, i'm still looking forward to tomorrow. gonna have the usual cake cutting at home with my parents and meet up with gracie and shirleen in the evening. thanks for all the early wishes and for remembering.

poor me has fallen sick. got nagged at for wanting to go mambo after being 'bedridden' the whole of yesterday. down with fever, flu and sorethroat plus a splitting headache. well, come to think of it, it's a little crazy. in any case, i know i'll feel uneasy if i didn't go. the night was really bad due to my condition. forced myself to smile at times but it's really hard. forgive me for the black face. was feeling terrible physically, that's all. felt so uncomfortable that i gave my favourite summer rain a miss, decided to stay at the bar instead. guess the air at the dance floor wasn't too good. the only moment that made me smile from within was when HE held my hand. *grins* was pushed off the platform and sumone held onto me. when i looked up and realised that it was him, i almost melted. the incident became an excuse for me to sms him later in the night. *smiles* it was a long night. chatted with ziwei, sebastian, daniel and jayce at shell till 5 plus. got home at 6. took a 1 hour nap, showered and now i'm back in school trying to register for my modules. think system screwed up again. i can't log in to STARS! *sigh*