Lying on my bed and blogging using my communicator. Supposed to knock out half hour ago since i had quite a packed weekend. I'm physically tired but my mind simply refuse to stop thinking. Guess i'm too emo to sleep. Apparently, he's gonna be posted overseas 2 months earlier than expected. It's good exposure for him but selfish as i am, I'm so not looking forward to november. Wish time would come to a standstill. He's so gonna be missed my me. I can't imagine how life would be like. Yes, it still goes on, but i'm worried. It has come to a point which i dread most. We're nothing at all, nothing. Was on the line with dear dear and i told him i'm upset. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets attached, but i know it would set me crying. This has to end someday, doesn't it? I wish it to be a happily after fairytale but alas...

xiao mao is confused once again. *sigh* so much insecurities lately and i'm beginning to take the nonchalant approach. Most of the time, i'll juz push aside everthing, forget the unhappiness. It works till the next time emo monster creeps up on me. I remember someone told me before that i can't bear the emptiness of being alone and i've always debated that point. Now, i'm beginning to have doubts. Honestly, i do miss being attached. The need for having someone to whine to is increasing. Its juz so not gonna happen. I enjoy times spent alone. Shopping, swimming.. So long as i'm occupied i suppose. I hate it when i'm all alone doing nothing. Maybe that's why i finally got my dive licence, maybe that's how shirleen managed to convince me to go for yoga classes, maybe that's why i'm always filling up my time with one activity or another. I'm afraid of being alone. It scares me and my imagination would run wild. Grr..

I don't care if i'm his only girl, i juz want him and myself to be happy, to enjoy each others' company. I don't care how others see me or what they say about me, for this is my life. I live my life the way i want it.