do i miss being in a relationship? or do i juz need someone to be there for me? *shrug* i have no answers to that too. woke up this afternoon feeling really sad. i wonder why. maybe i have the reason but i'm juz refusing to admit it. even to myself. it's juz the silly me at work again i guess. every other minute that i'm not doing anything, my mind juz decides to remind me of certain issues and people. *sigh* exams round the corner and i'm totally not prepared for it. better start mugging soon. the past week or so seems to be a period for catching up with friends. met up with sebastian last tuesday in town. gosh! realised how much i miss wednesday's mambo with him and the rest. looking forward to the 26th October. *winks* was finally back in hall on friday. had dinner at jurong point's swensens with susan and joo. miss hall life with friends. close friends. friends whom i can relate to seems so little. or izzit me who's been isolating myself? *shrug* was out in town having dinner with shirleen and hazel earlier in the evening. reminiscing the past. how i wish i could turn back time. guess secondary school life was the most memorable for me. meeting up with the girls did make me feel better. though it was juz a simple dinner and small talks. love you darlings. wonder why but the longer i'm kept awake and not occupied, the more upset i get. it's not so much of that issue i guess. it's more of what someone said to me last night. i'm pretty affected and am still in the midst of digesting what he said. i'm juz being plain dumb and silly. guess i know perfectly what all these are leading to and yet i'm not putting a stop to it. why? maybe it's all retribution. what he's putting me through is what i'm putting others through. 5 letters for myself B-I-T-C-H.

been asking myself a question: what made me start this blog? my guess is him. not the HIM that i've been posting recently but someone who has a special place in my heart. it began with entries of my feelings and emotions, usually negative. probably an outlet for me to express my unhappiness. moved on to post about my everyday life, letting friends who care keep track of how i've been doing. however, i'm beginning to feel that my privacy is being intruded in a way. *shrug* should have guessed that this would happen but i juz somehow feel uneasy about the intrusion. really wish i could blog more. especially during times like now. life's been a dread. things got to a point where there were too much for me to handle. but i'm slowly recovering. i really hope i do. thanks to daniel and ziwei for being there. it's not that easy to be my sister and part-time boyfriend. *grins* to gracie and shirleen: update more when we meet up. no worries about me, i'm doing fine at the moment. luck has been really down. wonder if my lucky star is slacking juz like me. been on a losing streak at mahjong for the past 2 weeks. not to mention that i've been extremely injury prone too. the worst being the incident this morning on my way back to hall from school. wonder if it's the lack of sleep or i'm juz plain clumsy or izzit that i'm getting too heavy for my poor legs to carry. my knees gave way and i landed on the road. as a result of the fall, my jeans has got a hole and both my knees are scarred. been a long time since i had such a bad fall. makes me wonder what's coming up next. life's in a mess and to make things worse, i'm not able to find comfort at home. feeling guilty for staying out late all the time but i juz din want to be alone and let my mind start wandering. neither do i want my parents to start worrying for me. someone once told me that i'm being too hard on myself at times, resulting in all these upsets. am i?