juz read a good friend's blog. hope you're feeling better and hope things at home are better. don't worry too much ya. things probably aren't as bad as you imagine. i've been through it and i've imagined the worst. in the end, it was juz false alarm. juz remember you'll always have your good friends (like me!) around you. sister, believe in the fortune teller. life's gonna better after this year and i'm sure you can pull through. long time never go ktv. muz jio me out one of these days ya. was really glad to see you on wednesday. sorry that i didn't dance with you at the podium. you should know the reason i suppose. though it's long over i juz wanna steer clear of his path.

met up with an old friend for dinner. the same old friend i met in january. it's juz amazing how we click. no other intentions. we're juz good friends. bad times i suppose. juz like me. really need a break. kinda upset that my trip with susan's postponed to july. he suggested going bangkok or was it me? *shrug* but we both need a short trip juz to relax. and guess when's our flight? next week! he's starting his masters in june so we have only next week. now i juz hafta confirm my leave application. feeling excited but unsure. i know the trip would do me good. shopping always makes me feel better. but there're much more things that i hafta consider.
1. BUDGET - going hongkong in july. hafta save up enough for the trip as well. i wanna go disneyland badly! additional holiday gonna burn my pocket.
2. WORK - getting bored of my routined working life. need something exciting to make myself happier. can't help but feel bad having to take leave now and again in july.
3. sOmeOne - of coz you wouldn't mind. would you? even if you do, you wouldn't say. you'll say nothing to me.

no replies yet again. i shouldn't be letting this drag on. should i? it's no good to leave things hanging. but well, you did make it clear to ask me to let go. telling myself and people around that i will if i find someone better. how do you define better? that's my question. till now, i've not met anyone that fits the bill better than you do. am i juz refusing to accept others or am i juz blindly liking you or are you really the best for me? people ask, why him? time and again i tried to find the answer but i juz couldn't. if there's a reason, it wouldn't be love anymore. *sigh* it's a silly question but i still want a silly answer from you. will you be upset if i were to marry someone else? juz wondering if you'll be upset if i were to be gone juz like the previous time but i suppose if i do, i'll never be back again. never will.

you wouldn't believe what i did today. *grins* MOVIE MARATHON! was a great and fun day! been a long time since i actually caught more than one movie in a day. wondering who was my "partner in crime"? who else but susan! our 1st show was Poseidon. reminds me of the show titanic. that's how i felt when i saw the trailer some time back. my mum actually asked if it was the sequel to the latter. after finishing the show, it further confirmed my feelings juz that there were more action and much less romance. a rather nice show. as promised, we watched Mission Impossible 3. i've never thought tom cruise was cute till this show. i wonder why. maybe it's the show or maybe it's juz me. my 2nd time catching the show but i still enjoyed myself throughout. it's probably the storyline that attracted me. When Stranger Calls wasn't scary in the scary sense. argh! dunno how to describe the feeling. anxiety is not the word either. from the beginning to end, i could feel my heart race. and the show got me so paranoid that i didn't wanna take the lift with 2 strangers back at my place. walked all the way to the other end of my block to take the lift up. wanted to call you at that moment. scrolled to your name but didn't dial the number. my guess was you were probably too busy to entertain my silly phonecall. *sigh* disappointment of the day was probably dinner. went sakae at citylink. apparently, they had a different menu. many of my favourites weren't served. *sulks* decided to make up for the lousy dinner by going to swensens for dessert. banana crumble, deep fried mushroom and fries. *yummy* that was much better. time to sleep but still missing you. will you call tonight?

feeling like a pig and eating like one. i'm supposed to be losing weight! face getting rounder. can hardly see the edges of the square. *pouts* been skipping my breakfast and lunch during work hoping to get rid of the fats. but it's really hard if i continue to feast like this for dinner. met susan for dinner in town after work on saturday. sorry for the long wait but i'm still trying to figure out why customers like to walk in only when i'm about to knock off. decided on NYDC coz we're both missing porky's salad! guess it's been a really long time since we dined there. god knows when they changed their menu and took out porky's salad! what a disppointment. wonder if the disappointment got into susan's head or was it her nature? told me she wanted mushroom and ham but ended up ordering three amigos. was thinking to myself that she changed her mind really fast. but when our food was served, she realised she placed the wrong order! *slaps forehead*
Dinner Menu:
- Garlic Toast with Mozeralla
- Three Amigos Baked Rice (for susan)
- Mushroom Madness Pizza (for me)
we were offered free dessert at NYDC by susan's SR senior who was working there. but i decided to forgo that and move on to cartel for dessert. *grins* have i really not been dining out for a long time? so not used to their new system of ordering and billing. i seriously believe they are over-staffed but still inefficient. nevertheless, i still enjoyed the food.
Dessert Menu:
- Strawberry Milkshake (for susan)
- Eastside Brownie Stack (for me)
- Potato Wedges

seems like we can't stop once we start. went chomp chomp with susan after i knocked off last night. been some time since i visited the place. wanted to go amk for my favourite carrot cake. decided that chomp chomp has got more choices. *laughs* my diet is not gonna work at the rate i'm eating. i'm so gonna grow fat! help!
Dinner Menu:
- Carrot Cake (both black and white *extra large*)
- Fried Oyster (for susan only)
- Chwee Kuey (6 pieces)
- Sugar Cane Juice (one large glass for each of us)
seeing all the food remind us of our JB trip some time back. the amount we ate was truly amazing. really miss the fruit juice there. especially my favourite honeydew! it was probably the company that made the trip so fun. shopping and eating. so missing those times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~7th July 2007~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i wanna get married! met up with gracie on tue and wonder what sparked off the discussion. whether i'm afraid of being left on the shelf or izzit the ringing wedding bells that got me crazy but i really wanna get married! the question now is: who shall i marry? *laughs* seriously, i thought to myself. if any one proposes to me within this year, i'll probably not hesitate to agree. *hint hint* guess it's more of wanting to put on the wedding gown and the desire to have my own kids than anything else. or maybe, i'm juz tired of my current life. geminis get bored easily i suppose. it's time i stop painting beautiful pictures. it's time for me to face reality. it's never gonna happen. i'm really tired. tired of telling myself to give up. tired of believing. juz tired. not meant to be. if it is, things would have developed back then. i thought i had a 2nd chance but seems like i was juz imagining things. *sigh* you told me to give up for the time being. if i want to and can do so, i would have given up. you're forever keeping things from me. sometimes, i juz wish i know more. don't want your problems to affect others. that's your nature but i juz wish i could share. maybe i'm pushing too hard. too agressive. maybe i should have let what's past remain as past. for now, i really wanna get married. can someone please propose?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~mambO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

been a while since i clubbed. it was fun! can't really remember what happened. confession: i was high. probably that was why it was more fun than usual. met several different groups of friends and the 1st half of the night was spent drinking. was at velvet with susan and friends most of the time. god knows what i drank. but i suppose i downed at least 8 lychee martinis. it's hard to find good drinking kakis nowadays. honestly, i don't remember what songs were spinned. according to sources, i forgot my moves. *laughs* not that i forgot, juz that i was too high i suppose. can't help but i really miss those regular clubbing days. met yin on the way to shell. question: why are you always the only girl with a group of guys? izzit safe? strange but i suddenly feel like going back to being a les. fine. super no link but that's juz a thought. you told me not to drink so much in future. but why didn't you ask why i drank so much? guess there wasn't a concrete reason. juz felt like drinking. it's good to relieve stress this way once in a while.