FOC :: Freshmen Orientation Camp

finally over. or is it? it's the 5th FOC i've been through, 4th as a senior. years passed since i was a freshie. though memories are not fresh in my mind anymore, but they're still there, well-kept by me. if i can ever turn back time, i promise i'll be a better freshie. have to admit that i was one of the problem kids. refusing to get out of bed in the morning, finding all sorts of excuses to skip stupid games, running off in the middle of the programme to go clubbing. yes, that was me years ago. can't really blame freshies when they disappear for no reason coz i really can understand how they feel. *grins* realised i was quite a bit to handle back then. a very big thank you to all my GLs and seniors, FOC will never be the same without you. oh yes.. thanks for giving me the chance to be in the pageant. guess it was the highlight of year one. been quite an experience. really wish i have another chance to start all over again, to revive all that was lost. have been a programmer for every hall FOC since my senior year. to be part of the planning was fun. though it gets really tiring at times, the satisfaction derived at the end of it all is enough to make up for all the sleepless nights. this is the 1st FOC that i get to slack, really slack. felt outta place and juz couldn't fit in anywhere. felt i was an extra. maybe i'm juz getting old. *sigh* it was through this FOC that i saw through certain things. be it good or bad, i'm glad to have kinda come to terms with everything.

Hall

it's the time of the year again. new people are gonna take over from the old ones. stepping down and going into the retiring mode is what i'm going through. *shrug* though i wasn't in Hall 13 from day one, i've developed feelings for everyone and everything here. it's kinda sad to not be involved anymore, but i'm glad new blood is injected. at least there'll be continuation. 64 is getting really dead and boring. miss the old times when the pioneer batch was still around. this is the worst semester ever. feel detached coz most of the familiar faces are gone. feel intruded coz there're so many unknown figures and long queue for the toilet. never felt worse. not when the pioneer batch graduated, not when susan went for attachment last semester. wonder if i'll ever get used to the change. many things are different now. say i'm traditional or i'm juz a stick in the mud, but i prefer the past.

School

start of a new semester and i'm not looking forward to it at all. was it the mindset that was wrong? overslept and missed the 1st lecture, skipped the 2nd one to go for lunch with susan at canteen A. *sigh* the pressure's killing me. the past four years in NTU have been really torturous in terms of studies. blamed it on the wrong course and lousy system but at the end of the day, i only have myself to blame. wrong priorities and all kinds of distractions. have i grown dumber or is it the lack of discipline? i wonder... trust me, it's a dread. doesn't feel good to see all my peers convocating and i'm still stuck in here. tried talking to my parents on a few occassions about withdrawing but they're insistent on me completing the course and getting the cert. but can i? i have no idea. as the 6 years limit draws nearer, i'm juz getting more and more worried. juz so afraid of facing my parents. the sense of guilt and shame is devouring me. life still hafta go on. need full concentration on my books this semester. it's my one and only chance.

Relationship

been almost a year since HE broke up with me. it's pretty obvious that i'm still not over HIM. though we were not together for long, what i have for HIM went back a long way (even before we got to know each other). i treasure all the sweet memories of the short relationship coz they're all i have that we shared. little things about HIM can drive me crazy. i know it's silly of me to behave this way but i juz can't help it. HE was the major factor in helping me to let go of a past relationship which took a year. that's probably one of the reasons why HE's so special. things can never be the same again. can it be? till now, i'm still wondering if HE was serious about me, about the relationship. things that happened and the reasons HE gave, were they true? put all my trust in HIM at the beginning but things somehow went the wrong way. was afraid of history repeating and hence all the questions start setting in. if given a chance, i will do everything to make up for whatever's lost. it's easy for me to have a crush on someone, to like someone. but it's not easy for me to fall in love with a person and when i do, it's even more difficult to make me fall out of love.