all i want for new year is...

LV Koala Wallet in Damier canvas (Azur) - it's been a long time since i last changed a wallet. guess it was about 4 years ago. really love the koala wallet in damier canvas. very unique. it's a new design. nice nice. gonna get it after chinese new year. *praying hard*

Fujitsu LifeBook S6311 - i should be contented with my IBM ThinkPad. juz can't help but wish to get a Fujitsu. it's juz so sleek and beautiful. plus it has got bluetooth capability which my IBM doesn't and an additional USB port. most importantly, it's much lighter. only about 1.7kg. can't wait to lay my hands on it.

Nintendo DS Lite Coral Pink - been thinking about it since the KL trip. juz wondering when can i afford the time to play. my mum and dad gonna be the ones fighting over it i suppose. *laughs* i don't need it but i guess the colour attracted me, plus the fact that darling will be kept entertained when i'm playing mahjong. should i or should i not?

Papillio Madrid Silk Flowers Pink - bought the madrid folklore rose instead coz the silk flowers pink is twice the price. 130 bucks for a pair of sandals. that's pretty crazy. i'm still thinking about it though. it's really pretty. wanna have a pair of my own. i'm a greedy little girl. anyone wanna place an order? *evil grins*

it's a wednesday night. i'm supposed to be at zouk. supposed to. 6 months ago, you'll never fail to find me at the same place. sometimes i juz wonder if it's all worthwhile. to be honest, i love to club. i really do. juz don't understand why people don't understand my idea of clubbing :: to enjoy the music, dance, have a couple of my favourite drinks and catch up with friends. it's juz that simple. nothing more than that. miss mambo. *sigh* david asked me that day :: what is considered being selfish in a relationship? i believe that all humans are selfish in one way or another, it's juz the degree of selfishness that varies. i admit i'm selfish but there're times when i'll give in. it's true. at times like this, i juz wonder if i'm being taken for granted. i know it's unfair that i'm not speaking up but somehow i need time to think. whenever this happens, i'll juz sink into deep thoughts but after a long night of rest, i'll juz decide to keep the matter aside. that's not very helpful i guess. maybe it's juz me. it's been almost 2 months since i last clubbed. for someone who clubs at least once every week, i suppose 2 months is a record. i know i'm repeating myself but i miss mambo. whispering our goodbyes waiting for the train i was dancing with my baby in summer rain...

feeling grouchy. many many reasons to that. 1stly, darling went to play di with carey, issac and steven. leaving poor baby all alone at home. it's the 3rd consecutive night he's out with the guys. poor poor baby. 2ndly, it's a wednesday night and i'm cooped up at home! i wanna go clubbing! last night i was dreaming i was locked in a prison cell.. 3rdly, work. counting the months, i'm with the company for almost a year (excluding part-time days which were more fun). many many changes, especially in terms of colleagues. good and bad. so many new faces in the company. don't even recognise. still remember my days as a newbie. learned everything through practice. really thankful of people whom i worked with for being so patient. it's not easy. today, i got to know a piece of news which upset me quite a bit. someone's leaving the company for a better offer. really happy for her but at the same time can't help but feel sad. she was the 1st person i got to know in the company. helped me a lot and been through bad times with me. one of the reasons why i managed to convert to full-time. so gonna miss her when she's gone. one less reason for me to stay with the company. work is becoming so routined. answering the same questions every day. why can't everyone be more kind to sales personnel or CSO? we are humans too. we have bad days too. can't expect us to know everything right? juz coz i belong to one company doesn't mean i hafta do everything for you. it's not an obligation, it's a service. have you ever tried to get someone at best denki or harvey norman to repair your faulty plasma tv? if the answer is no, stop asking me to help you service your phone. most hated: you mean you dunno your product? only know how to sell, dunno how to repair. what kind of service? customer service sir/madam. what kind of logic is that? if i sell phone means i must know how to repair? if that's the case, go to your car dealer and ask them fix your car for you. next most hated: same company ma. why can't i leave the phone with you? send it for service for me la. i'm very busy, can't always come down and waste my time le. you're not the only one who's busy lo. if every customer comes to me and ask me send their phone in for service, i no need work liao lo. i'm going mad from all these. really sick of it. i'm in need of a break seriously.

Christmas 2006
spent a homely christmas eve at home with darling. sweety darling bought a delicious log cake from polar. wanted to get from swensens but as expected, log cakes were sold out. lovely christmas tree, yummy log cake, sweety darling and pressies! count down with me to christmas. mum commented that i deliberately put up the tree at home to get more pressies. *laughs* that wasn't my motive but well.. it's a blessing in disguise. been wanting to own a christmas tree that i can call my own. and finally! i get to have one after 24 years. *happiness* thanks to darling for helping to transport the tree back from orchard. even all the decorations on the tree were hand-picked by me. wouldn't bear to tear it down when the season's over. played mahjong at steven's place with brendan, issac and of coz, the host himself on christmas night. it was a night full of fun and laughter. funny guys. enjoyed myself even though i lost in the end. poor darling dozed off while waiting for us to finish. you're juz so sweet.

Happy 2007

decided that it was too crowded to go anywhere for countdown and hence came home to take a good rest only to find that my parents had gone to the community club to countdown with the rest of the neighbourhood. so happening. *grins* went marina south for BBQ and steamboat with my colleagues after work on new year day. apart from past and present parkway staff (Nelson, Agnes, Thomas, Marcus and Alvin), others who were present were the roadshow team (Berlyn, Jeffery and Shawn), from suntec (Desmond) and Eddy (sorry, have no idea which outlet you from). it was another night full of jokes and crap. you can't imagine how nonsensical these people can get. someone tried to hide my sirocco during the night but backfired as i had my name engraved on the back cover. *bleah* the bowling centre was our next stop after supper. agnes, alvin and thomas vs jeffery, nelson and eddy. shawn had a few guest appearances. trust me, there's more fun than you think there could be hanging out with them. left at around 1 plus to join darling, brendan and issac for number ball. if you're wondering, i was watching them not playing. can't play table balls for nuts. had a great night out with the guys. hopefully the rest of this year would be as fun and enjoyable as the 1st day.

miss me? *grins* finally back again. the only reason why i've got the spare time to blog is simply coz i'm on holiday! well.. not that i'm totally elated to go on this trip but it's definitely a getaway from work. if only darling is here with baby. missing darling so much. miss the times we had in bangkok. i wanna go on a trip with darling again! that's only possible next year i suppose. planning another hong kong or bangkok trip. there's basically nothing to buy in KL. prices are pretty similar to singapore. why should i bother then? so disappointing. by the way, if u're wondering where i found the extra leave, i didn't. company's incentive trip. everything paid for. was staying at sunway resort for the past 2 days. realised that i'm too old for theme parks. can hardly take the excitement. was quite fun though during team building. my team actually came in 1st and each of us won a 80 bucks takashimaya voucher! yay! to add to my happiness, i won a total of RM249 during the mahjong sessions for the 1st 2 nights. basically, the new specs i made is free. hee! i'm simply evil. now i have excess ringgit in my wallet. need to spend them all by tonight. or maybe i'll juz play mahjong again. *grins* got a nice view out of my room in marriot. can see the twin towers. wanna go shopping! tik i need to get new pants for work. *sigh* was discussing about future plans with my fellow colleagues over lunch. guess i'm gonna start looking for a new job soon. though i'm pretty happy with what i'm doing now, i can't stay on in this position forever. wanna get out of sales/telco line. it's pretty tiring. and it's really a bad idea for me to stay on in telco. i'm juz so affected by the promotions. *laughs* got a Nokia 6233 for my dad and a pink Nokia 7390 for my mum. Singtel's promotions were simply irresistable. wanted to get a Sony Ericsson W850i too. decided against the idea coz i simply have too many mobiles! still remember my 1st mobile :: Nokia 6110. birthday pressie from dad. next is one of my favourites as it has a blue screen :: Nokia 8250. upgraded to my 1st coloured screen mobile :: Nokia 6100. got myself a pretty phone, my all-time favourite as well :: Nokia 7270. now, my new love would be Nokia 8800 Sirocco! hee. phones i've used for the past year is probably more than what i own. my 1st mobile from Nokia :: N90. followed by N70, N91, N80, N73, N93, Nokia 5300 and the latest would be N73 Music Edition. it's time for dinner! gotta go. will be back soon. =)

growing cobwebs in here. isn't it? *giggles* been really tied up with work. guess age is catching up fast on me. gets tired real easily nowadays. routined work is making catherine a boring girl. went for a nokia event early this month. realised how much i miss working for events and road shows. feel so cooped up in the shop everyday. i shouldn't be complaining since i'm rotating between 2 outlets. but i juz can't help it. seeing the same old people everyday. thankful to all my nice nice colleagues. sometimes i juz don't understand why people (not customers) juz can't open their mouth and ask when they don't have the answers. they hafta pretend to be smart alecs. *sigh*

have not been signing my attendance at zouk for some time. can't afford to club every week. old people need more rest. *laughs* i'll still be back once in a while though. *winks* cutting down on mahjong as well. adrian was out of town for almost 2 months. and now, the kids are having their exams soon. plus xuanru hafta accompany his girlfriend over the weekend. no time, no players.

working for nokia does have certain benefits. one of which is having demo phones, lots of demo phones. beginning to lose the happiness when i receive a new phone. it's juz like part and parcel of my life. i no longer hafta wait for 21 months before i get a new toy. *grins* however, some of you may know. i juz recently spent my "entire life savings" on my new love ::Nokia 8800 Sirocco Edition:: fell in love with it as soon as i saw the image online. a pretty basic phone with not many functions but nice to hold and touch. it's lovely! make a guess which colour i got? the images are taken with the dummy handsets i got in the shop. looks real don't they?

so wanna take a break again. feel like travelling. for your information, i went to hong kong with susan and bangkok with my darling in july. that explains why i can't go on anymore trips. i simply do not have any more annual leave to clear. plus the fact that i'm pretty broke and my target for the last quarter of this year are screaming at me. i can't afford to go on another holiday this year! *sobs* guess i juz hafta be good and wait till 2007.

poor me hafta go to work already. will try to keep my blog updated.

juz read a good friend's blog. hope you're feeling better and hope things at home are better. don't worry too much ya. things probably aren't as bad as you imagine. i've been through it and i've imagined the worst. in the end, it was juz false alarm. juz remember you'll always have your good friends (like me!) around you. sister, believe in the fortune teller. life's gonna better after this year and i'm sure you can pull through. long time never go ktv. muz jio me out one of these days ya. was really glad to see you on wednesday. sorry that i didn't dance with you at the podium. you should know the reason i suppose. though it's long over i juz wanna steer clear of his path.

met up with an old friend for dinner. the same old friend i met in january. it's juz amazing how we click. no other intentions. we're juz good friends. bad times i suppose. juz like me. really need a break. kinda upset that my trip with susan's postponed to july. he suggested going bangkok or was it me? *shrug* but we both need a short trip juz to relax. and guess when's our flight? next week! he's starting his masters in june so we have only next week. now i juz hafta confirm my leave application. feeling excited but unsure. i know the trip would do me good. shopping always makes me feel better. but there're much more things that i hafta consider.
1. BUDGET - going hongkong in july. hafta save up enough for the trip as well. i wanna go disneyland badly! additional holiday gonna burn my pocket.
2. WORK - getting bored of my routined working life. need something exciting to make myself happier. can't help but feel bad having to take leave now and again in july.
3. sOmeOne - of coz you wouldn't mind. would you? even if you do, you wouldn't say. you'll say nothing to me.

no replies yet again. i shouldn't be letting this drag on. should i? it's no good to leave things hanging. but well, you did make it clear to ask me to let go. telling myself and people around that i will if i find someone better. how do you define better? that's my question. till now, i've not met anyone that fits the bill better than you do. am i juz refusing to accept others or am i juz blindly liking you or are you really the best for me? people ask, why him? time and again i tried to find the answer but i juz couldn't. if there's a reason, it wouldn't be love anymore. *sigh* it's a silly question but i still want a silly answer from you. will you be upset if i were to marry someone else? juz wondering if you'll be upset if i were to be gone juz like the previous time but i suppose if i do, i'll never be back again. never will.

you wouldn't believe what i did today. *grins* MOVIE MARATHON! was a great and fun day! been a long time since i actually caught more than one movie in a day. wondering who was my "partner in crime"? who else but susan! our 1st show was Poseidon. reminds me of the show titanic. that's how i felt when i saw the trailer some time back. my mum actually asked if it was the sequel to the latter. after finishing the show, it further confirmed my feelings juz that there were more action and much less romance. a rather nice show. as promised, we watched Mission Impossible 3. i've never thought tom cruise was cute till this show. i wonder why. maybe it's the show or maybe it's juz me. my 2nd time catching the show but i still enjoyed myself throughout. it's probably the storyline that attracted me. When Stranger Calls wasn't scary in the scary sense. argh! dunno how to describe the feeling. anxiety is not the word either. from the beginning to end, i could feel my heart race. and the show got me so paranoid that i didn't wanna take the lift with 2 strangers back at my place. walked all the way to the other end of my block to take the lift up. wanted to call you at that moment. scrolled to your name but didn't dial the number. my guess was you were probably too busy to entertain my silly phonecall. *sigh* disappointment of the day was probably dinner. went sakae at citylink. apparently, they had a different menu. many of my favourites weren't served. *sulks* decided to make up for the lousy dinner by going to swensens for dessert. banana crumble, deep fried mushroom and fries. *yummy* that was much better. time to sleep but still missing you. will you call tonight?

feeling like a pig and eating like one. i'm supposed to be losing weight! face getting rounder. can hardly see the edges of the square. *pouts* been skipping my breakfast and lunch during work hoping to get rid of the fats. but it's really hard if i continue to feast like this for dinner. met susan for dinner in town after work on saturday. sorry for the long wait but i'm still trying to figure out why customers like to walk in only when i'm about to knock off. decided on NYDC coz we're both missing porky's salad! guess it's been a really long time since we dined there. god knows when they changed their menu and took out porky's salad! what a disppointment. wonder if the disappointment got into susan's head or was it her nature? told me she wanted mushroom and ham but ended up ordering three amigos. was thinking to myself that she changed her mind really fast. but when our food was served, she realised she placed the wrong order! *slaps forehead*
Dinner Menu:
- Garlic Toast with Mozeralla
- Three Amigos Baked Rice (for susan)
- Mushroom Madness Pizza (for me)
we were offered free dessert at NYDC by susan's SR senior who was working there. but i decided to forgo that and move on to cartel for dessert. *grins* have i really not been dining out for a long time? so not used to their new system of ordering and billing. i seriously believe they are over-staffed but still inefficient. nevertheless, i still enjoyed the food.
Dessert Menu:
- Strawberry Milkshake (for susan)
- Eastside Brownie Stack (for me)
- Potato Wedges

seems like we can't stop once we start. went chomp chomp with susan after i knocked off last night. been some time since i visited the place. wanted to go amk for my favourite carrot cake. decided that chomp chomp has got more choices. *laughs* my diet is not gonna work at the rate i'm eating. i'm so gonna grow fat! help!
Dinner Menu:
- Carrot Cake (both black and white *extra large*)
- Fried Oyster (for susan only)
- Chwee Kuey (6 pieces)
- Sugar Cane Juice (one large glass for each of us)
seeing all the food remind us of our JB trip some time back. the amount we ate was truly amazing. really miss the fruit juice there. especially my favourite honeydew! it was probably the company that made the trip so fun. shopping and eating. so missing those times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~7th July 2007~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i wanna get married! met up with gracie on tue and wonder what sparked off the discussion. whether i'm afraid of being left on the shelf or izzit the ringing wedding bells that got me crazy but i really wanna get married! the question now is: who shall i marry? *laughs* seriously, i thought to myself. if any one proposes to me within this year, i'll probably not hesitate to agree. *hint hint* guess it's more of wanting to put on the wedding gown and the desire to have my own kids than anything else. or maybe, i'm juz tired of my current life. geminis get bored easily i suppose. it's time i stop painting beautiful pictures. it's time for me to face reality. it's never gonna happen. i'm really tired. tired of telling myself to give up. tired of believing. juz tired. not meant to be. if it is, things would have developed back then. i thought i had a 2nd chance but seems like i was juz imagining things. *sigh* you told me to give up for the time being. if i want to and can do so, i would have given up. you're forever keeping things from me. sometimes, i juz wish i know more. don't want your problems to affect others. that's your nature but i juz wish i could share. maybe i'm pushing too hard. too agressive. maybe i should have let what's past remain as past. for now, i really wanna get married. can someone please propose?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~mambO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

been a while since i clubbed. it was fun! can't really remember what happened. confession: i was high. probably that was why it was more fun than usual. met several different groups of friends and the 1st half of the night was spent drinking. was at velvet with susan and friends most of the time. god knows what i drank. but i suppose i downed at least 8 lychee martinis. it's hard to find good drinking kakis nowadays. honestly, i don't remember what songs were spinned. according to sources, i forgot my moves. *laughs* not that i forgot, juz that i was too high i suppose. can't help but i really miss those regular clubbing days. met yin on the way to shell. question: why are you always the only girl with a group of guys? izzit safe? strange but i suddenly feel like going back to being a les. fine. super no link but that's juz a thought. you told me not to drink so much in future. but why didn't you ask why i drank so much? guess there wasn't a concrete reason. juz felt like drinking. it's good to relieve stress this way once in a while.

叶子的离去是风的追求还是树的不挽留？这句话对我而言可说是刻骨铭心。那时的我曾想过。我已尽全力去留住他，但他始终决定离开。这也就是所谓风的追求吧。现在回想起过去，觉得自己还真的很傻。但是，我从没后悔曾经所付出的一切。他说以我的个性来判断，我并不像是那种会眷恋一段过去的感情的女生。但我就是这样。记得在去年的演出里，我有一句台词：如果真相等于受伤害，我宁愿一辈子被隐瞒。这是我在现实生活中常挂在嘴边的话。当时，我真的恨他对我承认事情的真相，证实我的猜测是正确的。经过了这些日子，我终于明白时间真的能冲淡一切。现在的我想起他或是见了面，心已不会痛了。虽然还是不能以平常心来面对，但也没有那种感觉了。不可否认的是他在我生命中留下了一段美好的回忆。

你是否在猜测他是谁？或许这一切对你根本不重要。已经一个多月没见了。你是否也跟我有同样的想念？很抱歉。对你的态度非常差。我知道我的决定令你感到很失望。但我想不出更好的对策。如果唯有离开才能够让我们在一起，我会这么做。或许你会因我的选择而放弃这段感情。若是如此，我也只好认命。我知道这个时期对你很重要。你没有多余的时间去处理其他无关紧要的事。但有时候我真的不知道自己是否在空等，好没安全感。你能告诉我该怎么做吗？

since young, i've always been a very family girl. many of you out there are probably laughing your hearts out. believe it or not. but i am pretty attached to my parents. i have my fair share of rebellious stage, running away from home, doing things that broke my parents heart. but deep down, i do care for this family. *shrug* it always feel good to be home, especially when i'm down. well, i wouldn't deny that at times, i rather stay out. reason being i don't wanna make my parents worry for me. being the only child has made me to be what i am today. yes! i'm finally admitting this officially. i'm pampered, spoilt in one way or another. i never hafta worry about anything and most of the time i'll get what i want. started swimming lessons since the age of 5. stopped going for lessons at the age of 7 coz i couldn't perfect the butterfly stroke. i'm a perfectionist remember? my mum wanted to enrol me for art class, but i juz didn't have the interest and talent that artists ought to have and i'm spared from the course. wonder where i got the idea from and opted to go for music class instead. picked up organ at the age of 9 if i remember correctly. did pretty alright for practical but guess what? i flung my theory grade 2. well, that spelled the end of my passion for the instrument, using PSLE as an excuse. went against my mum's wishes and took up basketball as my cca in cedar. she's always wanted me to join badminton but i really can't do racket games till today! guess i'm pretty lucky. hafta thank my parents for giving me good genes. i never really did hafta worry about studies. everything went pretty smoothly for me till NTU. my parents never did put any pressure on me, from the choice of schools to courses, i was in full control. mum wanted me to go NYJC but i chose AJC coz i really hated NY's uniform. *laughs* wonder if i juz went with the flow and didn't realise a point. juz recently, mum told me that they never did expect me to wanna get a degree. they wouldn't mind if i settled for juz a diploma. i've always thought they wanted me to have the degree, to do them proud. i never knew i had the choice of going to poly. i know i broke their hearts when i chose to withdraw from the course, but that was probably the best way out rather than to stay on and waste the family's resources. things are getting better at home, relations wise. but sometimes i juz wonder why my parents are juz so different. it kinda stresses me out. had a mini birthday celebration for dad. something which we'll never miss every year.


a friend asked: "How have you been? always wished you are happier and better." honestly, i have no answer to his question. life's definitely better now that i'm outta school. don't hafta worry about assignments, projects, lab reports and examinations. *cheers* school aside, i'm missing hall life badly. was looking at some old pictures taken in hall. miss all the fun i had, especially my old neighbours. late night suppers and mahjong sessions, sitting on the ledge, be it looking silly doing mambo moves or juz simply chatting (aka gossiping), clubbing together, inter-hall games, freshmen orientation, dinner & dance, production. *sigh* work is pretty simple and routined. juz that i'm beginning to hate the politics that's beginning to surface. plus some of the lousy customers that i hafta face. received 2 complains in 3 days. i'm probably gonna get into trouble soon. maybe i'm not gonna get pass the probation period. *shrug* i like my job but sometimes i juz wonder if i'm suitable for it. i really prefer to be 'tai-tai'. any takers? at this juncture, some of you may ask: "thought you're attached?" it's stated in my friendster profile, 'it's complicated'! i myself have no idea. my status is too profound for me to decipher. have no wish to think about it anymore. i'm tired. tired of trying to solve a problem that's got no solution. to some others, you may say: "you're juz finding excuses for yourself to play the field." all i can say is let time tell. my heart is closed and only one person has the key to it. but whether or not it's gonna be unlocked, it's hard to say.

izzit the lack of sleep? my swollen eye? or pms? maybe it's a mixture of everything. i've been really easily irritated and it's kinda affected my work. attitude towards certain customers was bad, especially when they had no intentions of purchase. i know this shouldn't be the case, but i juz can't help it. adding on to my frustration is the fact that i can never knock off at 830. the crowd at parkway always choose to come in at this time. maybe it's true that customers have already arranged to come in juz as i was about to leave. seriously, i wouldn't mind staying back to help out if they're really shorthanded. what i don't understand is why handle so many customers on your own when there're other colleauges around? is that one or two more commission so important? in the end, you might juz end up with nothing at all. should have utilised my mc on monday. perhaps my eye wouldn't be in the state it's in right now. can hardly open my eye. decided to give up my weekend off again to rest at home. realised that it doesn't really pay to be good at times.

a regular customer walked in on monday to purchase a handset with a 1000 note. as it was the 1st deal of the day, we didn't have enough change for him. he left with the phone and said he'll come back for his change later. he came back on tuesday saying that he wanna exchange the phone he bought for a even higher end one claiming that the lady with him didn't like the design. it wasn't our policy to do exchange and he got a new handset without the exchange without a word of complain! i've been wondering which line he's in. *grins* was telling my colleagues that i wouldn't mind being his mistress and all of them had the same reaction. told me to stop dreaming. maybe he would mind? i wouldn't even stand a chance. can't you guys be more confident of me? *hmph* can't blame them though. guess the odds are against me with how i look with my swollen eye now. *pouts*

been more than a week since i met you. miss you lots. busy period again with lots of meetings. sorry but i'm beginning to lose faith. i'm starting to question if it's the truth you were speaking when you said you're attached though you claimed it to be a joke. it's not about trust but more of self-confidence. this was one of the reason why i chose to 'disappear' back then. i really wouldn't know what to do if that's the case now. perhaps i wouldn't even have the choice. wonder why but each time i fall in love with someone, the person juz seems to be less nice to me. others around juz seem to care more for me in comparison. probably it's me. higher expectations i suppose. don't blame you for being busy. i know how important the business is to you and i know the consequences. maybe it's juz not meant to be. *shrug* you know how i hate it when you say that i've got other choices? it hurts. but you juz keep doing it. wonder how can i let you know how i feel.

have you ever wished to go back to the past? i do. i often hope that i could turn back time. reason? probably to make up for all the regrets i have. *sigh* it's been 2 weeks. not that i didn't have the time nor was it due to tiredness. i juz didn't wanna make blogging a habit, especially when i'm feeling down. reading through my entries, it appears that majority of the posts reflect unhappiness. i'm a selfish person i realised. much as i'm a frank and straightforward person, i do find it hard at times to reveal how i really feel. i've always taken for granted that others would be able to read my mind. but that's not always the case. i'm back in my comfort zone i admit. i'm no longer the independant and determined person i used to be. many times, i would choose to take the easy way out. being the only child has made me grown used to doing things on my own. though i enjoy being in the company of good friends, i have no problems shopping in town alone, dining on my own or simply spend time by myself. wonder when did i start to crave for the company of someone else. it's scary. i have my doubts but i put in 100 percent trust. izzit worth it? *shrug* received a sms from quanrong on wednesday. wonder why but it's always the case that he's in some kind of trouble whenever he looks for me (it's a mutual thing i suppose). was looking at the past email exchange we had and the little notes he wrote for me. strange but i could still remember how it felt. 2 years plus and it seems juz like yesterday. don't get the wrong idea. i've long put down the relationship. what's between me and him is pure friendship. can't remember when was the last time before wednesday that i clubbed. decided to head down to mambo since i was on training for the week. "feels like i'm back home" is probably what best describes how i felt. miss those days when i could club with the group every week, dancing to our favourite music. the session made me felt better. a group of us then went spize for supper. it's been a long time since i hanged out with the group like this. thanks to roger for sending me back and to adrian who drove me to zouk. i'm really pampered. aren't i? at the end of it all, i've still not come to the point yet. i really wanna turn back time, to where it all started. wanna be at the beginning when we 1st met, year 1 NTU.

to be continued...

斷點
作詞：張敬軒　作曲：張敬軒

靜靜地陪你走了好遠好遠
連眼睛紅了都沒有發現
聽著你說你現在的改變
看著我依然最愛你的笑臉
連這條舊路依然沒有改變
以往的每次路過都是晴天
想起我們有過的從前
淚水就一點一點開始蔓延

我轉過我的臉　不讓你看見
深藏的暗湧已經越來越明顯
過完了今天　就不要再見面
我害怕每天醒來想你好幾遍

我吻過你的臉　你雙手曾在我的雙肩
感覺有那麼甜　我那麼依戀
每當我閉上眼　我總是可以看見
失信的諾言全部都會實現
我吻過你的臉　你已經不在我的身邊
我還是祝福你過得好一點
短開的感情線　我不要做斷點
只想在睡前　再聽見你的　蜜語甜言

我真的受傷了
作詞：王菀之　作曲：王菀之　編曲：江建民

窗外陰天了　音樂低聲了　我的心開始想你了
燈光也暗了　音樂低聲了　口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外陰天了　人是無聊了　我的心開始想你了
電話響起了　你要說話了　還以為你心裡對我又想念了
怎麼你聲音變得冷淡了　是你變了　是你變了
燈光熄滅了　音樂靜止了　滴下的眼淚已停不住了
天下起雨了　人是不快樂　我的心真的受傷了

祗想一生跟你走
曲：巫啟賢 / 陳佳明 詞：劉卓輝 編：Aubrey Suwito

共你有過最美的邂逅
共你有過一些風雨憂愁
共你醉過痛過的最後
但我發覺想你不能沒有

在你每次抱怨的眼眸
像我永遠不懂給你溫柔
別再訴說我倆早已分手
像你教我傷心依然未夠

但你沒帶走 夢裡的所有
讓你走 為何讓你看不透

但求你未淡忘 往日舊情
我願默然帶著淚流 很想一生跟你走
就算天邊海角 多少改變
一生只有 風中追究 不想孤單的逗留
但求你未淡忘 往日舊情
我願默然帶著淚流 很想一生跟你走
在我心中的你 思海的你 今生不可不能沒有

愛的路上只有我和你
詞/曲：阿弟

不知道什麼時候　開始喜歡這裡　每個夜裡都會來這裡看你
你長得這麼美麗　叫我不能不看你　看不到你　我就迷失了自己
有時候你很調皮　總是讓我著急　一顆心　總是為你跳不停
只要一閉上眼睛　總有千百萬個你　你的影子裝滿我的腦海裡
不能夠不想你　也不能夠忘記你　總是在夢裡一直看到你
多想對你說句　我是真的愛你　對我的心不要再懷疑
好想牽你的手　走過風風雨雨　有什麼困難我都陪著你
直到天長地久　直到天荒地老　愛的路上只有我和你

it's been a really lousy week and that's part of the reason why i haven't been blogging. izzit pms or izzit juz me? *shrug* guess work at nokia has driven me crazy. my life is juz too routined. honestly, i miss those clubbing and mahjong days. not having to worry about any other things. i know that's an irresponsible thought but i juz wish life would be more interesting. juz a passing thought. no worries. there're more things i hafta put into consideration apart from my own happiness. my dreams and all others around me. much more than i can imagine. i can't juz give up as i wish. had too much faith in myself. thought i would be able to face everything. but deep inside, i'm breaking down. hafta admit that i'm not as strong as people think and i'm not as independent as i seem to be. it hurts and that makes me feel like putting down everything and run away. would rather choose to be the woman behind the successful man than to be a successful woman. but i realised that the former may not be easier than the latter. *sigh* why is life so complex? sometimes i juz wish to settle for a simple life. probably that would make living less complicated. but can i?

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium.In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high.You've loved, lost, and loved again.You have had a wide range of love experiences.And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium.You tend to be the one with more power.You aren't a total control freak in relationships..But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is low.You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low.This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships..It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have low agreeableness.Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism.It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is low.You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable.You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea.While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

came across the quiz from susan's blog. seems interesting. though i know such quizzes aren't 100% reliable, i still can't help but believe there's certain truth in them. been a few days since i blogged. nothing special nor exciting. life's been pretty monotonous. work, work and more work. my legs and back are aching from the long hours of standing. though it's nice to know that customers are happy with my recommendation and service, it's still not enough to make up for my tiredness. to make things worse, i feel that i'm pretty unappreciated. hafta agree that all that i'm doing is part of my job scope but it seems like people are taking it all for granted. *sulks* weekend was real crazy, especially saturday. the crowd in store seems never ending. but well, at least sales was good. argh! i wanna stop thinking about work. stresses me out totally. missing someone real badly. not only now but for the past few days. does he know? *shrug* wonder when he's not gonna be busy. not in the near future i believe. juz wanna shelf all my insecurities aside. it's not easy. been having frequent sleepless nights though i'm physically tired. my mind juz can't stop thinking. gonna try migrate to dreamland now. can't afford to fall sick. good night!

*tired* but wanna leave a post here in case you checked out the blog after work and wanna read something. didn't wanna disappoint you. felt kinda happy but i know it's only the beginning. got lots more work to do. motivated but yet am stressed yet again coz i really wanna see results. thanks for all the help and encouragement. most importantly, for not giving up on me all these while. juz a little secret (not anymore after i declare *bleah*) that i wanna share. was so reluctant to let go of your hand juz now (if you remember when). juz so tempted to keep holding on. *sigh* the very reason why i hesitated when you held out your hand. i knew i would melt. this is juz too scary coz i know i'm so gonna get hurt if anything goes wrong. is this juz an illusion? *shrug* to all those in mambo. sorry that i haven't been going but i've got important stuff to do. till i've got more time ya. promise i'll be there. it's another working day tomorrow. how upsetting. every single day at work, i juz pray for time to pass faster not that i hate my job. but juz for the very fact that i can see him after work. i'm juz so silly aren't i? guess my reason's becoming stronger. is that good or bad? i've absolutely no idea.

feeling excited that it's wednesday. reason? it's definitely not mambo that's making me feel this way. my 1st off day after i started full time with nokia. spent a week at parkway and seriously, i'm beginning to regret a little. the feeling is juz so different though my job scope is almost the same. i like my job but somehow, i'm juz not enjoying as much as when i did road shows and events. like i mentioned, there's no turning back. i can only make the best out of the situation. whatever it is, i'll give my best shot at whatever i do. i only wanna be the best and nothing less. the only comfort now is that i'm getting more comfy with my colleagues and i guess it'll be better in time to come. thanks gracie for taking the effort to visit me at my workplace on saturday. seeing you made me feel better though it's juz a short meeting. missed mambo for 2 consecutive weeks. wonder if anyone's missing me. *grins* honestly, i had my share of fun and attention at zouk, guess those memories are enough. nevertheless, i'm glad to have friends like jayce, sebastian, daniel, joanne, huiqing, mitchelle and the list goes on... for now, nothing else is more important than achieving my goals. nothing else except him maybe. *shrug* correct me if i'm wrong but i believe certain events tonight may have made you feel insecure. but trust me, no one else have the ability to close me except you. when i set my mind on something, i'll not give up till the end. geminis are fickle minded but they're stubborn too. for this matter, i know i'll hang on coz i know what i really want.

love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you

it's not that i have nothing to say but i guess actions speak louder than words. *smiles* thanks for everything. i love you. *muacks*

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