started mahjong at 4am. tsk tsk. contemplating to go home now but kinda lazy. it was a happy but busy tuesday. dropped by ntuc before coming back to hall. decided to buy a pint of icecream to pamper myself after such a long journey. haagen daz on sale! 9.85 per tub! hurry grab! but wait. rum & raisin or strawberry cheesecake? cant decide. both shall be it! haha. reached back hall at 4 plus. started on my small icecream fiest while consolidating some documents and updating the points. 2 tubs are really not enough. *sigh* supposed to meet jason at 8pm. but he only got back at 9 plus. good for me coz i haven finish the stuff either. meeting starting at 10 plus instead. lasted till 1am. came back to my room and do more work (was updating blog at the same time tho). received ryan's call and off i went to 62. a huge crowd was there: ryan, benny, fung chuan, anton, kelvin ho and quanrong?!? watching soccer and playing mahjong. supposed to share with ryan. heh. it's never a bad idea to do so. coz ryan seldom lose. *grins* in the end, we won 9 bucks. not too bad eh. anyway, i've decided to catch some sleep before going home. nite nite!

Sunday, February 20, 2005
got up at 11am to have breakfast. well, going out to play mahjong. so muz be good ger and wakey earlier. planned this mahjong session to make up for yesterday. but gonna play at susan's house for a change. adrian's gonna be late, so i took my own sweet time. wanted to take train but weather's too hot. took a cab instead. *grins* was the 1st person to get there. realised that marvin did not msg any of us, that sounds really bad. dropped him a msg and thank god! he's up already. adrian arrived not long after but we still couldn't start. ended up watching "you are the one" on vcr. marvin finally appeared after like 2 episodes of the drama and we could finally start. by then, i had already finished a bottle of cashew nuts (my favourite). so we started playing and eating (the latter applies to me only *laughs*). had "mua chi" and more cashew nuts. lady luck was smiling at me. cards were beautiful. and i won 30 plus after 2 rounds. adrian had to leave so susan and me had to find the last leg. got rejected by yvonne coz she "zhong se qing you", dunno go out with which guy. jeffrey had a date with his books already. ziwei already had enough rounds with his uncles. many many others couldn't make it. finally, found daniel the saviour but he could only reach in an hour. so we decided to have dinner 1st. steamboat. yes. dear susan ma prepared some cat food for her pet. after dinner, was my main course. carrefour's tiramisu icecream! hee. so daniel arrived and we continued our mahjong session. before we knew it, it's already 12am and i finished a bottle of candies (i was juz clearing stock for susan *winks*). packed up and headed home. *yawns* muz have a good sleep.

Saturday, February 19, 2005
got home at 7am after 2 rounds of mahjong with daniel and friends (eileen and regina if i din remember wrongly). *tired* jcrc meeting ended at 1am and i juz could not resist the temptation. guess im wrong about my luck changing for the better. lost 17 bucks and it's after dividing by 2. should have lost 35. maybe im not cut out to play 30-60. *laughs* excuses excuses excuses! but i dun care! *bleah* showered and went straight to bed. set my alarm at 1130am to be in time for "xun yi cao". must have missed my bed too much. slept through the alarm and got up at 1 plus instead. saw adrian's sms to play mahjong. really sorry that i had to turn him down coz got visiting to do (saturday's supposed to be reserved for mahjong with adrian). started to "nua" in the living room, watching tv, waiting for time to pass. dad finally came back and hafta drag myself out of the comfy position to get changed. as usual, i was the last to be ready and we headed to my cousin's condo at bukit batok. it's been a long time since i last saw my nephew. we never had the chance to meet up every time he comes back from england (at last!). chatted with my cousins and had a very heavy dinner. program after dinner? BLACKJACK! that's the tradition of the family. cleared the dining table and almost everyone sat around the table to play. well, i opted out coz was leaving for double o soon.

1st cousin: so you going to your boyfriend's place?

me: no boyfriend... how to go?

1st cousin: how can that be?

me: really dun have...

1st cousin: your expectations too high.

me: not me, it's the guys. *laughs*

typical conversation every cny gathering. anyway, it was time for me to go. took 5 mins to say tata to everyone and took a cab down to ms. and yes, long queue again! called david and managed to get in on guest list. *winks* glad i met kevin on the way up. if not, i'll be alone again. *sigh* retro's starting real late on saturday nites nowadays. time check: 1130pm. finally! the night started off well, nice songs. ziwei and his "colleagues" came after a while. he was all dressed up and my 1st thought: wat would jayce's comments be if he was here? *grins* it was an extremely warm night. got out of the dance floor at 2am. couldn't take the heat anymore. hanged around with the boys at double o till 3am and went to "lau pa sat" to get supper. interesting frens he's got. fun to hang out with i guess. ziwei sent us back at around 5am. sometimes feel really bad to make him drive so much, especially when he's tired and i had to go back hall. thanks pretty boy!

can't believe this. woke up at 2 this afternoon and im feeling sleepy already. miss my bed at home. *sobs* its a friday night and im stuck in hall coz of jcrc meeting. how no life! *sulks* went to catch dancetitude juz now. good dancers, nice figures, striking outfits but the choreography was a little off. anyway, really wish i can dance like them. so cool! well well, gotta go, someone's rushing. *pouts*

*grins* juz came back from a mahjong session again! thanks ryan for finding players for me and putting us up in your room. =) know you have a quiz later on, all the best! oh yes! we have a guest appearance! guess who??!!?? Mr Tan Chuan Yang! everyone was so surprised that he was one of the players. anyway, wanna play coz it was a super boring night and in hope of a change in luck. my effort finally paid off. ended my losing streak since the eve of cny! luck wasn't too good at the beginning but started to change towards the end, to be precise, after "someone" left. *laughs* shan't mention any names. i actually "zi mo" thirteen wonders! but my winnings were used to pay off my previous debts. alrite, gotta go catch my beauty sleep already, people are asking about the dark rings.

oh my! juz came back from zouk as usual. feeling a little light headed. drank quite abit tonite. hope i wun break out in rashes again tmr. dun wanna take jab. =( well, saw him again and i realised that i still find him attractive. yes yes.. especially when he dances with jayce. think i'm a little crazy here, but who cares?!? i was really tempted to strike a conversation with him tonite, but guess the worry of being ignored by him overcame all temptations. seriously, if i can turn back time, i will still wanna know him. seeing him being approached by other gers juz remind me of myself. how silly. shrug, i wonder if i'll be better off if i can let him go.*sigh*

*yawn* so sleepy. juz finished 2 rounds of mahjong with ryan and gang. wonder if it's coz i'm too greedy or i'm really down on my luck or ryan is juz too good for my standard? *grins* have been on a losing streak since the beginning of cny. well, maybe i should stop playing? *laughs* don't think i'll be able to resist the temptations. maybe i should pray hard for my luck to change for the better? i seriously hope it does.

Valentines Day is over. finally. i simply don't understand why everyone thinks i have a date this year. been asked countless times how i'll be celebrating. *laughs* waited in vain for the right one to ask me out on this special day. in the end, i gave up on the eve of valentines day and decided to date my "lesbian partner", susan. as expected, she already had a date with her "boyfriend" *winks* and i asked to tag along (how thick-skinned, but i can't be bothered). it was a pleasant surprise tho to get a stalk of rose from someone (you know who you are *smiles*). thanks dear dear. *hugs*

Monday, February 14, 2005
was snuggling in bed with baby minnie till 11 plus and decided to make my way to medical centre. *grins* came back to hall and continued to nua till 3 plus. went jp with my dates where we watched "Constantine". quite a crap show, not as good as i thought it would be. got to know that susan actually likes sweet popcorn and yvonne likes salted. it's been a long time since i ate popcorn, prefer nachos actually. anyway, we proceed to have our dinner at the foodcourt. wow! guess it's one of the rare times when we actually don't have much trouble in finding seats. it's really amazing that every single resturant at jp actually had a considerably long queue. went walk walk after dinner for the food to digest. our last stop was andersens ice cream where we waited for like 15 mins to get a table (that was another record). all of us had a sundae each. ate rum, cookies & cream and macadamia caramel. no haagen daz, andersens oso not bad. made our way back to hall and i began my routine of checking mails and keying points. *sigh*

it would be a lie if i said i din think of him. and yes, silly me couldn't resist and dropped him a sms at 10 plus wishing him a happy st valentines. as usual, no replies.

it's been a real busy cny and i wonder why. supposed to be a happy new year but it doesn't feel that way and i wonder why. *sigh* seriously, i have no idea what i really want now, priorities not set, nothing is done. i juz can't seem to be serious about life, about work. i juz can't seem to get over him. seeing him at zouk again make me realised that i do still feel for him, much as i hate him for ignoring me. if only he'll lemme know why he's giving me such treatment. izzit gonna take another guy that mean alot to me to forget him? why does history like to repeat? yes, i agree i'm silly, but what to do, that's me, wonder when i'll ever learn. wonder if the increase in frequency of clubbing gotta do with him? *laughs* but i'm enjoying all the clubbing while i can. this issue is gonna be never ending, at least for now. for people out there who's getting my mood swings, i'm sorry. oh yes! Happy Valentines' Day to me!

Our final pyramid!

the cheerleaders!

guess this post should have been up 2 weeks back. been rather busy lately that i din haf time to blog. well well, never expect myself to be in cheerleading at all, not to even say enjoy my days as a cheerleader. it was quite an experience indeed. got to know a bunch of friends whom i know will be there when i fall and i mean literally fall. *grins* for the 2-3 weeks of training, we shared joy and tears: gossip sessions, failure of stunts, enduring pain, overcoming fears... no doubt it was tough and disappointing at times, we've pulled through as a team and gave our best shot on the 13th January. who would have thot a pyramid that we've never succeed in forming during our training actually went up and held there for at least 5 secs! the satisfaction and elation cant be put down in words. happiness shot through all of us. though we did not win anything for the night, but well, we did our best and that's enough. what matters is the process and not the end results. to me, we're all champions! great job cheerleaders!

The feeling really sux! Big time! Never in my life have I been so unlucky. Can't believe there could be so many 'coincidenceS' in one night. While dancing on the platform on Saturday night at Double O, saw a familiar figure. Realised that it was the guy I've been longing to forget upon closer look. Did not expect to see him there at all. He never did frequent the place. Took out my handphone and dropped him a msg. No reply as expected. However, not long after, he appeared on the dance floor with his new found ger fren. *sigh* Surprisingly, it did not hit me that hard seeing him dancing so intimately with her. My night was further spoilt by the technical fault which lasted for almost 15 mins! After the music resumed, I was in no mood to dance at all. Who would have expect me to bump into him while leaving the dance floor. He was juz there! Right beside me! I quickened my pace and almost broke into a run. Juz as I thot I will not see him anymore, he came out of the door with her again while I was deciding where to go next with Grace. I could not believe my luck! Or rather, the lack of it. It was the last straw when he walked past me a 2nd time in the opposite direction. After this fateful night, I thought that all my feelings for him were gone. But guess I was wrong, seeing him again at mambo tonight was kinda upsetting. I dunno why, but I juz cant help but feel the heartache. I'm so useless. I actually msged him to tell him that I miss him. Wonder why I did that. He would not be bothered anyway. I'm such a big fool. *sigh*

*sigh* feel like a total idiot! got played out by sumone whom i trusted so much. i really thot he was serious, he was so nice to me, it was really like a dream cum true. after quanrong, i nv felt this way before. shrug, if he had been honest and tell me it was a fling he was looking for, i would haf played along, but he din. that's wat pissed me off the most i guess. it's really a lousy feeling to be put ur feelings into a relationship and get nothing in the end. shd really nv trust a clubber. and im beginning to believe in retribution. prob i shd juz stop being so mean to other guys? i mite get good return? i've learnt a lesson, the hard way.

Why is everything getting so complicated? I HATE politics!!! Maybe it's time I retire and start mugging. I really see no point in getting myself so involved in hall and in the end, I dun get appreciated at all. I dun trust anyone anymore. I should have seen it coming. The both of them are juz too self centred. Even if I get into the com, I will not be happy. *sigh*

*sigh* I'm really confused. Dunno what's wrong with me. Am I serious about this new guy? Or izzit that he's interesting in a different way that I'm attracted to him? I feel very bad. I can feel history repeating itself. I know it's unfair to the ger, but I just can't help it. I dunno how to make the choice, it's just too tough a decision.

It's been a month or so since I last posted something here.  A lot of things have changed. People came into my life and left. Guess it's been quite an experience. But for such experience, once is more than enough. I'm seriously wondering if I had committed to the relationship out of impulse. Am I back to what I was in secondary school days? Oh dear! I'm not that young anymore. Maybe I'm regretting this a little. But well, I would never have proved myself right if I hadn't taken that step back then. Now, I can't be more sure that age does matters a lot in a relationship. *sigh* Wish I had been more convinced.

Have I done wrong? or am I juz being silly? I noe he can't commit to me, but I juz can't help it, coz I love him so much. I guess he feels really bad now, this is not wat I wanna see. I did wat I did out of love. Sounds crazy? But that's how i feel. Juz wish that things between us will not change for I noe I can't live life without him.

im feeling so tired. haven cried out loud like tis for quite sum time. my eyes are gonna be so swollen. im really upset. couldn't believe that he actually asked to borrow my credit card number to buy flowers for another ger. maybe he doesn't understand me at all. it was a happy nite. went to watch "Troy" with him. nice but sad show. everything was fine till he asked. he kept saying that he doesn't want me to be sad, he dun wanna see me cry, but all these while, the only person who made me upset n tear is him. he loves me as a fren n doesn't wanna lose me. but i dun wanna to be juz a fren. *sigh* he told me who his gf is and in return, i promised not to breathe a word to anyone else. oh god! it's a lousy feeling! and i guess i noe y is tt so. life sux! i wish i can juz lose my memory foreva! let me juz rem my parents, grace and shirleen for they are whom i noe will always be by my side encouraging me always.

It's Sad tO belOng tO sOmeOne when the right One cOmes alOng

*sigh* sumtimes it's not really too good to be too observant eh. wat will you do if u realised that ur good fren's boyfriend is kinda heading towards the wrong direction? and the ger happens to be sumone both ur fren and you noe. and both parties are kinda close. it's really a tough case rite? i guess silence is the best policy now. but wat i will least wanna see is the whole thing turns ugly or if everyone falls out. im praying hard that it's juz my imagination running wild.

Juz listened to the album . I wonder how true the stories are. But it does not matter, coz they haf touched me. What is love? Why izzit so difficult to forget sumone I truly love? Its silly to continue to wait for sumone tt will nv turn back. All tt he's doing for me now is purely for a FREN tt he cares abt. All these I noe, but why am I still so stubborn?

Yi Pian Ye Zi Yao Li Kai Ta Chang Qi Yi Lai De Shu, Hao Yong Gan Wor...

Ye Zi De Li Kai, Shi Feng De Zhui Qiu? Hai Shi Shu De Bu Wan Liu?