2010年4月25日 没有王仕捷的第一百六十五天

Won't Go Home Without You by Maroon 5

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of your breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake
The weight of things that remained unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

2010年4月20日 没有王仕捷的第一百六十天

Too Hopeful

him : "you're too hopeful about us."
me : "i'm not!"

yingyi : "you're always so hopeful."
me : *speechless*

*sigh* am i really being too hopeful about me and him? though i've been hurt by the truth time and again, i still wanna believe i would be able to move him one day. silly isn't it? much as i want to trust his words that he's not attached, i believe there's someone that he's attracted to at the moment. guess he probably find it hard to break the news to me for fear of my reaction to it. i really want him to be honest with me and i promise to be as cool about it as i can be. will he confess? maybe they're right about him being too busy with work, but maybe he's juz too busy dating someone else.

Chicago The Musical


attended the musical with yingyi on saturday. it was fantastic! i wouldn't mind going a 2nd time if someone or anyone needs a date. *hint hint*

Dinner with Da Jie


it was a great night out with da jie at liquid kitchen. miss the old times when we used to have so much fun working together. many things have changed since, but we're still the same old us. =)

2010年4月16日 没有王仕捷的第一百五十六天

彼此的距离似乎越来越远，就好像活在不同的世界。
希望是我太多心，太多疑。
他在我心中已落地生根，相信没人能取代他的地位。
或许我真的中毒太深， 无法自拔。

M1 lollipops made my long and tiring day =)

2010年4月12日 没有王仕捷的第一百五十二天

带我走 杨丞琳

每次我总一个人走
交叉路口 自己生活
这次你却说等我走
某个角落 就你和我

像土壤抓紧花的迷惑
像天空缠绵雨的汹涌 在你的身后
计算的步伐 每个背影 每个场景
都有发过的梦

带我走 到遥远的以后
带走我 一个人自转的寂寞
带我走 就算我的爱 你的自由都将成为泡沫
我不怕 带我走

每次我总独自远走
保持缄默 不皱眉头
这次你却说一起走
彼此温柔 从此以后

像土壤抓紧花的迷惑
像天空缠绵雨的汹涌 在你的身后
计算的步伐 每个背影 每个场景
都有发过的梦

带我走 到遥远的以后
带走我 一个人自转的寂寞
带我走 就算我的爱 你的自由都将成为泡沫
我不怕 带我走

白马溜过漆黑尽头
潮汐袭来浪花颤动
凝在海岸结成了墨

蔷薇朝向草原气球
邮差传来一地彩虹
刻在心中拍打着脉搏

带我走 到遥远的以后
带走我 一个人自转的寂寞
带我走 就算我的爱 你的自由都将成为泡沫
我不怕 带我走

"真希望他能够带我走
我会无怨无悔地跟着他
就算不能够到永远
我会珍惜曾经拥有"

爱心水壶，巧克力 =）

2010年4月8日 没有王仕捷的第一百四十八天

好久没有他的消息。
在他的世界里，似乎已经没有了我的空间。
心痛已到极点。
或许是时候放弃，但我始终没有勇气。

2010年3月29日 没有王仕捷的第一百三十八天

doing my best to keep myself occupied by planning all sorts of activities, including taking up the drivers role at NTU run round singapore 36 hours event. much as i try to not think of him, deep down inside, i know i miss him juz too much. little things like pumping petrol at serangoon gardens shell station, seeing pocky on the shelves anywhere, dancing to the songs at mambo, would juz remind me of him. no doubt it's silly, but i juz couldn't help it. everyday, i would check my mail to see if he's replied, but it's been disappointing for the past week. *sigh* maybe he's busy again. hope he's surviving or survived the bad weather in beijing.

2010年3月11日 没有王仕捷的第一百二十天

Sixth sense or woman's instinct? I somehow had the hunch that he's back in town and would surprise all of us last night. I was right! Swear I didn't read his email till I got home from mambo. Maybe this is what is called telepathy? =) a good one.

It was a usual night with the boys coming in late again, due to mahjong and not school work. Kes and me tried a new drink on the menu (which I had forgotten the name) and a beer. Feeling bored, we decided to head out to look for Sofian, only to find out that he wasn't working. When we were back at the entrance of members, Kes went 'Is that...' and I finished the sentence for him 'Jay', and he continued 'and...', 'Jerald!' I exclaimed. It was a great big surprise and coincidence that both of them are back the same period. *beams* I texted the boys excitedly about the duo's presence. They arrived shortly after and we had a good time catching up with Jay buying a round of drinks for everyone.

The night passed with the usual gang heading out to wine bar at the 'stipulated' time and Jerald leaving early as per normal. Hope he gets to transit again real soon. After a few rounds of drinks at wine bar, we went back to the dancefloor at 145 as Marcus did not want to miss his Bad Romance again. Well, I did not get to dance to the song (if Byden spinned) as I left around 215 with him. Don't tsk tsk me, can't help that I've got a soft spot for him.

On my way to Suntec City now for IT Show. Guess why I can blog while travelling? Traffic jam? Nope. Coz i'm on bus 133! *laughs* good time to blog and it's time to alight! Gonna try my luck at asking him out for dinner. *crossing my fingers* Hope he's available.

2010年3月2日 没有王仕捷的第一百十一天

Right Kind of Wrong by LeAnn Rimes

I know all about
about your reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
Every time that I'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it any more
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Loving you, That isn't really something I should do
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Ya, baby you're the right kind of wrong

It might be a mistake
A mistake I'm making
But what you're giving I am happy to be taking
Cause no one's ever made me feel
The way I feel when I'm in your arms
They say you're something I should do without
They don't know what goes on
When the lights go out
There's no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain
Loving you, That isn't really something I should do
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Ya, baby you're the right kind of wrong

I should try to run but I just can't seem to
'Cause every time I run you're the one I run to
Can't do without what you do to me
I don't care if I'm in too deep

2010年2月23日 没有王仕捷的第一百零四天

'The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment' - nina's current facebook status.

i so agree with this statement. asked myself this question many times, 'what am i expecting from him?'. it would be a lie to answer nothing, but there's really nothing to expect, or rather i shouldn't expect anything. no doubt, i'm doing everything because he's the one, the one i love, the one i care about. his commitment would be the best reward for all that i've done, but that's almost zero probability. i'm not worried that he's not going to commit, but i'm scared of him leaving me one day, for good.

2010年2月22日 没有王仕捷的第一百零三天

seriously, i hate to work with people who are just plain stupid. i admit that i'm being biased, but he has not done anything to prove his worth. honestly, he's got an assistant for training stuff, which is almost the only thing he has in his portfolio. i don't see how busy he can get. i suppose if he could give up some time shopping at suntec with his wife and kid during lunch hour, he would be able to finish his job? past events has made me despise him, i don't have any respect for people who back-stab and worse, tries to be a nice person after thinking people are silly enough to believe him again. please, put your pea brain into whatever use it has. once bitten, twice shy. for all that you've done (not to me yet), i'll never ever trust you (i shouldn't have on what juz happened). you're juz giving me more reasons to believe that you're not worth the promotion, you're juz plain lucky to have gotten the post with the almost zero qualifications you have. or maybe not as lucky as others who has gotten a better offer in another company or born in a more well-off family. if they're still around, you can forget about being where you are today.

2010年2月19日 没有王仕捷的第一百天

*beams* was really happy to see him at mambo. never thought i would miss someone so much, never expected myself to have him on my mind all these while. kept myself really busy this CNY as i knew he's not gonna have time for me. i juz hope i would be able to meet up with him before he leaves next tuesday.

2010年2月7日 没有王仕捷的第八十八天

yay! he should be back for CNY! i'm happy!

ice bomb

ingredients for the above concoction: raspberry vodka, mandarin vodka, vodka and sprite. with compliments from marcus who wanted to try something new. potent but surprisingly smooth drink.

2010年2月2日 没有王仕捷的第八十三天

my work station has upgraded! from this..

to this!

i'm pretty happy and contented with my new desk and the location. =)

singtel CNY soft toys

me @ dempsey

a very random post, true reflection of my everyday life. i'm missing him..

2010年1月26日 没有王仕捷的第七十六天

much as i would want to believe that he is busy with work, much as i would want to convince myself that he does not have time to reply my text, much as i would want to not brood over this issue, i could not help but feel upset. i have not heard from him for more than a week, since the last i saw him in town. i feel i'm beginning to lose the battle, the battle to fight against falling in love; i'm beginning to lose faith, lose faith in myself to move on.

2010年1月24日 没有王仕捷的第七十四天

夜了为什么还不想睡除了你我还在思念谁
我并不是害怕黑寂寞却喜欢把整个我包围
好想再重新和你爱一回让伤心的回忆通通都给化成灰
曾对你说没爱无所谓其实自己脆弱不知道应怎么面对

故意在街上给冷风吹等着你来温暖我心扉
终于也掉下眼泪爱情不知不觉的不翼而飞
请你永远都把我麻醉那不用醒后日日夜夜为你心碎
你的爱曾经是绝对我一辈子都会为我的愚昧而后悔

2010年1月17日 没有王仕捷的第六十七天

It's been a happy week coz he came back for a short visit. Pleasant surprise from him indeed as mentioned earlier this month. I'm glad that I managed to catch him this round since he would most probably not be back for Chinese New Year. Though I parted with him for less than 24 hours, I'm missing him already. Hope he'll get to be back again soon.

p.s. i like his new car registration number. =)

2010年1月11日 没有王仕捷的第六十一天

me and banks! find myself staring at the primary school me inside the mirror. i need to add life to this new year and decided to start with my hair. i actually love my new look, a nice change to a good start, i hope. interestingly, my parents are so amused by the short fringe that both of them can't stop grinning at my new hairdo.

finally, i decided to edit my facebook relationship status. i'm single! yeaps.. i'm hoping this would make me come to terms with him, not as a friend but the complicated relationship that we have. i doubt it will work but it is worth a try. i've thought about it. i really treasure him as a friend, and i hope we can be good friends. maybe, juz maybe, i'm afraid that i'll lose him if i continue to love him that i would rather be platonic friends with him. deep inside, i do wish things would work out between us. however, after the talk i had with him on the last day of 2009, it sort of make me realise that it's impossible for the both of us to be together, at least for him it is.

2010年1月7日 没有王仕捷的第五十七天

Ridiculous Episode

i'm not surprised that people would find out. i guessed as much that it would spread like wild fire. i know the whole episode is my fault. seriously, half of me was out to have fun, the other half was upset with someone else and decided on a rash move. yes, i admit i'm a selfish slut on this and did not think of the consequences. i juz find this whole thing blowing out of proportion. i wasn't looking for trouble. that's why i'm upset with how things turned out. if you can't afford to play this game, juz too bad. i don't care how those people see me and what they say coz they're not even my friends to start with. Also, i did not let any of my friends know of what happened coz it was unnecessary to stir more trouble and not that im ashamed of what i did. it was all in the name of fun, don't have to involve 'the whole world' as it's not of their concern.

Favourite Snack from Philippines


thanks to gerard for bringing the much loved local snacks from philippines. =)

missing the one in hong kong...

2010年1月5日 没有王仕捷的第五十五天

there're juz too much emotions running through me, i've no idea how to put them down at all. i wish i have an outlet to release all that i've been keeping inside me.

2009年12月31日 没有王仕捷的第五十天

i've crashed. life seems to have come to a standstill. i should have woken up from this dream earlier. i know what i have to do and what is best for me - move on, but i clearly do not wish to do so. things were made clear right from the start and his stand on our relationship has never changed. i'm juz so wrong in thinking that i could change this fact, or rather, i started to believe that i succeeded which is so not true. i brought this upon myself. much as i want to take a step back and plan for the road ahead, i juz can't bring myself to give him up.

2009年12月30日 没有王仕捷的第四十九天

I miss Hong Kong;
Miss my favourite yummy egg tarts;
Miss the shopping;
Miss not having to work;
Miss him being by my side every morning when i wake up;
Miss the breakfast he prepares;
Miss waiting for him to get off work;
Miss spending time with him;
I miss HIM...

2009年12月29日 没有王仕捷的第四十八天

爱心早餐

表面上装得再坚强，也无法抹掉心中的不舍得。

在过去的七天，我找到了幸福。

能和喜欢的人同住一个屋檐下，一起生活，真的好开心。

他是否有在挂念着我？

分隔两地的滋味真不好受。

2009年12月20日 没有王仕捷的第三十九天

从台湾回来之后，心总觉得有点不踏实。
虽然再过两天就是我所期待已久的香港之旅，但我开始有点迟疑。
担心我们之间有所改变，担心我们不能像从前一样。
或许是我多疑，但我真的无法平服我的心情。

2009年12月8日 没有王仕捷的第二十七天

people change, and so do relationships. i juz wish ours wouldn't.

2009年12月7日 没有王仕捷的第二十六天

好想知道他的近况。
好想拨通电话，听听他的声音。
好想能马上飞到他的身边。
好想知道他是否也有想念我。

mum and dad came home with them on saturday. the red one is called 红龟果 and the yellow one is called 金钱龟. i chose to keep 金钱龟 as it matches my wall colour. they brighten up the dark room with moon and stars in the night, really lovely. it's a pity i couldn't get an image of it to upload.

2009年12月2日 没有王仕捷的第二十一天

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还想你
我很不服气也开始怀疑
眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气
暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

2009年11月28日 没有王仕捷的第十七天

The Girls

The Thorn

it's been a while since we had a gathering and i finally met up with my JC team-mates cum gossip-mates. janice, PP plus hubby and i mahjong-ed one and three quarter rounds at the couple's house before heading to timbre as planned. did not finish the game as we were running late for our reservation. tho it's a pity that many could not join us, we had our utmost fun throughout the day and night. as usual, janice and boon tong are forever squabbling for no reason and provided much entertainment for the rest. delicious pizza and yummy tapas plus good company, what more can i ask for? the night ended with supper at geylang G7. *beams*

在过去的一年里，你似乎已成为我生命的一部分。
没了你的陪伴，生活仿佛缺少了些什么。
就算只是经过我们常去的地方，你就会出现在我脑海。
或许我已戒不掉你这个习惯。。。

p.s. wednesday's mambo was fantastic!

2009年11月23日 没有王仕捷的第十二天

was watching mediacorp drama serial on channel 8. coincidentally, one of the guys in the show is named jay. decided to drop him a text on his prepaid number. really hope i've not been a bother the past week. though he doesn't reply most of the time, i juz want him to know that i'm here thinking of him.

2009年11月19日 没有王仕捷的第八天

using competitors' products

for once, i have to agree with the management. it isn't right to use competitors' products during working hours. however, below are debatable points regarding this issue.

1. if the company doesn't carry a certain product, it would be fine to use competitors'?
2. promoters are not issued with the latest products to use as demo devices, carrying outdated handsets doesn't serve much purpose, does it? if promoters have to buy their own handsets for personal use, i don't see why they can't get competitors'.
3. it would be good to hands-on rather than just going through training after training (ie. brainwashing) how good our own products are as compared to competitors'. it is easier to convince consumers that our products are more superior if you had used competitors' and made a comparison. using competitors' products doesn't deminish our confidence we have for our own! if i sell fish soup and i try out other stalls, it doesn't mean that i think my fish soup is not good, it simply means i want to try how others' fish soup taste.

dedicated to my SCs...

无论再多的节目，无论再忙，我还是无法不想他。
时间仿佛慢了下来， 使我终于明白度日如年的感觉。

2009年11月15日 没有王仕捷的第四天

心情好比天气一样，是阴霾的。
很努力把每天的时间表排得满满的，一心不让自己有多余的时间胡思乱想。
时间一天一天地过，我对他的想念一天一天地加深。

2009年11月12日 没有王仕捷的第一天

我最不期待的今天终于到了。
他，在一个小时前乘搭飞机离开了。

内心挣扎了好久。
但因为害怕，我始终没到机场去。
害怕会不经意地落泪，更害怕会碰到不想知道的真相。

虽然朋友都说，六个星期的时间一眨眼就会过去，我还是无法说服自己。
真希望时间能够快一些， 真希望因分开的想念能够少一些。

Yager Bomb

last night's music was superb! tony and byden spinned many of the regulars' favourites which haven't been heard for a long time. it's probably one of the mambos which the percentage of time spent on the dance floor compared to at wine bar is the highest. *grins* despite the fact that i totally enjoyed dancing to the songs and had fun through the night, i was pretty upset as it was his farewell.

him: so i'll see you in hong kong.
me: *pushes away from his hug in shock* don't want!
him: you don't wanna go anymore?
me: that's like so far away. i'm gonna miss you.
him: it's only a month.

how is 22nd december a month away from now?! *speechless*

What is the real purpose of a team building trip? I'm under the impression that it is to foster stronger bonds through activities.
1. I do not think that wasting time travelling by coach would in any way achieve the goal. Not as if people are gonna communicate much during the journey. Not as if there're gonna be any interactive games (only games people play would be on their psp, ds lite or iTouch) carried out on the coach. Majority would be engaged in the activity callled sleeping. Why can't we be more time efficient and travel by flight? Time = money isn't it?
2. After travelling for 6 hours (ONE way), the activities we gonna do can be carried out on siloso beach, or even east coast park at that. How not interesting? If the so-called team building activities are bound to the location, it gives one less reason for this argument.
3. This is personal. I don't want to go KL! There's nothing worth to shop, no scenic views! What's left is only a lousy, run-down and under-maintained theme park! What's the catch?

the clock is ticking and my heart is sinking. the day is approaching too soon. never thought it would be this fast. too many farewell lunches and dinners to have time for me. guess i've been too busy to have taken notice of the time that was slipping through. i'm not sure of the road ahead. the future is uncertain, at least mine is. this process is juz too painful, too much for me to bear.

Happy Birthday Shirleen dear!
juz wanna let you know that you're badly missed. have a great time wherever you are! glad you managed to solve the issue. enjoy!

Like a Prayer

I should be so Lucky

Teaching Segment

Co-instructor, Jay

The Mambo Regulars

it was a wonderful performance on wednesday. thanks to all who came down to support. i truly enjoyed the whole show despite being physically and mentally drained. the response we got from everyone made up for it. all the time and effort put in over the past 5 months have paid off. based on esplanade's count, there were over 1000 in the audience with 800 engaged. i'm really proud of the whole team. been a great experience working with all of you. the show would not have been possible (not to mention a success *beams*) if not for each and every of your commitment. for the benefit of those who missed the performance, here is the link to our finale item. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtxNEpGLfBc

this is what i've been burning my weekends for over the past 4 months. *beams* i'm glad everything is falling in place as planned and the show will be up and running on the 28 October at the Esplanade Forecourt.

it's been a great experience for me. from forming the team, getting everyone together, fitting into each others' schedule, choosing the performance songs, standardising and even coming up with our very own creation for the moves, choreographing our own mixes and to the costumes selection. each and every single one of us had contributed to the above to have made this show possible. nothing comes easy. we went through bad times but i'm sure all of us learnt something from them.

apologies for my multiple tantrums (most of the time, if not all) and thank you for putting up with it. i believe the team has built a bond amongst us unknowingly and we have definitely grown closer together. all the fun, laughter and sweat we had at smu (sometimes nus and once sph) will always be remembered.

thank you chock for mixing our sets. thank you ben who is always sourcing for our practice venue in smu. thank you kes for always being there to give us your advice and support. thank you everyone for taking time off from your busy schedule to make it for training. it's the final lap, 10 days to actual performance and 3 more practice sessions. you have made it possible and you will make it a success!

there is always two sides to a coin. we cannot change how others think, we can only prove them wrong.

facebook is a gauge of work efficiency. the more time you have for it, the more efficient you are. seriously, i do not see any issues with logging on to facebook during working hours. condition is, deadline met. so long as work is done on time, why can't people facebook in office? honestly, who is more appreciated? staff who can't even complete simple tasks and act busy in office or staff who are competent but on facebook all the time? if people can be surfing non-work related websites in office, why is facebook the exception? it's a pointless debate.

it's exactly a year since you left. you're still deeply missed.

<我恨我爱你>

面带微笑离开你怀里
我听天由命
最后一张王牌在手里
二选一的机率
不能放纵爱你
就放过自己

爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而以
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可怜兮兮

都怪我太不争气
我恨我爱你
oh... 我爱你
只是因为你是你
oh... 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的...

新恋情

birthday pressie for my beloved =)

25 September 2009

it was an excuse for me to take a day off from boring work. the pressie was completed juz before noon and i headed to plaza singapura to run some errands before picking him up from his office. drove down to shaw centre for the massage session that i had booked at the ultimate. the reception area was nicely done up and the service was good. however, i must add that the rooms and the skills of the masseurs are not as fantastic. as he needed to settle urgent matters back in office, i went home to take a short rest before meeting him again at clarke quay for dinner. as expected, he arrived an hour late and i'm surprised by myself that i wasn't the least bit irritated. i really like the place not only for the ambience but also the food. it must have been the best steak i've ever had. the beef was juicy and done to my liking. the steakhouse by esmirada is highly recommended.

Obsessive-compulsive Disorder

Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce anxiety, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety, or by combinations of such thoughts and behaviors. The symptoms of this anxiety disorder range from repetitive hand-washing and extensive hoarding to preoccupation with sexual, religious, or aggressive impulses. These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional and economic loss. Although the acts of those who have OCD may appear paranoid and come across to others as psychotic, OCD sufferers often recognize their thoughts and subsequent actions as irrational, and they may become further distressed by this realization.

OCD is the fourth most common mental disorder and is diagnosed nearly as often as asthma and diabetes mellitus. The phrase "obsessive-compulsive" has become part of the English lexicon, and is often used in an informal or caricatured manner to describe someone who is meticulous, perfectionistic, absorbed in a cause, or otherwise fixated on something or someone. Although these signs are often present in OCD, a person who exhibits them does not necessarily have OCD, and may instead have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), an autism spectrum disorder or some other condition.

judging from the above description and image, i seriously do not think i have OCD. Neat freak is a more suitable term. *bleah* honestly, this is pretty messy by my standards. i've recently refurbished my room and got a three-door wardrobe, still a little far from my dream walk-in but i'm happy. *smiles*

ice skating escapade in April 2009

this girl plays a prominent role in my life. she's always so full of surprises and ideas that i can never keep up with. glad that she's enjoying her trip with her muffin.


my dear dear who's always there for me. i always believe that things never worked out between us coz i know him too well for his own good. *bleah*

are insecurities and low-confidence co-related? they probably are. i hate to admit this but i'm so tempted to pick up the phone to drop him a text. no reason to do so, but need there be a reason to do so? *sigh* emo monster is creeping up on me once again. missing him...

definition of a girl's boy

honestly, there is no fixed definition of a girl's boy. i suppose it varies from girl to girl what each of them want and what would satisfy them. besides, most girls are fickle minded and hence their demands probably change from time to time. i'm beginning to sound like the other species here. but hey, at times, i do feel that there's certain truth to the former (juz like how i would agree that majority of the female drivers are road hazards, including myself *bleah*).

over the past week, there was not juz once, but a few times when people around me comment that i would make a very nice guy or statements along the same line. it makes me wonder if i really do have the characteristics of a good boyfriend. seriously, being a lesbian once, it did occur to me if i could really sway to the other side. i love doing things for the one i like, doing things which others deem to be out of the way or sweet. to me, it's juz my way of showing care and concern. *shrug* i guess i'll never want to be the boyfriend as there're times when i need to be pampered, need to be showered with TLC (tender loving care). i'm better off being the girlfriend who's like the boyfriend. =)

The Team of Three - 大姐, me and Best Friend

those were the happy days. things are juz not gonna be the same, never will be. changes for the past 3 months have exceeded the changes for the past 3 years and this is not the end (note that the numbers are not exaggerated). however, the situation may not be as bad as it seems, especially for those who left. i'm so missing having 大姐around to give me advice and to 挡风遮雨. i'm so gonna miss best friend who's always so supportive of me and always there to lend me a listening ear to bitch. reporting to office will become a real dread after next week. *sigh*

shouldn't i be sleeping?

can't hold back my temper any longer. prejudiced or not? i don't care. i simply don't like the way how one can back up for another for no good or apparent reason. evil and selfish? yes, that's me! i'm sure i can do much better than her but you juz want to help her keep her job. you said she cannot commit 100% because of her other job scope. since she can't cope, i offered to take over. it would ease communication, reduce lag time and minimize loss in information. why should i bother myself with this in the 1st place? i'm not getting a pay rise nor promotion for doing additional work. i juz simply don't understand what is so difficult about clicking the 'forward' button of outlook. it's not as simple as it seems and i agree! but that's what she has been doing! i know i was at fault for raising my voice at you and i'm sorry for being rude. please do reflect if you had been over-protective of her as well. if i'm the only one feeling this way, it might be my problem. but if 10 others feel the same way, i believe the process needs to be reviewed. it's time for me to move on. counting down...

steamboat at bugis with serena, joshua, agnes, john and dear princess nina. seems to be our favourite meeting place for dinner. *grins* really miss the times working together. i wonder why working with them is so much happier and easier? i guess there're no conflict of interest and that's why. i suppose we had build up a strong bond over the years that is hard to break.

atmosphere at home is still a little tense. mum seems to have gotten better but i've yet to figure out the truth behind her weird behaviour. i'm on the verge of giving up and i'm escaping from it. staying out later than usual everyday so that i do not have to face her without dad and minimise contact is my strategy. her long note had a huge impact on me. i know i have to stay strong but i don't know how much longer i can hold out.

there're juz too much things on my mind which i wanna throw out. i only want to fill my mind with happy memories. i realise i'm becoming more dependant on him and that's not a good sign. i'm missing him more and more. couldn't believe i would do this much for him. i do not expect anything in return. think i'm falling, falling deep...

iPhone Craze

i know i'm slow but i received my 3GS yesterday! it's been a long wait. can't decide what to do with it now that i've laid my hands on one. excited as i can be, i've yet to take it out of the package. i'm not in need of a phone considering the numerous handsets i carry with me. it's the IN thing which everyone has, so i must own it as well (even if it's just for a day *laughs*). must have been an overdose of reading bimbotic blogs that caused this silliness. much as i wanna keep it, it's hard to resist the temptations of making a profit of more than 100%. i'm loving my iPhone 3GS!

Shirleen

took leave yesterday for shirleen's 'farewell'. she's flying off early next friday morning with kee for their 4 months backpacking trip. i'm so gonna miss her. went cycling at east coast park in the late morning. it was a great 2 hours ride though we got caught in drizzle twice. headed down to de coder's cafe at balmoral plaza for another 3 hours of board games session. we were introduced to 2 new games and i was the all-time loser! grr.. it was all in the name of fun! as expected, hazel and grace couldn't join us for dinner last minute and hence we went ahead with our wine and cheese plan after our light dinner packed from gardens market. chilled out at shirleen's till late with jay and jerald joining us past midnight.

他回来了，但我却还是那么苦恼。心情总有些忐忑不安，似乎就快面临崩溃。夜深人静时，总是不经意地想起他。这一切即将结束。或许那时不应该放纵，让自己深深地爱上他，又一次一次地舍不得放手。我真的很想他。

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味
你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

曾经我以为我自己会后悔
不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪
为你做任何改变
也唤不回你对我的坚决

It was my mistake to have not made it clear. Like i said, i was amused by your inability to read between lines. My foul mood was triggered by things far more important than this. Do not overestimate yourself. It does not matter what you think of me as your opinion is worthless to me. I'm confident of myself and of what i am and how i look. Oh.. By the way, i don't need to forgo louis vuitton even if i have to go for plastic surgery. You probably can't afford and that's why you need to give up the bags. I admit i did like ziwei at some point or should i put it as blindly in love? In any case, i'm more upset about losing a friend than not gaining his interest in me.

BITCH! Yes, you! Can you visualise my index finger pointing at you? Oh, or do i need to enlighten you on which finger is called the index? The post you blogged yesterday brightened up my morning. Was pretty amused by your ignorance in missing out the sarcasm between my lines. By the way, please do quote my full sentence in future as it's rude to misquote others. For your information, the last point of THE sentence is the most important. Did not want to kick up a big fuss on this. Blame it on the lack of your lucky stars that i'm in the foulest mood ever. Honestly, i know you can't get over the fact that your hubby was once in a way or another related to me. In addition, you can't change the fact that he's your hubby and my options for the better or best are still open. Tsk tsk.. Stop being a prick and a sour grape, it's not gonna get you anywhere. Get up and move on! The only reason why i'm at times upset at your hubby is coz i don't understand how he could have become 5 years younger and stopped talking to me altogether like how a kid always says 'don't friend you anymore'. Ridiculous! In any case, you should be honoured that i've dedicated one whole paragraph for you. This is probably too overwhelming for your pathetic ego.

to be continued...

the past week's been full of guessing and gossiping, guessing what the rest of the world have up their sleeves and gossiping about the changes. It's not gonna be easy to adapt, especially for those who've been around since the beginning. Too much speculations and competition. People are starting to behave weirdly, beyond normality. I suppose it's time to build up defence. Things and words are what you perceived of them. It will be good to take things positively.

Sometimes, i juz wonder what wrong i did, to make her hate me. It doesn't bother me that much, but it juz pisses me off when she comes round stepping on my toes. If being taller, prettier and higher paid, owning more louis vuitton or getting to work early on thursdays even though i club on wednesday nights irks her, i'm really speechless.

He's been away since wednesday. I'm juz so missing him, miss spending time with him, miss his hugs and miss him being around.

he's gonna be back later this evening. not sure when exactly he'll be touching down, but i'm happy. kept my whole week occupied in order for me to not miss him. did not work out that well though. bet this will be much more difficult when november comes. *sigh* if only he missed me the same.

This post should have been up one month ago. I've always been a fan of Louis Vuitton but this is what i received from dear dear for my birthday. Despite the bag's not of my favourite brand, i'm liking it. I'm surprised by the improvement in judgement for such accessories. *grins*

dear dear: has my dear dear used the bag i bought for her?
me: i used the bag for a week then decided i cannot use it too often. Gets dirty very easily.
dear dear: haha... I'm sure it can be washed. Anyway, it probably just need to last you for a year. Buy you a new one next year if bonus is good k? :)

He's been away for less than 24 hours and i'm missing him already. How am i to last till sunday or even monday? Counting down...

11 July 2009 @ Sun Yanzi's Concert - THE ANSWER IS.....

been 2 years since she held a concert in singapore. i'm glad to have her back on stage at the indoor stadium. it was a great sing-along session with yanzi for me. *grins* i was truly amazed by the stage structure, especially the 'hidden' band during the 1st half of the concert. she showcased a couple of new songs and there was a good mixture from her various albums. overall, it was a great experience!

the 'transformed' stage with 'hidden' band revealed

my personal favourite of the night: yanzi with long pony tail

pleasant surprise from him. we went shopping 3-4 weeks back and saw this dress from topshop that i really like. did not get the dress then as i felt it was a little too pricey for the material. anyway, he got it for me as my birthday pressie. late, but it's the thought that counts. =) i'm liking the dress more probably due to the fact that he gave it to me.

Very heavy lunch, for my mind...

The number '7'.

'7' has always been my favourite number. During primary school days, i've always looked upon senior diana as my role model when it comes to basketball. '7' was her jersey number and since then, i told myself i wanna put on the number '7' jersey too. toni kukoc from chicago bulls was part of the reason for my love for '7'. honestly, it wasn't only his fantastic three point shots that amazed me, he's cute to the max as well. *grins* coincidentally, i was posted to class 1/7 in cedar. the story continues from cedar to AJ and to NTU. The '7' jersey was reserved for me. *beams* i wonder if the affiliation made '7' my lucky number. claimed ownership of my class 3 licence on the 7th July in 2003. '7' holds a special meaning to dear dear and me. we got together on the 7th December in 2002 and since then, he ALMOST never fails to text me on the 7th of each month. Though things did not end up the way i wanted it to be, i'm glad we're still on good terms now, probably better than before.

caught transformers movie with him yesterday. i'm enjoying every single moment i have with him. Even if it's juz for a short while, it's all worth it, for i'm not sure how long more this can last.

i need a break, a real break. Break from work, break from the routined lifestyle and most important of all, break from my confusions. Passing each day wasting my time on facebook is making me sick. I need to do more than facebook-ing. Yoga is my new found interest but my body can hardly keep up with the twice a week routine. I've fallen in love with yoga as it frees my mind and relaxes my body. Work cycle is back to square one making me lose interest in all that i've been doing. With the current market, i doubt i can find something that can match up to my current pay. I'll be good and stay on till bad times are over.

Weekends are spent on trainings for upcoming performance at esplanade. Yeah! Miss the days back in ntu when i'm more involved with the stage. This time round is a little different from the usual. We're gonna be showcasing mambo. Interested parties can drop by esplanade on the 28th october. You'll be in for a great surprise. The MJ kakis put up our debut performance at mambo jambo 17th anniversary and we've done well given the short time frame we had for practice.

My 'nightmare' will soon begin. Honestly, i wanna prove him wrong. I wanna prove that things doesn't change due to physical distance. It's gonna be hard coz it takes two hands to clap. I know its inevitable that i'll be hurt in the end. But love is blind, and i'm blinded voluntarily.

Lying on my bed and blogging using my communicator. Supposed to knock out half hour ago since i had quite a packed weekend. I'm physically tired but my mind simply refuse to stop thinking. Guess i'm too emo to sleep. Apparently, he's gonna be posted overseas 2 months earlier than expected. It's good exposure for him but selfish as i am, I'm so not looking forward to november. Wish time would come to a standstill. He's so gonna be missed my me. I can't imagine how life would be like. Yes, it still goes on, but i'm worried. It has come to a point which i dread most. We're nothing at all, nothing. Was on the line with dear dear and i told him i'm upset. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets attached, but i know it would set me crying. This has to end someday, doesn't it? I wish it to be a happily after fairytale but alas...

xiao mao is confused once again. *sigh* so much insecurities lately and i'm beginning to take the nonchalant approach. Most of the time, i'll juz push aside everthing, forget the unhappiness. It works till the next time emo monster creeps up on me. I remember someone told me before that i can't bear the emptiness of being alone and i've always debated that point. Now, i'm beginning to have doubts. Honestly, i do miss being attached. The need for having someone to whine to is increasing. Its juz so not gonna happen. I enjoy times spent alone. Shopping, swimming.. So long as i'm occupied i suppose. I hate it when i'm all alone doing nothing. Maybe that's why i finally got my dive licence, maybe that's how shirleen managed to convince me to go for yoga classes, maybe that's why i'm always filling up my time with one activity or another. I'm afraid of being alone. It scares me and my imagination would run wild. Grr..

I don't care if i'm his only girl, i juz want him and myself to be happy, to enjoy each others' company. I don't care how others see me or what they say about me, for this is my life. I live my life the way i want it.

it's been a long while. why am i blogging at this hour? *shrug* simply no mood for work today. going through the same routine everyday is juz unbearable. i wonder how long more i can hold out. being one of the last to know of the bad news does not help at all. got out of office before 10am. i did not want to face her. i know i can't. da jie and i have done all that we could to speak up for her, but nothing helps. the decision of the top management can't be overruled. *sigh* how unfair can the world get? the reason behind the termination is juz simply ridiculous. maybe i should thank my parents for giving me a pleasant face and a 'winning' smile (according to my hairstylist). grr... you will be missed.

on top of that i made an irreversible mistake last night that caused much embarrassment to someone. i'm guilty and yes, i feel really bad. i should not have let emotions get the better of me. but it's tough. honestly, i know this is heading nowhere but yet, i'm still holding on. many times i wanna walk away but i juz don't have enough determination. reality is always cruel, facing it is even worse i suppose. he will eventually find his someone and i'll juz be a good friend who will always be there. is that what i want and what i can take?

Your Cute Monster Says Your Inner Demon is Sensitivity

You are a giving, open, loving person. You truly want the world to be a better place. You appreciate what you have in life. You are very content. You are very sensitive, and your sensitivity can be a double edged sword. People think you're cute because you're generous. You are easy to love - it's part of your charm.

The Cute Monster Test

i've not shed a tear since the day we sent you off on your final journey five months ago. deep inside me, i'm missing you badly. besides mum and dad, you cared for me the most. weekends are never the same without you coming over to visit. februarys are never the same without you around to celebrate mum's, elena's and your birthdays. i've been refusing to touch on this topic, for i know it'll bring back too much memories. it's been five months of escaping from reality, refusing to face up to it. i wish i had held on to your hand longer that night, even juz a moment longer. i wish i had not said goodbye that night, if i knew it's gonna be your last to me. thanks for the advance wedding gift you prepared, i'll keep it in good condition till the day comes.

好想念你。。。

is there a need for relationships to be defined? my answer would be yes. sometimes, and juz this one time actually, my friends couldn't find a defination for my status. me and him have discussed this before, and the conclusion is, we're very good friends. gracie and hazel decided to term it as friends with benefits. *laughs* it really doesn't matter anymore. i enjoy his company and i'm used to the way things are now. i know things are never gonna be the way i want them to be but it's hard to let go now.

我是否应该学习长大？

朋友常说，我似乎从不怕失败。
就算知道会受到再大的伤害，也不会放弃。
有时候会觉得自己很傻，但始终不会改变。

我常说，如果不尝试，又怎会知道结果会是如何呢？
但是知道了结局又如何呢？

我恨自己的执著，因为总会带来许多的不快乐。
但是经过了漫长的岁月， 历经了多少喜怒哀乐，悲欢离合，我已经开始麻木了。

你相信命运吗？
总觉得自己被命运作弄。
我爱的人不爱我，但爱我的人却对我痴心一片。
希望有天我能说服自己接受被爱的幸福。
也许会有那么一天。

my new acquisition from louis vuitton - speedy 25. decided that its a better size than 30.

my louis vuitton collection

should i say its a bad or a good start to the new year? last night's mambo was juz crazy. guess i exceeded my limit and got drunk. it was sort of planned or should i use the word deliberate. really hate myself. why do i lose it so easily? million thanks to those who were there to take care of me and to watch over me. thanks to jay (though he's part of the reason why i was drunk *bleah*) and jerald for driving me and xiao bai back. sorry to have disrupted your night. my new year resolution is to stop drinking so much. though gracie has got no faith in me at all to do that. wish me luck.

Hong Kong Day 3 (25 Dec)

got up early as we were going shopping in a faraway place, Tung Chung. thanks to shirleen's sister for the information. took us about an hour to get to the Citygates Outlets by MTR. it was a great shopping experience. the mall has adidas, nike, new balance and various other factory outlets. we spent a good amount of time at armani exchange as it was having up to 60% sale! the offer items were really worth buying. most of the stuff were really pretty and it was juz so difficult to resist temptation. after around 2 hours of non-stop walking, we decided to take a short break at macdonalds. there wasn't much time left for us as we were on another tight schedule. headed back after browsing through 2 other shops.

stopped at hong kong station to visit City Super at the IFC Mall. both of us had to get chocolates for gift exchange at the christmas party for the night. courtesy of jess who had invited us to the party organised by the church. bought 2 boxes of royce and i was truly impressed by the staff who were doing the gift wrapping. they were juz amazing. took a brisk walk back to shirleen's apartment. got showered and changed in half an hour.

met up with jess nearby where we took a cab to CentreStage. i simply love the way the function room of the condo was done. it was simple and yet elegant. however, both shirleen and me were bored at the party, juz felt we shouldn't have agreed to go in the 1st place. decided to leave early and keep the chocolates for ourselves. *grins* arranged to meet joanne, edward, juliana and derrick for dinner. accompanied jess back to her place to get changed as she did not want to dirty her dress.

headed to causeway bay to meet up with the rest for steamboat dinner. food was ok but the company was great! it was my 1st meeting with derrick, a guy with a good sense of humour. but according to shirleen, they were not on very good terms before due to his personal life. anyway, it was a good christmas dinner, an out of ordinary christmas dinner in chinese style. though most of us were already pretty full after steamboat, we decided to get some dessert. derrick recommended this place at Jaffe Road, Lucky Dessert, which he thinks serves better stuff than 许留山 and hence we gotta try it. waited a good 20 minutes for our table. had my favourite mango with pomelo dessert and shared a mango crepe with the rest. the former was good and yes, better than all others i tried before, but could have given the latter a miss. we then parted our ways and headed home to rest for the next day's activities.

Hong Kong Day 2 (24 Dec)

it's the long awaited christmas eve. got out of bed pretty late, around 9ish. the weather in hong kong now is really conducive for sleeping in. *bleah* shirleen woke up early and headed to the supermarket to get the ingredients for her chicken stew for the house party we were attending for the night. tried to be of some help with her preparation (not much actually *laughs*) as we were looking at a packed schedule for the day. it was a little past 11 when she finished her last step of preparation.

changed and made our way to causeway bay by MTR. shirleen bought me the egg tart along the way. she has been going on about it since she stepped foot on the island. it was close to an adrenaline rush when i took the 1st bite. i've never tasted anything like that in singapore. the crust was baked to the right texture and the egg custard was as soft as tofu. simply yummy! it was a short ride from wan chai to causway bay. headed to ikea to do furniture shopping for shirleen's almost empty hall. our 1st mission was to get the right sofa. right design, measurement, colour, fabric and softness included. took her more than half an hour before making her final decision. it was a tough choice i would say. 2nd mission was to get a dining table. if you think sofa was not easy, dining table was much worse. when she finally made her choice, we found out to her dismay that the table she wanted wasn't available in the desired colour! so much for even picking the right chairs to go with the table. it irritated her so much that she decided to forsake the table for the time being. 3rd mission was to get miscellaneous stuff such as cutlery, laundry basket, dustbins for her apartment.

left ikea around 3 and we went on to find the 许留山 that is supposed to have 2 outlets in causeway bay. as shirleen tried to google it on her blackberry, i saw the familiar signboard right across the street. *happiness* had our then favourite mango dessert with different flavours.

made our way to pacific place for the next round of shopping. a crazy sale is on at mango but i've stopped liking their not-so-appealing apparels since some time back. zara has got pretty nice stuff that interests me but the store is not offering any discount. went in to a number of boutiques, kate spade, coach, louis vuitton.. can't seem to find anything that i had a need to buy there and then. decided to head down to the supermarket, great food hall, to complete the rest of the grocery shopping for the chicken stew and the mojito that i'm supposed to concoct. shirleen said it's her favourite supermarket and i will know why when i get in. the 1st thing that hit me was, the queue at the cashier was amazingly long. i guess many people were doing last minute christmas shopping like us. the place provides a huge variety of food which impresses me and the food looks good for supermarket standards. as expected, we digressed and spent a good time at the cheese section. bought 100g of blue cheese and another 100g of soft cheese (which i cannot remember the name). decided that we should get on to serious business. quickly grabbed the mint leaves, limes, soda water, plain flour and bread and made our way to queue for payment. to our surprise, the waiting time was pretty short as many people had only a few items i suppose. juz as we stepped out of pacific place, shirleen suddenly exclaimed "we forgot the brown sugar!". as both of us were too lazy, we decided to give up mojito for the night.

took us about 15 minutes to walk back to her area. settled ourselves at the 茶餐厅, king food restaurant, right below her apartment. we had the most unsatisfying meal which was a waste of our calories. the fries and egg salad sandwich was not worth the price that we paid. nevertheless, shirleen enjoyed her iced water cress drink which everyone has in hong kong.

it was already 6 when we went up to shirleen's place to check if they had delivered the correct mattress as the previous one was too small for the frame. to her delight, they changed it for her and she finally gets a proper and comfortable mattress to rest on. spent some time trying to get her mattress protector and bedsheets on as the dimensions are now a little too big for the frame. she went on to complete her chicken stew task while i lazed around. *bleah* by 730, we were ready to get out of the house but not so ready. she had to get a sushi party set for her friend, jess who was still working at that hour on christmas eve. how unfortunate. however, the sushi place below her place does not offer party sets and it's not economical to order ala carte. hence, we decided to order pizzas from across the street. waited a good 20 minutes before the pizzas were ready and we set off to the mid levels.

we reached seymour road slightly past 8 and were greeted by the hosts, edward and joanne, and the rest of the guests. as everyone was hungry by then, we did not wait for jess to arrive to start on the big feast. there were loads of food and wine, good food and wine. it was a great pot-luck dinner. ed offered each of us a chocolate which had a message in it and mine says "to love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart". i knew almost immediately what is the song i have to learn. *bleah* spent the rest of the night chatting and watching dvd with everyone. the show that we caught (which i couldn't remember the title) was silly and lame, had a good laugh though, and everyone else did. left the place around 2am. it was indeed a christmas eve to remember, my 1st christmas eve out of town.

Hong Kong Day 1 (23 Dec)

touched down at the international airport a little past 8 in the evening. temperature is at 16 degree. managed to clear the customs within 10 minutes and i'm still wondering why the guy looked at my passport in such great detail, checking every single line with the system. i could have gotten out earlier if not for the delay. took another 10 minutes to collect my luggage and got myself a single journey ticket on the airport express. there was no crowd at all probably due to the late flight. most people would choose to arrive earlier. a 20 minutes ride to hong kong station where i met up with shirleen. really glad to see her again. took a cab to her new apartment at ship street (wan chai). it's a 2 bedder which is more well furnished than i thought and i've got a room to myself. how nice. unpacked the stuff which i brought along for her, including christmas gifts from gracie, jack and myself of coz. we decided to take a walk and head out for drinks around 10ish. being a nice host, she introduced me around her estate, tho she's pretty new to the place as well and most of the places were closed by then. had a glass of wine at neuvo, where we updated each other on our lives before heading back to the apartment to rest for the night.

combined some pictures from zoukout and the rest can be found in facebook as usual. it was a full day and night of fun, laughter, NO peace and joy! *grins* can't remember my last zoukout, years ago but not 2005 of coz. *bleah*

met up with jasmine, nicole, steven and the boys at vivocity around 1pm to do "grocery" shopping. Definition of "grocery": mixers and tibits. *laughs* most of us were still drained by the previous night's dinner, mahjong and supper gathering. it was good fun at vivo mart. we spent most of time laughing at marcus's silly behaviour. i personally like his "ladles dance" best. honestly, we attracted loads of unwanted attention during our stay in the supermart. kinda embarassing. we managed to get out of the place a little past 3pm and headed in to sentosa island.

i was pretty pissed with the resort's staff stationed at the entrance of the carpark. shall not repeat my unhappy story again but yes, it was indeed worth being pissed. got our room key and settled ourselves and our stuff in the room at almost 5pm. had a little episode of plotting against the poor boy gerard before heading to the resort's pool. *sniggers* it was pure madness. marcus had to be the clown yet again. the "dolphin show" he put up sent all of us into non-stop laughing. it was good abdomen exercise tho. jasmine and kes recorded a series of videos of the pool action for rememberance sake.

night came and the party begins. we had a few rounds of drinks in the room for warm up before heading down to the zoukout venue itself - siloso beach. P.S. played a round tarot cards and i would say it's pretty accurate for me. please do not ask what was the question i was thinking of coz it's for me to know and for no one to find out. while the rest stayed at the mambo arena, we (the girls) decided to recee the place to get fake tattoos done. i've got this insane craze to get myself a tattoo but i know i'll never hear the end from my mum. *bleah* each of us ended up with a butterfly tattoo done. so pretty (i mean both the butterfly and the person). *laughs* headed back to the mambo arena to join the rest and started cam-whoring before the music starts.

it was pretty slow at the beginning but was still good to me. probably due to the fact that i've got great company! was pretty oblivious to the surroundings so please do not ask if there're any cute guys or pretty babes. much as i would want to deny, my only concern was for someone's absence. as the night wore on, the music got better and the party juz got crazier. met a few groups of friends and had a couple of drinks. was at B1 when my favourite song played and i literally ran all the way back to the centre platform where all my friends were. *sniggers* that was also when i finally saw the person i've been missing all night. he gave me a hug which probably meant nothing to him but took me by surprise. i have to admit that it made my night better for the moment. the rest of the mambo till 2am was all about dancing.

by then, i was soaked with my own perspiration, nicole was suffering from terrible backache and jasmine was tired too. went back to the room to catch a breather and for more drinks. while the 2 girls rested, bryan, sarah, steven and i decided to head back at around 3am for sasha! it was good but a little too crowded for my liking and when bryan suggested that we check out the hip hop arena, i had no issues at all. found a comfortable spot for ourselves and music was surprisingly good. it turned out to be much better when andrew chow took over. fantastic would be the best word to describe. unfortunately, jasmine sos-ed bryan around 4-ish as the boys were apparently getting out of hand in the room. the drunk boys have proven to be too much for the rest to handle. when we finally settled the boys in bed and walked sarah to catch a cab back onto the main island, it was already 5-ish.

tho i was pretty tired out, i could not resist the temptation of the awesome music and headed back to the party with bryan, kes and steven. may i repeat that andrew chow was really good, top 40s remix, hip hop, R&B.. we partied till almost daybreak at 7am when i knew my legs couldn't take it anymore. bryan was the only survivor who stayed on to join his other friends while the rest of us went back to the room. i was surprised to find the two boys, gerard and marcus awake and they went down to the party. chock had apparently drowned himself in his own puke (again).

tiredness finally set in on me on the way back home. thanks to steven who followed behind me juz to make sure i got home safely. i admit i was dozing off on the wheels and was driving dangerously. nevertheless, it was a great zoukout afterall.

it's been a crazy and tiring but fun weekend!

a quick update on godson matt. he's weighing 3.88kg as of wednesday's check up. drinking lots of milk and very frequently. he finishes his milk fast and takes about 2 hours to burp each time he has his milk. he's such a sweetie with his long eye lashes. visited gracie and him on thursday as i knew i wouldn't have time to do so over the weekend. seems like he's spending more hours awake now and gracie is starting to get the hang of being a mum tho she's really tired and busy from taking care of the baby. please do take good care of yourself too ger.

in preparation for the eventful weekend, i decided to knock off on the dot for once on friday. finished my last vist at 6pm and headed down to east coast to meet up with the rest for jasmine's birthday celebration. silly ger has been so excited over the chalet for the past 2 months that she's been going on and on about it (i'm sure nicole would agree with me). *bleah* realised that bryan aka yue-er can really cook and do housework. he's really the man. *laughs* i'm truly impressed. from starting fire to barbercuing food to making tau-suan and cleaning up the place, he can manage everything on his own. may i add that the tau-suan he makes is not the best but still good. we all know who to include in our bbq invite list the next time we have one. *grins* that aside, we had loads of fun eating (especially for those who tried the "spiked" tau-suan), playing mahjong and cards, chatting, making and drinking our own concoctions, and of coz, smearing cake on jasmine. opps! i'm sorry ger that you kinda injured your foot while chasing after us and that we dirtied you. but it was all in the name of fun! we still love you lots! played mahjong through the night and i was really exhausted at the end of it all. wonder how i managed to drop claudio off at his place and get home at 6am in the morning.

saturday was yet another packed day for me with 3 weddings to attend. everything seems to have been pre-planned as none of them clashed with each other - church wedding in the morning, lunch reception at noon and finally dinner in the evening. picked up susan at 9am to head down for keng kiang's matrimonial ceremony at renewal centre. there was a handful of ex-hall 13 people at the wedding who weren't the usual group that i used to hang out with, but seeing them again brought back happy memories of the past. everyone seems the same and yet different at the same time. left the place around 1pm and dropped susan off at gerard's place before meeting my parents at orchard hotel. it was the wedding of one of their friend's daughter whom i happen to know and hence was invited. realised the most frequently asked question (FAQ) is when will it be my turn? kinda sick of answering such questions. yes, i know i'm turing 30 really soon and its time. i'm juz waiting for the right one (if there is one in the 1st place) to appear. or maybe it's juz me, not ready to settle down at all. *bleah* reached back home at 5pm, took a quick shower and started preparing for the night - my nephew's wedding dinner at expo's bliss garden ballroom. all of my extended family was present including my cousin who's working in bombay, my other nephew who's based in london and my niece who's doing her degree in australia. great to be catching up with all of them. most of the night was spent entertaining my little niece who juz can't stop talking. *laughs* i still love her for what she is coz she's my favourite niece. as expected, i'm being thrown with the same question, in a different way tho. was playing with this cute little 5 months old baby boy when the aunties, including cousin jennifer, juz started to go on about how i should get married and have kids so that my parents can take care of them for me. i happily answered that "babies are only cute when they're not mine!". had a few rounds (at least 5) of red wine and stopped after my mum's not so gentle reminder that i'm driving. sent my parents home at 11 and met up with jay and jerald for 2nd round of drinks at clarke quay. fun people to hang out with as they would throw you with the most nonsensical stuff which would make you laugh. we discovered this new retro bar which could be a nice hangout for saturdays. the place is pretty empty probably due to the fact that it's new? or izzit juz that not many people appreciate retro music as much as we do? *sniggers*

note: if you're wondering, i juz couldn't resist the temptation to stop going out with him and yes, i'm lousy. it's juz so me to do this i guess. spent the night out with him till morning. i enjoy his company and i've really fallen for him this time. it's a bad sign.

back to my weekend. while on the way back to jay's place on sunday morning, xiao bai ran out of petrol and stopped moving! poor xiao bai and us were stranded along the exit to loyang ave on tpe. called simon, my workshop guy but he's overseas and i had no choice but to trouble best friend. lucky thing he stays at pasir ris, but i still feel bad for making him come down to rescue me. jay offered to walk to the nearest station to buy the petrol but i feel bad to make him do it. best friend arrived with a tin of petrol after around half an hour which in the meantime, jay was keeping himself entertained by disturbing me with silly ideas of what i can do when i'm stranded. the guys suggested that i should keep the tin as a souvenior. *pouts* i promise to pump petrol once the indicator starts blinking and i'll never let that happen to xiao bai and me ever again. nevertheless, thank you best friend for making the trip down and for rescuing me. many thanks and apologies to jay who was made to go through the "ordeal" with me.

due to the unforeseen circumstance, it was a mad rush for me. reached back home past 11am and had to shower and get dressed up within half an hour to attend joyce's wedding lunch. arrived at grand shanghai a little past noon and was glad that i'm not the latest. *grins* da jie's gown is really beautiful and special. guess it's probably the prettiest i've seen so far. it might have been the person wearing it, to be able to carry it off so well. glad to see and to be able to catch up with janice da jie, ying ying and rachel at the lunch. it was good time spent at the table coz of francis's, eric's and keegan's presence. *laughs*

it's been a long update for the weekend and i believe next week's update will be as interesting (i hope). i'll be attending zoukout for a change. was and never am a zoukout person as i dun happen to like beach parties. getting messy, sandy, wet and all. going this year coz of steven and he better appreciate it. *sniggers* he's gonna pay back by drinking with me.

a song by stefanie that i thought would best describe how i feel right now. sorry for the decision. i juz do not wish to go through the whole process again and of coz i do not wish to lose you. its my fault. you've stated everything clearly right from the start and i juz did not control my emotions well enough. i guess putting a stop to this would be the best solution as of now. give me some time (i have no idea how much i need), but i promise i'll be fine and we'll be talking by then. trust me, the long conversation on sunday and the efforts that you have put in for this friendship over the past 8 months have not gone to waste and it will not. i treasure this friendship as much as you do if not more. that's the reason why i do need to take a step back and get myself sorted out. guess i've been deluding myself all these while and i've got everything mixed up. it's gonna be difficult but i'll try to separate one thing from another.

<星期一天气晴我离开你>

离开爱情我没有行李
找不到表情可是不恨你
离去因为我不爱推理的游戏
不想绕路只为了避开你
我有一点伤心

伤心让人不想爱自己
那么也只好暂时不爱你
拉开距离等着有一天忽然想起你
离开的原因再也想不起
再翻出旧的日记从新写起

星期一天气晴我离开你
突然就下了决心
我在日历上面画下星星
星期一天气晴我离开你
不带任何行李
除了一本陪我放逐的日记

今天天晴心情很低
突然决定离开你

can't let go of the past? maybe. was reading through past entries of someone's blog. *laughs* i've got loads of things to complete at work but i juz can't be bothered. it's a thursday! whoever works on a thursday?! *grins* back to the blog that i was reading. realised at some point of time, i seemed to be the most frequently mentioned person. yes, it doesn't mean anything but i juz can't believe how 2 supposedly good friends can end up not talking at all, especially at this age. i do treasure the friendship and in fact, i was pretty upset at how things turned out. i guess there can never be 100% platonic friendship between a guy and a ger. honestly, there must be some level of interests or attractions somehow. at this point, i juz feel i've lost a good friend.

juz can't believe how i time and again land myself in such situations. i always doubt his words but yet it seems convincing at times. there's definitely the trust issue between us which i believe can never be resolved. he says its juz him and i say i juz dun mean enough to him. i wanted to stop talking to him and stop seeing him at all in order to get out of this shit. yes, it is a childish decision and it's almost impossible to do so. i do treasure him and our friendship much more after the "fateful" incident. he means more to me than i thought. i definitely do not wish for history to repeat. at least, i want us to be able to sit down for coffee 5 or 10 years down the road just like any other friends. i wish...

i've got so much to blog but no time for it. life has pretty much got back onto the right track (if there's even a right one in the 1st place). i'm still confused as usual but it's getting more complicated, more things to be confused about. been bogged down by work for the past month. knocking off much later than usual. *sigh* i suppose if i've got a better and valid reason for me to slog so hard, i would feel more balanced. wonder if its the stress at work that's causing me to be more cranky than usual. many apologies to those who hafta put up with my nonsense, especially the one who called me sweetheart. *bleah* really think i'm juz being stubborn and hard on myself. always wanting things that i can never have or can never be mine. it's always been the case. wish i can be less demanding and it could have been much better. i juz wish things would not turn out to be like before. dun understand why some people juz do not grow up. it's been so many years, time to let go of the past? guess it's easy for me to say and if i were in her shoes, i would probably react in the same way. so gonna miss shirleen dear. she'll be heading to hong kong for work tomorrow morning. no more wine bar on wednesdays, no more chilling out at dempsey, no more crazy clubbing, no more bitching sessions. oh no.. i'm getting emo emo already. the good thing is, i'll be in hong kong with her in one month's time! spending white white christmas together in hong kong. will definitely be fun. sorry gracie for not being able to spend more time with you during your confinement. but i promise to be back with cutie stuff for godson matt and to make it up when i'm back. can't wait for december to arrive...