2010年11月9日 没有王仕捷的第三百六十三天

09 Nov - Shanghai Day 2

Started our day at 7 degrees. Breakfast was bread with butter. I'm back to being a full fledged vege girl for these 8 days. I'll try to remember that I'm a vegetarian as reminded by someone *bleah*


Shanghai World Financial Center was our 1st stop. Nice view from the 100th floor. A little foggy but it was still a great experience.



2nd stop 城隍庙街, main shopping and entertainment area for the locals. The ancient architecture is probably the most interesting for me here. The 2nd picture shows my determination to be a vege girl during this trip. *winks*

Took a 2 hour nap on the coach to Suzhou after a full lunch. Power nap! =)


Lazily and pretty reluctantly got myself down at our 1st spot in Singapore Suzhou Industrial Park, 金鸡湖. Weather is really cool at 18 degrees, nice enough to take a short break by the lake.


耦园. Mum says it would be nice to stay in a house like this back in Singapore.


Probably the only temple we're gonna visit for this whole trip, 寒山寺. It's the 1st time that I come across a temple that needs a ticket for entrance! >.<


Early dinner at 5pm. Guess what?! My worst nightmare has come true. One of the dishes is black fungus fried with black fungus! =(

The sun has set after dinner and we went shopping at a nearby street. Figured that I still love the Hong Kong shopping scene much better. =D

p.s. no images of my current accomodation in Suzhou as it's too run down by my standards.

2010年11月9日 没有王仕捷的第三百六十三天

08 Nov - Shanghai Day 1

上海航空酒店

Honestly, I wasn't expecting anything for this trip. Just want to get away from work and take a break with my parents.

I'm impressed by the Pudong Airport as it is well furnished and comfortable to be in. It was 10pm when i touched down and 11ish when i was on the way to rest for the 1st night. The roads are definitely much better than the impression i was under. And yes! I have to agree to a certain extent that Shanghai is better than Hong Kong in that aspect. The streets seem cleaner (from the coach late at night) and the buildings are generally better maintained. Amazing!

2010年11月8日 没有王仕捷的第三百六十二天


will be leaving for the airport in a while. think i'm gonna miss my bed though i had a bad dream (of him) last night. it felt so real that i hesitated for 5 seconds after i woke up before deciding that it was a dream. wasn't totally bad, at least he was supposed to be moving back to singapore by the end of this year which is good. *bleah* he's gone missing for like more than a month, no email, no text. *sigh* was still hoping to be able to meet him this coming week. guess i was juz thinking too much.

2010年11月7日 没有王仕捷的第三百六十一天

i've always believed that horoscope/zodiac has got certain percentage of accuracy and truth in them.

狗 Dog

Personality
Honest , faithful and possessing deep loyalty and responsibility. Can be magnanimous and prosperous, yet also guarded and defensive, never really relaxed despite outer calm. She has a glib tongue, practical and realistic. The Dog is also trustworthy and generous to people and has a deep sense of justice.
This maybe the most likable sign of all in the Chinese cycle. A person born in the year of the Dog is honest, intelligent and straightforward. He has a deep sense of loyalty and a passion for justice and fair play. A dog native is usually animated and attractive and will exude sex appeal. Generally amiable and unpretentious, he will know how to get along with others as he is not too demanding. The egalitarian dog likes to meet others halfway, is always willing to listen to reason and can be counted on to do his share.
For a friend, you must know that whenever you are in trouble, all you have to do is dial D-O-G. For no matter how much he or she complains, scolds, feign indifference, the Dog person cannot ignore a real call for help. At times, the dog protects the interests of others more avidly than his own. The Dog often sticks to his object of affection no matter how unworthy the person is. You don't find a dog leaving home just because he discovers that his master has the proverbial feet of clay. He makes allowances for such frailties and will probably stick it out thick or thin.

The Dog likes: Routine, Challenges, Friends, Presents, Travel, Food, Play and Nature
The Dog dislikes: Mistreatment, Fakes, Discomfort, Rudeness, Dishonesty, Hunger and Anger

Compatible Animals: Tiger, Rabbit, Horse

Your Luck In Year 2011

Overall Forecast
You are honest and patient but stubborn and lack good interpersonal skills. Females like to listen to sweet talk and are always be remorseful of things, beware of it. Silence is golden but sometimes being conservative can hardly convince others. You are kind, diligent, independent, ardour and a self-learner. Your fortune would meet the turning point at your middle age, you will be wealthy in the old age, but may not have a long-lasting relationship in marriage.
Lucky stars are surrounding you, making it a free and easy ride for you this year. Those who wish to set up or develop your business can be entitled to do so. Students are shinning bright with a brilliant mind, and who would outperform their peers with some diligence sprinkled into it.
Your wealth is strong, but guard against scams. Your health is better, and family harmony is good when you all co-exist well.

Career
The trend of luck this year is suitable for your character; you have to treasure the golden chance. It is time to fulfill your longed-for wish. Business performance is increasing exponentially. Do harness a better relation with your office staff. The great time for extra-income has come and is waiting for your harvest.

Love
You will present indulging, passive mood for love, but the emotions are unsatisfactory. Although you may be congenial with the opposite sex, you should treasure your lover and not take things for granted. After the test of time, you will know that your lover is the one who supports behind you.

Wealth
Your wealth is excellent, where your mainstream income is abundant. But do not greed. Wise investment can bring in a fat harvest, so you may want to consider multiple forms of investments or plain savings will also suffice. Your personal income will be getting better after securing a small fortune in gambling in the second half of the year, as compared to overspending in the first half of the year. But guard against deceits.

Health
Your immune system is poor. You may want to ease down on drinking even with the hectic social networking. Stay happy to fend off the seasonal flu bug. The elderly is facing a weakened constitution, so have more happiness and healthy food as well as exercise in your life style.

2010年10月31日 没有王仕捷的第三百五十四天

i'm missing him like crazy. i reckoned that whatever silly things i'm doing now, they're all efforts to occupy my time. perhaps it's unfair to everyone else, but i really have no idea how to cope with this any longer. i'm on the verge of breaking down. can't wait for december to arrive but yet the anticipation is juz killing me further. much as i wish i could juz walk away, i know i can't bear to give up. i wonder if he's gonna be back for good next year, when will this waiting end?

2010年10月21日 没有王仕捷的第三百四十四天

我哭了。但为何还是那么纳闷？
好累，好烦。但想念还是那么深。
不断地重复着《你为什么说谎》。

2010年10月12日 没有王仕捷的第三百三十五天

妈妈终于返国。三个月的分离，真是度日如年。我终于不必为了繁重的家务而烦，爸爸也不会再感到寂寞。好期待下个月和爸妈的上海之旅。=）

最近总是觉得心神不宁，仿佛有些事在困扰着我。倒霉的事接二连三地发生在我身上。或许是他的置之不理，也或许是另一个他又再度走进我的世界的缘故。我真的快要崩溃了。我很爱很爱他，但为何另一个他却扰乱了这份爱？是那个他让我走出了荣的世界，但也就是同一个他让我伤心绝望。我有种无法自拔的感觉，但我清楚知道，一错再错是十分愚蠢的行为。珍惜对他的那一份爱是我所应该坚持的信念。

2010年9月25日 没有王仕捷的第三百十八天，没有妈妈的第八十五天

我爱他 丁当

他的轻狂留在某一节车厢
地下铁里的风比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下來
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最终的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

逃不开爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖越多的空白
该怎么去爱

如果还有遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

his replies never fail to bring a smile to my face, loving him...

2010年9月17日 没有王仕捷的第三百十天，没有妈妈的第七十七天



preparation for SingTel N8 training early monday morning. feels like going back to school again. =P glad that it's finally over.

2010年9月4日 没有王仕捷的第两百九十七天，没有妈妈的第六十四天

爸爸的爱心零食

daddy left for his malaysia trip late last night and i'm now officially home alone till monday. =( prepared lots of food and tibits for me before he left. *loves*

2010年8月31日 没有王仕捷的第两百九十三天，没有妈妈的第六十天

it wasn't me! =P

2010年8月16日 没有王仕捷的第两百七十八天，没有妈妈的第四十七天

the surprise that awaits me on my desk on wednesday morning. belated birthday pressie from yingyi, clive aka romeo and sky. thank you! i love the mahjong set to bits! =) one down and many more to go. there are juz too many variety to choose from the hello kitty range that kept me torn between choices.

2010年8月14日 没有王仕捷的第两百七十六天，没有妈妈的第四十五天

=) no matter how little time we have together, it never fails to make me smile whenever i'm with him. tho i have no idea where this is gonna lead me to, i'll not give up no matter how tough the road ahead is gonna be.

12 August - Tempat Senang with Joyce and Yingyi

- Balinese
- Foot Reflexology
- Green Tea Scrub
- Aromatherapy Massage
- Hot Herbal Compresses
- Mud Wrap

it was a great 6 hours treatment. looking forward to our next getaway spa - OCTOBER!

06 August - Marina Bay Sands - Ben & Gerard Birthdays




i lost count of the number of 'oh my god' when each person stepped into the suite. lovely view of the city skyline, amazing in-suite facilities and of coz the great company. most of us are suffering from 5488 withdrawal symptoms and shall work towards 5498 next year! =P

2010年8月5日 没有王仕捷的第两百六十七天，没有妈妈的第三十六天

每段恋情都会有属于它的主题曲。而总是有些主题曲一辈子都在提醒着我那些过去的恋情。年轻就是本钱，青春无价。当年的我没经历过任何风雨，也没碰过任何挫折，很单纯地认为能和她永远地在一起。不知从什么时候开始，我对永远的定义有所改变。永远不再是因相爱而在一起，永远是因责任和习惯。某人问我是否曾后悔当初那段不被看好的恋情。是那段恋情让我成长了不少，也是那段恋情改变了我的一生。她对我的付出和牺牲，让我终生难忘。我对她的亏欠，是永远弥补不了的。

约定 周惠

远处的钟声回荡在雨里
我们在屋檐底下牵手听
幻想教堂里头那场婚礼
是为祝褔我俩而举行

一路从泥泞走到了美景
习惯在彼此眼中找勇气
累到无力总会想吻你
才能忘了情路艰辛

你我约定难过的往事不许提
也答应永远都不让对方担心
要做快乐的自己
照顾自己
就算某天一个人孤寂

你我约定一争吵很快要喊停
也说好没有秘密彼此很透明
我会好好的爱你
傻傻爱你
不去计较公平不公平

为何感触那么深？

2010年7月19日 没有王仕捷的第两百五十天，没有妈妈的第十九天

loves skype coz i get to talk and see mummy at zero cost! say bye bye to long distance calls. thanks to 淑芬! just ended the conversation with peeps over at india. take care! catch up soon on skype!

如果时间真的能冲淡一切，为何我对他的思念还是一天一天地加深？

2010年7月18日 没有王仕捷的第两百四十九天，没有妈妈的第十八天

想念你。想拨通电话给你，听听你的声音。
或许我已不存在你的世界，但你却还是我的全部。
我们真的只能做好朋友吗？
好想投入你的怀抱，好想靠在你的肩。
会有结果吗？

世上只有妈妈好，没妈的孩子像根草。

2010年7月11日 没有王仕捷的第两百四十二天，没有妈妈的第十一天

had a good lesson with my dad and his friends tonight. wish he had told me the story much earlier and i would have put it into good use. it would have saved me lots of unnecessary trouble. i've always looked up to my dad, and he has my utmost love and respect, always will.

finally spoke to mum over the phone after ten days of separation. miss her so much. counting down to 29 september since the day she left. trying my best to spend as much time with dad as possible. fitting my schedule around his. hope he doesn't feel too lonely without my mum's presence.

for him, nothing's changed. to be honest, i was pretty affected by the recent facebook posts. if you had wanted to upset me with those words, then congratulations! but i won't let this disrupt my life or emotions for it would be too stupid of me. met up with dear dear for lunch yesterday and he asked if i'm intending to wait for him. i really dunno. the rational me will say no as things will not be what i want them to be, but me being the emotional me, i will. it's time to make a decision.

2010年7月1日 没有王仕捷的第两百三十二天，没有妈妈的第一天

back from the airport. realised i was right in not sending jay off last year. it would have been juz as difficult to fight back the tears. feel silly for letting the emotions run for i know 3 months gonna fly past me before i know it. but i've never been apart from my mum for such a long time, i'm so gonna miss her.

2010年6月27日 没有王仕捷的第两百二十八天

如果当年我懂得珍惜他，现在的我们是否会不一样？
或许后悔已经太迟，但我真希望时间能倒流，让我重新选择。
我一直认为是我当初伤害他在先，造成他对我的不信任。
有办法弥补这个错误吗？

2010年6月19日 没有王仕捷的第两百二十天

seeing the familiar streets in the movie reminds me of him. i know i'm silly. been hoping for my phone to ring, hoping for him to ask me out. *sigh* i'm juz too hopeful. it's juz not gonna happen. for the past months, he's never had time for me each time he's back and probably never will. i'm nothing to him, probably juz a good friend if there need to be a relationship defined. missing him like crazy, and i really wish i can have more time with him. i suppose it's not possible. wonder what he's up to now, wonder if he knows i'm here thinking of him.

2010年6月17日 没有王仕捷的第两百十八天

i'm so hopelessly in love. miss snuggling in his arms. miss our late night coffee sessions. miss mcdonalds fries with salt. miss hanging out with him. been a long time since we went on a proper date. *sigh* wonder if i'll be able to catch him again before his flight on sunday.

好朋友 罗志祥

像两首节拍不同的歌
却又同时被爱情合奏
旋律勉强着
愉快不能够假装快乐
你心中有宽阔的天空
空气还稀薄
曾经等待因为会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

如果爱情是五线谱
我只希望用全音符
吟唱出爱上你
那完整的幸福
当你的心没有耳朵
即使我为你唱着歌
你也只看见我哭了

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

曾经因为等待会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

你说我是你最好的朋友
却不应该再拥抱着
你退缩你冷漠
于是我放开双手
不在乎我的心会永远的寂寞

2010年6月7日 没有王仕捷的第两百零八天

catherine beauty series

so loving the facial masks. he chanced upon it while searching for my pressie. i'm probably biased but he's never failed to surprise me with 'customised' gifts. *smiles* the meet up has proven that time has not changed anything, not for me. glad that he managed to squeeze out some time to accompany me. fallen in love and still falling in love. looking forward to seeing him next week. *beams*

thank you dearies for the birthday dinner at sml and drinks at sheraton! and of coz, many thanks to shirleen and kee for hosting us amidst the madness of getting your apartment into order. and also, thanks to hazel for the company throughout. i've truly enjoyed myself this 买东西，吃东西，买东西，吃东西 trip. *grins* can't wait to start planning for the next.

not forgetting the wonderful birthday surprise kes arranged on wednesday. it was truly a great surprise seeing so many people at jack's place for dinner. thanks to all for making time and for making me drunk before midnight, and to the boys and kes for sending me home. it's gonna be payback time in time to come. *winks*

to everyone else who sent your well-wishes through sms or facebook, thanks for remembering and making this birthday special.

2010年5月20日 没有王仕捷的第一百九十天

so intoxicated and so sleepy now. last night's mambo was a blast! love byden to bits. =)

i'm sorry for calling so early in the morning. i'm sorry for texting emo stuff again. i'm sorry for not being able to rationalize things. i'm sorry for not being able to forget you. i'm sorry for everything that i've done and not done. nothing has changed since you left for hong kong, not for me. you might have found someone else, you may find me not good enough for you, but i still love you the same. there was this question in the speed dating registration form: what qualities do you look for in a partner? my immediate answer was him. he's everything that i wanted, almost perfect i suppose. i guess it's juz not meant to be but i'm still waiting.

2010年5月14日 没有王仕捷的第一百八十四天

It's been a peaceful 3 months till it decided to come back and wreck havoc again. Sick and tired of having to put up with its nonsense time and again. Don't even wanna mention its name as the very thought of it irks me. I wonder what he has given his army that they are all so obedient. Do they not have eyes to see nor ears to hear? My sympathy goes out to all of you. It's time for me to speak.

I know it since years ago at zouk. My 1st impression, very touchy animal. I distanced myself as much as i could for i was not interested in it and i kept this impression of it to myself as kes seemed to be on very good terms with it. I did not want to be bad-mouthing someone as it might juz be me. Soon after, it left the zouk scene for overseas studies. When it came back for good, i let it start on a fresh clean sheet, only to realise that some things juz wouldn't change. It tried to hit on me many times, but things juz didn't go its way.

Sarah's appearance was the turning point, he seemed serious about dating her, or so i thought. I was drunk one night and being the 'caring' friend, it offered to fetch xiao bai and me home. It claimed i seduced him and it caved in to temptations (which guy wouldn't as it mentioned). The fact is, it tried hitting on the half-drunk me despite me reminding it of sarah. I remember clearly what its response to me was, don't mind about her. At that moment, i juz felt silly for believing that it and sarah were for real. Anyway, it was another failed attempt for it. Then on, i've heard a couple of stories of how it tried greasing other girls, including someone we know. I wonder if the ever so innocent, pretty and smart masters holder sarah knows about all its doings but juz oblivious to them or is she juz rumoured to be smart. Is the greaseball worth her giving up her family and hubby for? It said i was spreading rumours of sarah and it. People at zouk have got eyes, you kissed and hugged her openly and believe that no one would see?

For kiat's case, i've apologised. But who is it to fault me? It broke up a then great girl's marriage and tried to hit on kiat's (who is supposedly a good friend) girlfriend. Apparently, it wanted to get everyone at zouk to go against me because i came between kiat and girlfriend. Shouldn't it get them to go against itself as well?

Sick and tired of wrestling with pigs, coz even if they lose, they will still enjoy it.

p.s. To all animal (including pig) lovers out there, it does not refer to an animal, it's worse than one.

2010年4月30日 没有王仕捷的第一百七十天

transparent tiles =) thanks to sky for the good bargain

Mambo

it was a great mambo on wednesday coz tony tay was simply fantastic. despite the unfortunate incident (which has been blown out of proportion again by childish people), the boys, kes and i enjoyed ourselves to the very last second of tony's set. i was ecstatic when he started spinning my favourite song after the seemingly last song of the night, dancing queen. i've done this on facebook but i'm gonna do it again. thank you to tony tay for the great mambos, we will hear u at velvet. =)

The Unfortunate Incident

much as i do not wish to pollute my blog and waste my time on certain people (or should i use pests or dogs?), i was thinking to myself, why not when i have a bit of time to do so anyway. *laughs* i wonder if the 'community' has got nothing better to do than stirring trouble all the time, or are they so in love with us that they need to seek our attention. well, how do you prove yourself to be a worthy 'leader' to your 'man' by fighting people who are supposed to be weaker than you are. which gentleman, or rather, which man would want to get a girl's (though i'm probably known as a boy now with my multiple claims) head and which man would fight a gay? i have no absolute no respect for such person. honestly, i really wanted to put my fist into the irritating face, but i'm glad my rationality won my temper this time. i would be stooping to his low level if i did, like i mentioned to kes, this guy's not worthy of him losing his cool.

Hong Kong Boy

this afternoon's sms was a surprise. though nothing much was said, but it really made my day. he had gone to shanghai and hence, the no news for the past week. miss him loads.

2010年4月25日 没有王仕捷的第一百六十五天

Won't Go Home Without You by Maroon 5

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of your breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake
The weight of things that remained unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

2010年4月20日 没有王仕捷的第一百六十天

Too Hopeful

him : "you're too hopeful about us."
me : "i'm not!"

yingyi : "you're always so hopeful."
me : *speechless*

*sigh* am i really being too hopeful about me and him? though i've been hurt by the truth time and again, i still wanna believe i would be able to move him one day. silly isn't it? much as i want to trust his words that he's not attached, i believe there's someone that he's attracted to at the moment. guess he probably find it hard to break the news to me for fear of my reaction to it. i really want him to be honest with me and i promise to be as cool about it as i can be. will he confess? maybe they're right about him being too busy with work, but maybe he's juz too busy dating someone else.

Chicago The Musical


attended the musical with yingyi on saturday. it was fantastic! i wouldn't mind going a 2nd time if someone or anyone needs a date. *hint hint*

Dinner with Da Jie


it was a great night out with da jie at liquid kitchen. miss the old times when we used to have so much fun working together. many things have changed since, but we're still the same old us. =)

2010年4月16日 没有王仕捷的第一百五十六天

彼此的距离似乎越来越远，就好像活在不同的世界。
希望是我太多心，太多疑。
他在我心中已落地生根，相信没人能取代他的地位。
或许我真的中毒太深， 无法自拔。

M1 lollipops made my long and tiring day =)

2010年4月12日 没有王仕捷的第一百五十二天

带我走 杨丞琳

每次我总一个人走
交叉路口 自己生活
这次你却说等我走
某个角落 就你和我

像土壤抓紧花的迷惑
像天空缠绵雨的汹涌 在你的身后
计算的步伐 每个背影 每个场景
都有发过的梦

带我走 到遥远的以后
带走我 一个人自转的寂寞
带我走 就算我的爱 你的自由都将成为泡沫
我不怕 带我走

每次我总独自远走
保持缄默 不皱眉头
这次你却说一起走
彼此温柔 从此以后

像土壤抓紧花的迷惑
像天空缠绵雨的汹涌 在你的身后
计算的步伐 每个背影 每个场景
都有发过的梦

带我走 到遥远的以后
带走我 一个人自转的寂寞
带我走 就算我的爱 你的自由都将成为泡沫
我不怕 带我走

白马溜过漆黑尽头
潮汐袭来浪花颤动
凝在海岸结成了墨

蔷薇朝向草原气球
邮差传来一地彩虹
刻在心中拍打着脉搏

带我走 到遥远的以后
带走我 一个人自转的寂寞
带我走 就算我的爱 你的自由都将成为泡沫
我不怕 带我走

"真希望他能够带我走
我会无怨无悔地跟着他
就算不能够到永远
我会珍惜曾经拥有"

爱心水壶，巧克力 =）

2010年4月8日 没有王仕捷的第一百四十八天

好久没有他的消息。
在他的世界里，似乎已经没有了我的空间。
心痛已到极点。
或许是时候放弃，但我始终没有勇气。

2010年3月29日 没有王仕捷的第一百三十八天

doing my best to keep myself occupied by planning all sorts of activities, including taking up the drivers role at NTU run round singapore 36 hours event. much as i try to not think of him, deep down inside, i know i miss him juz too much. little things like pumping petrol at serangoon gardens shell station, seeing pocky on the shelves anywhere, dancing to the songs at mambo, would juz remind me of him. no doubt it's silly, but i juz couldn't help it. everyday, i would check my mail to see if he's replied, but it's been disappointing for the past week. *sigh* maybe he's busy again. hope he's surviving or survived the bad weather in beijing.

2010年3月11日 没有王仕捷的第一百二十天

Sixth sense or woman's instinct? I somehow had the hunch that he's back in town and would surprise all of us last night. I was right! Swear I didn't read his email till I got home from mambo. Maybe this is what is called telepathy? =) a good one.

It was a usual night with the boys coming in late again, due to mahjong and not school work. Kes and me tried a new drink on the menu (which I had forgotten the name) and a beer. Feeling bored, we decided to head out to look for Sofian, only to find out that he wasn't working. When we were back at the entrance of members, Kes went 'Is that...' and I finished the sentence for him 'Jay', and he continued 'and...', 'Jerald!' I exclaimed. It was a great big surprise and coincidence that both of them are back the same period. *beams* I texted the boys excitedly about the duo's presence. They arrived shortly after and we had a good time catching up with Jay buying a round of drinks for everyone.

The night passed with the usual gang heading out to wine bar at the 'stipulated' time and Jerald leaving early as per normal. Hope he gets to transit again real soon. After a few rounds of drinks at wine bar, we went back to the dancefloor at 145 as Marcus did not want to miss his Bad Romance again. Well, I did not get to dance to the song (if Byden spinned) as I left around 215 with him. Don't tsk tsk me, can't help that I've got a soft spot for him.

On my way to Suntec City now for IT Show. Guess why I can blog while travelling? Traffic jam? Nope. Coz i'm on bus 133! *laughs* good time to blog and it's time to alight! Gonna try my luck at asking him out for dinner. *crossing my fingers* Hope he's available.

2010年3月2日 没有王仕捷的第一百十一天

Right Kind of Wrong by LeAnn Rimes

I know all about
about your reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
Every time that I'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it any more
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Loving you, That isn't really something I should do
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Ya, baby you're the right kind of wrong

It might be a mistake
A mistake I'm making
But what you're giving I am happy to be taking
Cause no one's ever made me feel
The way I feel when I'm in your arms
They say you're something I should do without
They don't know what goes on
When the lights go out
There's no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain
Loving you, That isn't really something I should do
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Ya, baby you're the right kind of wrong

I should try to run but I just can't seem to
'Cause every time I run you're the one I run to
Can't do without what you do to me
I don't care if I'm in too deep

2010年2月23日 没有王仕捷的第一百零四天

'The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment' - nina's current facebook status.

i so agree with this statement. asked myself this question many times, 'what am i expecting from him?'. it would be a lie to answer nothing, but there's really nothing to expect, or rather i shouldn't expect anything. no doubt, i'm doing everything because he's the one, the one i love, the one i care about. his commitment would be the best reward for all that i've done, but that's almost zero probability. i'm not worried that he's not going to commit, but i'm scared of him leaving me one day, for good.

2010年2月22日 没有王仕捷的第一百零三天

seriously, i hate to work with people who are just plain stupid. i admit that i'm being biased, but he has not done anything to prove his worth. honestly, he's got an assistant for training stuff, which is almost the only thing he has in his portfolio. i don't see how busy he can get. i suppose if he could give up some time shopping at suntec with his wife and kid during lunch hour, he would be able to finish his job? past events has made me despise him, i don't have any respect for people who back-stab and worse, tries to be a nice person after thinking people are silly enough to believe him again. please, put your pea brain into whatever use it has. once bitten, twice shy. for all that you've done (not to me yet), i'll never ever trust you (i shouldn't have on what juz happened). you're juz giving me more reasons to believe that you're not worth the promotion, you're juz plain lucky to have gotten the post with the almost zero qualifications you have. or maybe not as lucky as others who has gotten a better offer in another company or born in a more well-off family. if they're still around, you can forget about being where you are today.

2010年2月19日 没有王仕捷的第一百天

*beams* was really happy to see him at mambo. never thought i would miss someone so much, never expected myself to have him on my mind all these while. kept myself really busy this CNY as i knew he's not gonna have time for me. i juz hope i would be able to meet up with him before he leaves next tuesday.

2010年2月7日 没有王仕捷的第八十八天

yay! he should be back for CNY! i'm happy!

ice bomb

ingredients for the above concoction: raspberry vodka, mandarin vodka, vodka and sprite. with compliments from marcus who wanted to try something new. potent but surprisingly smooth drink.

2010年2月2日 没有王仕捷的第八十三天

my work station has upgraded! from this..

to this!

i'm pretty happy and contented with my new desk and the location. =)

singtel CNY soft toys

me @ dempsey

a very random post, true reflection of my everyday life. i'm missing him..

2010年1月26日 没有王仕捷的第七十六天

much as i would want to believe that he is busy with work, much as i would want to convince myself that he does not have time to reply my text, much as i would want to not brood over this issue, i could not help but feel upset. i have not heard from him for more than a week, since the last i saw him in town. i feel i'm beginning to lose the battle, the battle to fight against falling in love; i'm beginning to lose faith, lose faith in myself to move on.

2010年1月24日 没有王仕捷的第七十四天

夜了为什么还不想睡除了你我还在思念谁
我并不是害怕黑寂寞却喜欢把整个我包围
好想再重新和你爱一回让伤心的回忆通通都给化成灰
曾对你说没爱无所谓其实自己脆弱不知道应怎么面对

故意在街上给冷风吹等着你来温暖我心扉
终于也掉下眼泪爱情不知不觉的不翼而飞
请你永远都把我麻醉那不用醒后日日夜夜为你心碎
你的爱曾经是绝对我一辈子都会为我的愚昧而后悔

2010年1月17日 没有王仕捷的第六十七天

It's been a happy week coz he came back for a short visit. Pleasant surprise from him indeed as mentioned earlier this month. I'm glad that I managed to catch him this round since he would most probably not be back for Chinese New Year. Though I parted with him for less than 24 hours, I'm missing him already. Hope he'll get to be back again soon.

p.s. i like his new car registration number. =)

2010年1月11日 没有王仕捷的第六十一天

me and banks! find myself staring at the primary school me inside the mirror. i need to add life to this new year and decided to start with my hair. i actually love my new look, a nice change to a good start, i hope. interestingly, my parents are so amused by the short fringe that both of them can't stop grinning at my new hairdo.

finally, i decided to edit my facebook relationship status. i'm single! yeaps.. i'm hoping this would make me come to terms with him, not as a friend but the complicated relationship that we have. i doubt it will work but it is worth a try. i've thought about it. i really treasure him as a friend, and i hope we can be good friends. maybe, juz maybe, i'm afraid that i'll lose him if i continue to love him that i would rather be platonic friends with him. deep inside, i do wish things would work out between us. however, after the talk i had with him on the last day of 2009, it sort of make me realise that it's impossible for the both of us to be together, at least for him it is.

2010年1月7日 没有王仕捷的第五十七天

Ridiculous Episode

i'm not surprised that people would find out. i guessed as much that it would spread like wild fire. i know the whole episode is my fault. seriously, half of me was out to have fun, the other half was upset with someone else and decided on a rash move. yes, i admit i'm a selfish slut on this and did not think of the consequences. i juz find this whole thing blowing out of proportion. i wasn't looking for trouble. that's why i'm upset with how things turned out. if you can't afford to play this game, juz too bad. i don't care how those people see me and what they say coz they're not even my friends to start with. Also, i did not let any of my friends know of what happened coz it was unnecessary to stir more trouble and not that im ashamed of what i did. it was all in the name of fun, don't have to involve 'the whole world' as it's not of their concern.

Favourite Snack from Philippines


thanks to gerard for bringing the much loved local snacks from philippines. =)

missing the one in hong kong...

2010年1月5日 没有王仕捷的第五十五天

there're juz too much emotions running through me, i've no idea how to put them down at all. i wish i have an outlet to release all that i've been keeping inside me.

2009年12月31日 没有王仕捷的第五十天

i've crashed. life seems to have come to a standstill. i should have woken up from this dream earlier. i know what i have to do and what is best for me - move on, but i clearly do not wish to do so. things were made clear right from the start and his stand on our relationship has never changed. i'm juz so wrong in thinking that i could change this fact, or rather, i started to believe that i succeeded which is so not true. i brought this upon myself. much as i want to take a step back and plan for the road ahead, i juz can't bring myself to give him up.

2009年12月30日 没有王仕捷的第四十九天

I miss Hong Kong;
Miss my favourite yummy egg tarts;
Miss the shopping;
Miss not having to work;
Miss him being by my side every morning when i wake up;
Miss the breakfast he prepares;
Miss waiting for him to get off work;
Miss spending time with him;
I miss HIM...

2009年12月29日 没有王仕捷的第四十八天

爱心早餐

表面上装得再坚强，也无法抹掉心中的不舍得。

在过去的七天，我找到了幸福。

能和喜欢的人同住一个屋檐下，一起生活，真的好开心。

他是否有在挂念着我？

分隔两地的滋味真不好受。

2009年12月20日 没有王仕捷的第三十九天

从台湾回来之后，心总觉得有点不踏实。
虽然再过两天就是我所期待已久的香港之旅，但我开始有点迟疑。
担心我们之间有所改变，担心我们不能像从前一样。
或许是我多疑，但我真的无法平服我的心情。

2009年12月8日 没有王仕捷的第二十七天

people change, and so do relationships. i juz wish ours wouldn't.

2009年12月7日 没有王仕捷的第二十六天

好想知道他的近况。
好想拨通电话，听听他的声音。
好想能马上飞到他的身边。
好想知道他是否也有想念我。

mum and dad came home with them on saturday. the red one is called 红龟果 and the yellow one is called 金钱龟. i chose to keep 金钱龟 as it matches my wall colour. they brighten up the dark room with moon and stars in the night, really lovely. it's a pity i couldn't get an image of it to upload.

2009年12月2日 没有王仕捷的第二十一天

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还想你
我很不服气也开始怀疑
眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气
暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

2009年11月28日 没有王仕捷的第十七天

The Girls

The Thorn

it's been a while since we had a gathering and i finally met up with my JC team-mates cum gossip-mates. janice, PP plus hubby and i mahjong-ed one and three quarter rounds at the couple's house before heading to timbre as planned. did not finish the game as we were running late for our reservation. tho it's a pity that many could not join us, we had our utmost fun throughout the day and night. as usual, janice and boon tong are forever squabbling for no reason and provided much entertainment for the rest. delicious pizza and yummy tapas plus good company, what more can i ask for? the night ended with supper at geylang G7. *beams*

在过去的一年里，你似乎已成为我生命的一部分。
没了你的陪伴，生活仿佛缺少了些什么。
就算只是经过我们常去的地方，你就会出现在我脑海。
或许我已戒不掉你这个习惯。。。

p.s. wednesday's mambo was fantastic!

2009年11月23日 没有王仕捷的第十二天

was watching mediacorp drama serial on channel 8. coincidentally, one of the guys in the show is named jay. decided to drop him a text on his prepaid number. really hope i've not been a bother the past week. though he doesn't reply most of the time, i juz want him to know that i'm here thinking of him.

2009年11月19日 没有王仕捷的第八天

using competitors' products

for once, i have to agree with the management. it isn't right to use competitors' products during working hours. however, below are debatable points regarding this issue.

1. if the company doesn't carry a certain product, it would be fine to use competitors'?
2. promoters are not issued with the latest products to use as demo devices, carrying outdated handsets doesn't serve much purpose, does it? if promoters have to buy their own handsets for personal use, i don't see why they can't get competitors'.
3. it would be good to hands-on rather than just going through training after training (ie. brainwashing) how good our own products are as compared to competitors'. it is easier to convince consumers that our products are more superior if you had used competitors' and made a comparison. using competitors' products doesn't deminish our confidence we have for our own! if i sell fish soup and i try out other stalls, it doesn't mean that i think my fish soup is not good, it simply means i want to try how others' fish soup taste.

dedicated to my SCs...

无论再多的节目，无论再忙，我还是无法不想他。
时间仿佛慢了下来， 使我终于明白度日如年的感觉。

2009年11月15日 没有王仕捷的第四天

心情好比天气一样，是阴霾的。
很努力把每天的时间表排得满满的，一心不让自己有多余的时间胡思乱想。
时间一天一天地过，我对他的想念一天一天地加深。

2009年11月12日 没有王仕捷的第一天

我最不期待的今天终于到了。
他，在一个小时前乘搭飞机离开了。

内心挣扎了好久。
但因为害怕，我始终没到机场去。
害怕会不经意地落泪，更害怕会碰到不想知道的真相。

虽然朋友都说，六个星期的时间一眨眼就会过去，我还是无法说服自己。
真希望时间能够快一些， 真希望因分开的想念能够少一些。

Yager Bomb

last night's music was superb! tony and byden spinned many of the regulars' favourites which haven't been heard for a long time. it's probably one of the mambos which the percentage of time spent on the dance floor compared to at wine bar is the highest. *grins* despite the fact that i totally enjoyed dancing to the songs and had fun through the night, i was pretty upset as it was his farewell.

him: so i'll see you in hong kong.
me: *pushes away from his hug in shock* don't want!
him: you don't wanna go anymore?
me: that's like so far away. i'm gonna miss you.
him: it's only a month.

how is 22nd december a month away from now?! *speechless*

What is the real purpose of a team building trip? I'm under the impression that it is to foster stronger bonds through activities.
1. I do not think that wasting time travelling by coach would in any way achieve the goal. Not as if people are gonna communicate much during the journey. Not as if there're gonna be any interactive games (only games people play would be on their psp, ds lite or iTouch) carried out on the coach. Majority would be engaged in the activity callled sleeping. Why can't we be more time efficient and travel by flight? Time = money isn't it?
2. After travelling for 6 hours (ONE way), the activities we gonna do can be carried out on siloso beach, or even east coast park at that. How not interesting? If the so-called team building activities are bound to the location, it gives one less reason for this argument.
3. This is personal. I don't want to go KL! There's nothing worth to shop, no scenic views! What's left is only a lousy, run-down and under-maintained theme park! What's the catch?

the clock is ticking and my heart is sinking. the day is approaching too soon. never thought it would be this fast. too many farewell lunches and dinners to have time for me. guess i've been too busy to have taken notice of the time that was slipping through. i'm not sure of the road ahead. the future is uncertain, at least mine is. this process is juz too painful, too much for me to bear.

Happy Birthday Shirleen dear!
juz wanna let you know that you're badly missed. have a great time wherever you are! glad you managed to solve the issue. enjoy!

Like a Prayer

I should be so Lucky

Teaching Segment

Co-instructor, Jay

The Mambo Regulars

it was a wonderful performance on wednesday. thanks to all who came down to support. i truly enjoyed the whole show despite being physically and mentally drained. the response we got from everyone made up for it. all the time and effort put in over the past 5 months have paid off. based on esplanade's count, there were over 1000 in the audience with 800 engaged. i'm really proud of the whole team. been a great experience working with all of you. the show would not have been possible (not to mention a success *beams*) if not for each and every of your commitment. for the benefit of those who missed the performance, here is the link to our finale item. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtxNEpGLfBc

this is what i've been burning my weekends for over the past 4 months. *beams* i'm glad everything is falling in place as planned and the show will be up and running on the 28 October at the Esplanade Forecourt.

it's been a great experience for me. from forming the team, getting everyone together, fitting into each others' schedule, choosing the performance songs, standardising and even coming up with our very own creation for the moves, choreographing our own mixes and to the costumes selection. each and every single one of us had contributed to the above to have made this show possible. nothing comes easy. we went through bad times but i'm sure all of us learnt something from them.

apologies for my multiple tantrums (most of the time, if not all) and thank you for putting up with it. i believe the team has built a bond amongst us unknowingly and we have definitely grown closer together. all the fun, laughter and sweat we had at smu (sometimes nus and once sph) will always be remembered.

thank you chock for mixing our sets. thank you ben who is always sourcing for our practice venue in smu. thank you kes for always being there to give us your advice and support. thank you everyone for taking time off from your busy schedule to make it for training. it's the final lap, 10 days to actual performance and 3 more practice sessions. you have made it possible and you will make it a success!

there is always two sides to a coin. we cannot change how others think, we can only prove them wrong.

facebook is a gauge of work efficiency. the more time you have for it, the more efficient you are. seriously, i do not see any issues with logging on to facebook during working hours. condition is, deadline met. so long as work is done on time, why can't people facebook in office? honestly, who is more appreciated? staff who can't even complete simple tasks and act busy in office or staff who are competent but on facebook all the time? if people can be surfing non-work related websites in office, why is facebook the exception? it's a pointless debate.

it's exactly a year since you left. you're still deeply missed.

<我恨我爱你>

面带微笑离开你怀里
我听天由命
最后一张王牌在手里
二选一的机率
不能放纵爱你
就放过自己

爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而以
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可怜兮兮

都怪我太不争气
我恨我爱你
oh... 我爱你
只是因为你是你
oh... 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的...

新恋情

birthday pressie for my beloved =)

25 September 2009

it was an excuse for me to take a day off from boring work. the pressie was completed juz before noon and i headed to plaza singapura to run some errands before picking him up from his office. drove down to shaw centre for the massage session that i had booked at the ultimate. the reception area was nicely done up and the service was good. however, i must add that the rooms and the skills of the masseurs are not as fantastic. as he needed to settle urgent matters back in office, i went home to take a short rest before meeting him again at clarke quay for dinner. as expected, he arrived an hour late and i'm surprised by myself that i wasn't the least bit irritated. i really like the place not only for the ambience but also the food. it must have been the best steak i've ever had. the beef was juicy and done to my liking. the steakhouse by esmirada is highly recommended.

Obsessive-compulsive Disorder

Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce anxiety, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety, or by combinations of such thoughts and behaviors. The symptoms of this anxiety disorder range from repetitive hand-washing and extensive hoarding to preoccupation with sexual, religious, or aggressive impulses. These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional and economic loss. Although the acts of those who have OCD may appear paranoid and come across to others as psychotic, OCD sufferers often recognize their thoughts and subsequent actions as irrational, and they may become further distressed by this realization.

OCD is the fourth most common mental disorder and is diagnosed nearly as often as asthma and diabetes mellitus. The phrase "obsessive-compulsive" has become part of the English lexicon, and is often used in an informal or caricatured manner to describe someone who is meticulous, perfectionistic, absorbed in a cause, or otherwise fixated on something or someone. Although these signs are often present in OCD, a person who exhibits them does not necessarily have OCD, and may instead have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), an autism spectrum disorder or some other condition.

judging from the above description and image, i seriously do not think i have OCD. Neat freak is a more suitable term. *bleah* honestly, this is pretty messy by my standards. i've recently refurbished my room and got a three-door wardrobe, still a little far from my dream walk-in but i'm happy. *smiles*

ice skating escapade in April 2009

this girl plays a prominent role in my life. she's always so full of surprises and ideas that i can never keep up with. glad that she's enjoying her trip with her muffin.


my dear dear who's always there for me. i always believe that things never worked out between us coz i know him too well for his own good. *bleah*

are insecurities and low-confidence co-related? they probably are. i hate to admit this but i'm so tempted to pick up the phone to drop him a text. no reason to do so, but need there be a reason to do so? *sigh* emo monster is creeping up on me once again. missing him...

definition of a girl's boy

honestly, there is no fixed definition of a girl's boy. i suppose it varies from girl to girl what each of them want and what would satisfy them. besides, most girls are fickle minded and hence their demands probably change from time to time. i'm beginning to sound like the other species here. but hey, at times, i do feel that there's certain truth to the former (juz like how i would agree that majority of the female drivers are road hazards, including myself *bleah*).

over the past week, there was not juz once, but a few times when people around me comment that i would make a very nice guy or statements along the same line. it makes me wonder if i really do have the characteristics of a good boyfriend. seriously, being a lesbian once, it did occur to me if i could really sway to the other side. i love doing things for the one i like, doing things which others deem to be out of the way or sweet. to me, it's juz my way of showing care and concern. *shrug* i guess i'll never want to be the boyfriend as there're times when i need to be pampered, need to be showered with TLC (tender loving care). i'm better off being the girlfriend who's like the boyfriend. =)

The Team of Three - 大姐, me and Best Friend

those were the happy days. things are juz not gonna be the same, never will be. changes for the past 3 months have exceeded the changes for the past 3 years and this is not the end (note that the numbers are not exaggerated). however, the situation may not be as bad as it seems, especially for those who left. i'm so missing having 大姐around to give me advice and to 挡风遮雨. i'm so gonna miss best friend who's always so supportive of me and always there to lend me a listening ear to bitch. reporting to office will become a real dread after next week. *sigh*

shouldn't i be sleeping?

can't hold back my temper any longer. prejudiced or not? i don't care. i simply don't like the way how one can back up for another for no good or apparent reason. evil and selfish? yes, that's me! i'm sure i can do much better than her but you juz want to help her keep her job. you said she cannot commit 100% because of her other job scope. since she can't cope, i offered to take over. it would ease communication, reduce lag time and minimize loss in information. why should i bother myself with this in the 1st place? i'm not getting a pay rise nor promotion for doing additional work. i juz simply don't understand what is so difficult about clicking the 'forward' button of outlook. it's not as simple as it seems and i agree! but that's what she has been doing! i know i was at fault for raising my voice at you and i'm sorry for being rude. please do reflect if you had been over-protective of her as well. if i'm the only one feeling this way, it might be my problem. but if 10 others feel the same way, i believe the process needs to be reviewed. it's time for me to move on. counting down...

steamboat at bugis with serena, joshua, agnes, john and dear princess nina. seems to be our favourite meeting place for dinner. *grins* really miss the times working together. i wonder why working with them is so much happier and easier? i guess there're no conflict of interest and that's why. i suppose we had build up a strong bond over the years that is hard to break.

atmosphere at home is still a little tense. mum seems to have gotten better but i've yet to figure out the truth behind her weird behaviour. i'm on the verge of giving up and i'm escaping from it. staying out later than usual everyday so that i do not have to face her without dad and minimise contact is my strategy. her long note had a huge impact on me. i know i have to stay strong but i don't know how much longer i can hold out.

there're juz too much things on my mind which i wanna throw out. i only want to fill my mind with happy memories. i realise i'm becoming more dependant on him and that's not a good sign. i'm missing him more and more. couldn't believe i would do this much for him. i do not expect anything in return. think i'm falling, falling deep...

iPhone Craze

i know i'm slow but i received my 3GS yesterday! it's been a long wait. can't decide what to do with it now that i've laid my hands on one. excited as i can be, i've yet to take it out of the package. i'm not in need of a phone considering the numerous handsets i carry with me. it's the IN thing which everyone has, so i must own it as well (even if it's just for a day *laughs*). must have been an overdose of reading bimbotic blogs that caused this silliness. much as i wanna keep it, it's hard to resist the temptations of making a profit of more than 100%. i'm loving my iPhone 3GS!

Shirleen

took leave yesterday for shirleen's 'farewell'. she's flying off early next friday morning with kee for their 4 months backpacking trip. i'm so gonna miss her. went cycling at east coast park in the late morning. it was a great 2 hours ride though we got caught in drizzle twice. headed down to de coder's cafe at balmoral plaza for another 3 hours of board games session. we were introduced to 2 new games and i was the all-time loser! grr.. it was all in the name of fun! as expected, hazel and grace couldn't join us for dinner last minute and hence we went ahead with our wine and cheese plan after our light dinner packed from gardens market. chilled out at shirleen's till late with jay and jerald joining us past midnight.

他回来了，但我却还是那么苦恼。心情总有些忐忑不安，似乎就快面临崩溃。夜深人静时，总是不经意地想起他。这一切即将结束。或许那时不应该放纵，让自己深深地爱上他，又一次一次地舍不得放手。我真的很想他。

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味
你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

曾经我以为我自己会后悔
不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪
为你做任何改变
也唤不回你对我的坚决