stayed home the whole of today. thoughts are in a mess. it's juz me. hate things to be in a mess and when that happens i'll either sort them out or run away from it totally. most of the time, i'll choose the latter. but not this time. i tried to see my problem. but the more i analyse, the more confusing it becomes. my fears are slowly devouring me as they start to increase exponentially. i've found reasons to keep me going. but the very reason that's moving me on is the worst fear i'm facing. with my current situation, this is the best way out for me. however, like i've mentioned, my confidence level is at a life-time low. i'm lost. have no idea where i can be found. and i know for a fact that if i don't regain my composure, i'll never succeed. as i was saying, i'm facing the worst fear i ever had. i know i've been closed. not that i've got no confidence of others. but more of myself. juz so afraid that at the end of it all, you'll find that i'm not the one. also, all the family problems you are facing are gonna place a bigger obstacle. i know what i want ---> the best for my parents (shan't go into details), FF line and most important of all, the two-letter word. you've done what you can to reassure me and i know for a fact that the biggest enemy i'm facing now is myself. i don't want to give up but i really dunno how long i can hold out.