Spent the past 2 weeks reading all the entries on my blog, from the very beginning, and reflecting upon my life.

For the past 7 years, i've fallen in and out of love numerous times, some of which were not recorded. I have conveniently attributed this behaviour or character of mine to be in relation with being a Gemini. Much as I know character is being moulded and changed as I grow up, part of it has to be the in-born factor. I apologise to those that I've hurt, but trust me, I know how it feels as I've my fair share of heartache caused by others too. There are times when I'm not as suave as I'm supposed to be, posing much worries to friends around me. People like yin, dear dear, dawei, mr tay and sjw will probably know what I mean. It took me years to get over (some probably not even over), but I'm glad I've moved on and became good friends with some, or at least on talking terms.

Someone mentioned during a conversation that it's weird to be friends with ex-boy/girlfriends, and I'm supposedly weird as confirmed by another. I have no issues with being friends after a break-up (though it may require some time), for I believe 因了解而分开. Especially for dear dear's case, being good friends is definitely a better option.

I've always believed in karma. Since university life, I've seen and experienced many cases of infidelity. Can't deny the fact that I'm a real bitch when it comes to BGR. Definitely not my intention nor my wish to get involved with attached or married guys, but it just happens. Some may be infactuation, some may be attraction, but mostly short-lived. Reason for this - Gemini. It isn't easy to keep my interest and once I lose it, I become a real bitch. However, there are guys whom I'll become blindly or crazily in love with and not get reciprocated. I did mention karma, didn't I? Yes, what goes around comes around.

Trust is always the issue that brings people closer or breaks them apart. I'm envious of people (mostly females) who has complete trust in their partners. At times, I wonder if it's the power of love, or are they simply giving chances. There is no way to keep tab on your partner to ensure no-cheating at all times. Even the nicest person around can be unfaithful.

Let me digress a little and move on to the definition of cheating. Getting someone's number at a club, continual text-ing with others for no official reason, sleeping with random person in a drunken state, are these considered cheating? There is no degree to cheating. Be it flirting verbally or physically, it's considered as cheating.

There are people whom we often label as players - no emotonal attachment, purely physical attraction, can be with one or many parties. There are people who commit to another person apart from their official partner. Which is worse - emotional or physical betrayal? My mindset has been warped. Anyone is capable of cheating, and is vulnerable to temptations. In order to keep a relationship going, it is at times good to be ignorant (pretence or not is another issue). I'm definitely not in favour of cheating but it no longer calls for a 'death sentence'. If you find out that your partner is cheating, 2 choices, break up or live with it, which will you choose? The answer is very much dependant on how much you love the person. And if you choose to live with it, will you be able to forgive and FORGET? By choosing to stay on, you would have forgiven your partner, but how sure are you of not bringing it up when suspicions arise? Is it even possible to give him/her the benefit of doubt?

I always wanted a partner who can accept me for who I am. It is tiring to be someone I'm not. It's almost impossible to give up clubbing and mahjong for they're almost the only social life I have. I can never understand why they disapprove clubbing, especially when I always have my friends to take care of me. I've recently experienced too much memory impairment after getting drunk that I can almost agree that I'm capable of anything.

The counter stopped but not the love for him. He has that special place in my heart, permanent resident maybe. I need to move on without finding out if things will ever happen or if there is gonna be happily ever after.