since young, i've always been a very family girl. many of you out there are probably laughing your hearts out. believe it or not. but i am pretty attached to my parents. i have my fair share of rebellious stage, running away from home, doing things that broke my parents heart. but deep down, i do care for this family. *shrug* it always feel good to be home, especially when i'm down. well, i wouldn't deny that at times, i rather stay out. reason being i don't wanna make my parents worry for me. being the only child has made me to be what i am today. yes! i'm finally admitting this officially. i'm pampered, spoilt in one way or another. i never hafta worry about anything and most of the time i'll get what i want. started swimming lessons since the age of 5. stopped going for lessons at the age of 7 coz i couldn't perfect the butterfly stroke. i'm a perfectionist remember? my mum wanted to enrol me for art class, but i juz didn't have the interest and talent that artists ought to have and i'm spared from the course. wonder where i got the idea from and opted to go for music class instead. picked up organ at the age of 9 if i remember correctly. did pretty alright for practical but guess what? i flung my theory grade 2. well, that spelled the end of my passion for the instrument, using PSLE as an excuse. went against my mum's wishes and took up basketball as my cca in cedar. she's always wanted me to join badminton but i really can't do racket games till today! guess i'm pretty lucky. hafta thank my parents for giving me good genes. i never really did hafta worry about studies. everything went pretty smoothly for me till NTU. my parents never did put any pressure on me, from the choice of schools to courses, i was in full control. mum wanted me to go NYJC but i chose AJC coz i really hated NY's uniform. *laughs* wonder if i juz went with the flow and didn't realise a point. juz recently, mum told me that they never did expect me to wanna get a degree. they wouldn't mind if i settled for juz a diploma. i've always thought they wanted me to have the degree, to do them proud. i never knew i had the choice of going to poly. i know i broke their hearts when i chose to withdraw from the course, but that was probably the best way out rather than to stay on and waste the family's resources. things are getting better at home, relations wise. but sometimes i juz wonder why my parents are juz so different. it kinda stresses me out. had a mini birthday celebration for dad. something which we'll never miss every year.


a friend asked: "How have you been? always wished you are happier and better." honestly, i have no answer to his question. life's definitely better now that i'm outta school. don't hafta worry about assignments, projects, lab reports and examinations. *cheers* school aside, i'm missing hall life badly. was looking at some old pictures taken in hall. miss all the fun i had, especially my old neighbours. late night suppers and mahjong sessions, sitting on the ledge, be it looking silly doing mambo moves or juz simply chatting (aka gossiping), clubbing together, inter-hall games, freshmen orientation, dinner & dance, production. *sigh* work is pretty simple and routined. juz that i'm beginning to hate the politics that's beginning to surface. plus some of the lousy customers that i hafta face. received 2 complains in 3 days. i'm probably gonna get into trouble soon. maybe i'm not gonna get pass the probation period. *shrug* i like my job but sometimes i juz wonder if i'm suitable for it. i really prefer to be 'tai-tai'. any takers? at this juncture, some of you may ask: "thought you're attached?" it's stated in my friendster profile, 'it's complicated'! i myself have no idea. my status is too profound for me to decipher. have no wish to think about it anymore. i'm tired. tired of trying to solve a problem that's got no solution. to some others, you may say: "you're juz finding excuses for yourself to play the field." all i can say is let time tell. my heart is closed and only one person has the key to it. but whether or not it's gonna be unlocked, it's hard to say.