juz wanna be myself. be the ger i was a long time ago. i've changed since. wonder what made me the person i am today. environment, social circle or izzit juz me? it's really scary. sometimes i can't even recognise myself. though i wasn't even close to perfection, i was happy. that's the very basic thing in life that i hope to achieve. but i wasn't the least bit happy. the issue with my parents has more or less been resolved. both mum and dad had come to terms with my decision. on my side, i'm gonna be kept busy with work at nokia for the next month. i have a permanent job pending to start in january. guess life's gonna take a different approach from now on. as for him, i'd gotten what i wanna hear from him last night and i'd straighten out my thoughts. things are gonna remain the same, if they could. besides clubbing, there're gonna be other occassions when it comes to work where we're gonna meet. gonna be hard if the friendship is strained. gonna take things as they come. i'm tired. really tired. mentally strained. not gonna drown myself in misery anymore. had dinner with susan last thursday after her last paper. really glad that exams are finally over for the NTU people. at least we wouldn't have that much problems finding mahjong kakis. *grins* had our 1st mahjong session at adrian's place after 3 whole months of "leave". adrian, jeffery, susan and me. played all the way till 5 plus in the morning. had our usual fun and laughter during the game. realised how much i miss playing mahjong with them. met up with janice, peiling and her boi on friday. dinner at sakae followed by dessert at maestro bistro. they've got lovely chocolate fondue which inspired us to create our very own. *laughs* had a great time taking pictures and catching up. gonna try as much as possible to revert my life back to what it used to be. 2005 had been a pretty bad year. at least for me. sometimes i really wish i had never met him. but certainly, knowing him had been quite an experience. thanks for all that you've done. really appreciate it. life at NTU took a turn for the worse and i finally made the choice. relations at home had been strained. glad that things are more back on track now. guess it's time for me to settle down.